When Sweetie Belle exited the bounce house, her friends were eagerly waiting to explain the plan.
“Alright,” Apple Bloom said quietly as the trio huddled in one of the few unused rooms in the bunker, “first, the bad news: the door’s bein’ watched, an’ it’s that Pony Express delivery pony—you know, the one with the lazy eye you ain’t s’posed ta talk about. After doin’ some eavesdroppin’, I learned that the door’s lock is magical, and it’s programmed to keep foals from gettin’ out without permission.”
Scootaloo let out a derisive snort. “Can you believe this? It’s like they don’t even trust us.”
“But... aren’t we trying to break the rules?” Sweetie Belle asked in mild confusion.
“Well, yeah,” Scootaloo admitted, “but that doesn’t change the fact that they refuse to trust us.”
“In any case, it don’t matter that much,” Apple Bloom said, “because the good news is that all we need to open the door is the hoofprint of a grown up pony.”
“And how do we get one of those?” Scootaloo asked. “Saying ‘pretty please’?”
“Not exactly...” Apple Bloom replied as she pulled a small vial of brownish liquid from behind the ribbon in her mane. “I found this in a first aid kit. It’s one of those medicines they use to help ponies get ta sleep. I figure we add an extra large dose to some food, give it to the pony guardin’ the door, and she’ll be knocked out in no time. Then we just use her hoof to unlock the door, and we’re out.”
“But won’t the guard know we gave it to her?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Nah,” Apple Bloom replied as she dismissively waved her hoof. “This stuff takes a while to kick in. We just gotta wait a bit, that’s all.”
“But what if she doesn’t eat the food?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Well, that’s where you come in,” Scootaloo said. “Since you were too busy bouncing to help come up with a plan, your job is to figure out what the guard likes to eat, and getting us some of that so we can use the... stuff on it.”
Sweetie Belle sighed. “Fine...”
“Good,” Scootaloo said. “Now, if you need us, Apple Bloom and me are going to wait in line at the bounce house.”
“‘Apple Bloom and I,’” Sweetie Belle groused as her friends returned to the party.
September 2 – 11:01 AM
“Hey, Mac, you’re single, right?”
“Eeyup.” Rainbow Dash did the best she could to hide her relief upon learning this news, as it meant that there wouldn’t be any unfortunate implications if Big Macintosh agreed to help her out. When she’d decided to use one of her breaks to drop in on the safety patrol’s headquarters at the town hall, she’d initially thought that finding a volunteer would be a relatively simple matter. However, she’d soon realized that asking somepony to let you pretend to flirt with them was far more awkward than she’d initially thought—unless it was somepony she knew pretty well, even bringing up the subject felt super weird.
That limited the number of potential candidates very quickly, since most of the ponies that Rainbow Dash knew well seemed to be helping out with Pinkie’s party. Essentially, Rainbow had two ponies to pick from, and since Applejack couldn’t tell a lie to save her life, that meant that her hopes lay with her taciturn brother. “Great,” she replied to the draft pony, “because I need to ask you to do a really, really big favor for me.”
Big Macintosh didn’t say anything in response, but he made a short bobbing motion with his head which Rainbow assumed meant that she would explain further before he agreed to anything.
“Okay, this might sound a little weird, but hear me out. I can’t really go into details, but Fluttershy thinks I’m interested in somepony, even though I’m really not, and it’s making things complicated. You with me so far?”
Big Macintosh nodded his head. “Eeyup.”
“So, to show her that I’m not interested, I was thinking that I should flirt with somepony else where Fluttershy can hear me. Not for real, you understand—just for pretend.”
“Nope.”
Rainbow Dash looked confused at this response and scratched her head through her silver fog suit. “You don’t understand?”
“Oh, I understand,” Macintosh replied. “I just ain’t doin’ it.”
“But you’re, like, the only pony who can help me!”
Big Macintosh appeared to mulled this over for a split-second before answering, “Nope.”
“But why not?!” Rainbow Dash asked, her voice taking on an uncharacteristically pathetic tone.
“It’s a bad idea.” He turned and started to walk towards the crowd of volunteers, but Rainbow Dash grabbed one of his hind legs.
“C’mon, you’ve gotta help me out here!” she pleaded.
“What in tarnation is goin’ on over here?” The new voice was stern, irritated, and it belonged to Applejack who had walked over to see what the commotion was. “The two of you are makin’ a scene.”
“It’s... it’s nothing. Really!” Rainbow Dash said as she let go of Big Macintosh’s leg and stood up.
“Sugarcube, that’s awful melodramatic for a plain old ‘nuthin’.”
Fortunately, Big Macintosh was a considerably more forthcoming with an explanation. “Miss Rainbow Dash wants to flirt with somepony in front of Miss Fluttershy for some reason.”
“What?” Applejack exclaimed. “You gotta be kiddin’ me.”
“It’s not what you think,” Rainbow insisted.
Applejack sighed and rested one of her forehooves on Rainbow Dash’s shoulder. “Look, Sugarcube, I ain’t got a problem if you fancy Fluttershy, but I don’t think tryin’ to make her jealous is the best way to go about lettin’ her know. Besides that, she’s got more important things to worry about right now, so maybe you should put this off until later.”
“No! No no no!” Rainbow Dash said. The last thing she needed at the moment was another crossed wire. “That’s not what’s going on here.”
“Oh?” Applejack asked as her voice lost all traces of gentleness and support. “Then just what is goin’ on here?”
“Um... I can’t really tell you. It’s really, really complicated, and like you said, there’s way more important things to do, so I’ll just be going—”
“So you can try pullin’ this little stunt on somepony else?” Applejack interrupted as she pressed her head against Rainbow Dash’s and stared her in the eyes. “I don’t think so.”
“No, really,” Rainbow protested, as she tried to back her way over to the door. “I just remembered that Fluttershy wanted me to find a left-hoofed smoke shifter in case this plan doesn’t work....”
Applejack sighed and rubbed her forehead. “Rainbow Dash, you’re almost as bad at lyin’ as I am, so how about you just sit yer tail down right here, quit makin’ excuses, an’ tell me what’s goin’ on?”
September 2 – 11:13 AM
Derpy Hooves sighed as she exited the bathroom and walked over towards the stool next to the door where she’d been sitting for the last forty minutes or so. When she’d volunteered to help out with Pinkie Pie’s party, she had initially hoped to be assigned with a task that was a bit more entertaining than simply watching the door. While she certainly was appreciative that Pinkie had trusted her with the important task of making sure that none of the foals wandered outside into the fog, she would have preferred to be in the midst of all the hustle and bustle of the actual party. Not only would it have been far less boring, but she would have been able to spend some time with her daughter, Dinky, who was attending the festivities. At least Pinkie Pie had said that somepony would come to take her place after two hours, so her shift at the door was almost halfway done.
Fortunately, the sound of hoofbeats on the stairs broke up the monotony as three fillies emerged from the party below. Derpy had met them before, as all three went to school with Dinky, but aside from their reputation for getting into trouble, she didn’t know the Cutie Mark Crusaders particularly well. “Hello there,” she said pleasantly as she scanned the trio with her good eye. “I’m sorry, but I can’t let you outside right now.”
“Oh, we know that,” said the orange pegasus, who was named Scootaloo, or something like that, if Derpy recalled correctly. “We just came up here to get some sugar from the candy shop’s storeroom. They need it in the kitchen, and we volunteered.”
“I see...” Derpy said as she considered this claim. “Well, I’m not sure if the sugar is stored in this part of the storeroom, or the part that’s outside the bunker, and like I just said, I can’t let you outside.”
“But can we at least take a look around here, though?” Scootaloo asked.
“Well... I suppose that couldn’t hurt,” Derpy said.
“Thank you!” the three fillies chorused cheerfully.
“Don’t mention it,” Derpy replied with a dismissive wave of her hoof.
“Oh, by the way,” said the earth pony with the ribbon in her mane whose name escaped Derpy at the moment, “we brought somethin’ for ya from the kitchen.”
“You did?”
“Uh-huh,” replied the earth pony, who probably had an apple-related name, since Derpy was fairly certain that she was Applejack’s sister, now that she thought about it. The yellow filly turned around and picked up a plate in her mouth, which held...
“Is that... a blueberry muffin?”
Scootaloo and the unicorn filly nodded.
“For me?”
“That’s right,” Scootaloo said. Beside her, the unicorn filly continued smiling... though there seemed to be something oddly disquieting about her silence.
Derpy pushed this concern aside, though. There was a muffin to eat. She took the plate from Apple-name and set it down on the stool as the three fillies went behind a shelf to examine Bon-Bon’s supply of ingredients. With a huge grin on her face, she picked up the blueberry muffin and stuffed it into her mouth. “Mmm... delicious... though it has a funny aftertaste—”
Any further observations were interrupted by a series of sharp, hurried knocks on the door. Derpy walked over to the intercom next to door and held down a large, round button. “Hello?”
“Oh, um, hey,” replied a voice through the intercom. The device had distorted its audio quality, but the voice’s tone was high and clear, like a colt soprano. “Would it be okay if I came in?”
Derpy considered this for a moment. The voice sounded really young, but if he was a foal, why wasn’t he already at the party? A straggler, perhaps? Her reasoning didn’t seem to be working properly, as an odd, queasy feeling in the pit of her stomach seemed kept distracting her. “Um, are you a foal?”
“No,” the voice replied. “I’m Spike. Twilight Sparkle’s assistant? I work with her at the library.”
“Oh, you’re that baby dragon, aren’t you? Well, I suppose I can let you in.” Derpy walked over to a touchpad and pressed her hoof against it. After a few seconds, the door’s magical locking mechanism gave a loud beep and Derpy pulled down on the handle, swinging the bunker door inward to let the small purple dragon inside.
“Thanks,” Spike said. “Uh, do you know if Pencil Pusher is here?”
Derpy screwed up her muzzle in confusion. “Pencil Pusher?”
“He’s a grey pegasus stallion from Cloudsdale. I think he has a red line for a cutie mark.”
“Oh, him,” Derpy said as she realized who Spike was talking about. “He’s downstairs, in the main room. Pinkie Pie put him in charge of the bounce house.”
“Thanks a lot,” Spike said as he rushed down the staircase.
As the echoes of Spike’s footsteps faded away, Derpy let out a long yawn. “Wow... I’m feeling tired. Maybe when my guard shift is done, I should take a quick nap before heading to the party.” It seemed that the time she’d spent the previous night helping some friends move their cloud house was catching up with her. Then again, she wasn’t likely to drop off if the queasy feeling in her stomach didn’t go away. “Ugh... maybe I should have taken my time with that muff—”
Depry stopped mid-sentence as the queasiness suddenly grew into the worst feeling of nausea she’d ever experienced. Clutching a hoof over her mouth, she raced back towards the bathroom and slammed the door behind her.
As sounds of retching filtered into the bunker’s foyer, the Crusaders hesitantly crept out from behind the shelves. “That... doesn’t sound good....” Sweetie Belle said uncertainly as the sound of undigested food hitting porcelain continued at an alarming rate.
“I thought you said that stuff would just knock her out,” Scootaloo said quietly to Apple Bloom as she warily eyed the bathroom door.
“I... I thought it would,” Apple Bloom insisted as anguished moans joined the sickening melange of noises. She pulled out the vial and stared at the label. “I coulda sworn syrup of ipecac was used ta help ponies sleep. I mean, it says here that it’s an ‘emetic,’ and I saw that on a jar of some sorta chamomile cream once, an’ everypony knows chamomile helps ya sleep.”
Sweetie Belle sighed. “I think the word is ‘emollient.’ They put it in skin creams to reduce swelling.”
“Oh, come on,” Scootaloo said. “There’s no way that one was in our homework.”
“It wasn’t,” Sweetie Belle said, “but it was on a tube of cream in Rarity’s bathroom, so I asked her about it.”
Apple Bloom would have continued this conversation, were it not for the sound of a fresh round of vomit splashing into a toilet bowl to refocus their attention. “Maybe we oughta get going...” she said hesitantly.
“What are you talking about?” Sweetie Belle asked. “Ms. Hooves obviously needs help right now.”
“Are you nuts?” Scootaloo whispered harshly. “If we do that, we’ll have to tell her what we did, and there’s no way we’ll be able to get out to the human trap then.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Sweetie Belle countered. “We’re not going to be getting out if she’s conscious. I say we cut our losses and help out.”
Apple Bloom quickly scanned around the room until she found a small metal box attached to one of the walls. “There we go! Another first aid kit. I betcha this’ll have somethin’ that’ll fix the problem.”
“So we are helping her, then?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“I guess,” Apple Bloom said as she walked towards the bathroom, but she suddenly stopped in her tracks. “Hey, look at this! She didn’t actually close the door. It’s partly open.”
Scootaloo nodded. “If that’s not a sign, I don’t know what is. C’mon.”
Sweetie Belle, however, was still staring at the bathroom door, where Derpy’s moans were starting to sound more pitiful. “We... we can’t just leave now. If we do that, we’re going to get in trouble.”
“Sweetie Belle, she knows we gave her that muffin,” Scootaloo said in obvious exasperation. “I’m pretty sure we’re already in trouble.”
“So why do we want to make things worse, then?”
“We aren’t!” Scootaloo insisted. “We’re capturing a human to save Equestria, remember? It’ll make up for this; I’m sure of it. Now come on... I think she’s nearly done.” Indeed, the disturbing splashing noises had stopped, and now only the sounds of dry heaves came from the bathroom.
Apple Bloom pried the door open until it was wide enough to let a filly through. “C’mon, y’all, we gotta get outta here quick in case somepony outside notices the door.” Her eyes were darting around, as if she was worried that somepony would discover their mess.
Sweetie Belle just kept staring at the bathroom.
“She’ll be fine,” Scootaloo said. “My parents once told me she’s tougher than she looks.”
“Besides, it ain’t like we’re just leavin’ her in a lurch,” Apple Bloom added. “I put that first aid kit on her stool where she’s sure ta see it.”
“I guess that’s better than nothing....” Sweetie Belle said as she turned towards the exit.
Grinning, Scootaloo pushed her friend through the bunker door before she could change her mind. Then, after a quick look around to make sure that nopony else could see them, she exited herself, shutting the door behind her.
So the CMC killed Derpy.
Awesome.
The CMC are going to be killed by an adult of some sort, that's for certain. Either their sisters, or Cheerilee, or possible Dinky Hooves for hurting her mom.
And Spikes going to kill Pencil Pusher. We all knew this was going to happen.
Thank goodness Applejack is making sense. That makes one out of... I think she's a little out numbered.
You're the Cutie Mark Crusaders. To get in trouble, you just have to show up.
This story is in a perpetual state of almost-collapse. It's like it's stuck in the moment right after the airplane's engines fail but just before it starts plummeting towards the earth.
Ipecac won't kill Derpy.
Probably
You're Dash's protege alright, Scootaloo.
Good
I want to smack all three of them.
Poor Derpy. That's seriously beyond 'in trouble' and into 'felony assault.'
The CMCs cooking is getting better? Baked Bads wouldve got through that door without needing Derpy.
4777515 - No, they just stole that muffin from the kitchen.
Ouch, poor Derpy.
Oh well, at least it is looking like the romantic mess will be getting cleared up nicely now that we have added AJ and Big Mac to the list of sensible individuals working to unfuck the situation. While I definitely had my doubts about Spike given that the others tend to ignore him on an irritatingly regular basis, everyone listens when Big Mac has something to say.
There is nowhere for them to hide once Time Turner is on their case...
...A year from now, somewhere deep under the Saddle Arabian Pennensula, under the O.K. pyramid...
...Okay girls, we've sent back apology letters before we got on that ship to get here, and the guides say not even Daring Do has been here yet. It's clear sailing from here on in untill this all blows over in a few years.... Sweetie Belle! Turn off that light!"
"...B-but...Scootaloo! It's not me! AyBe?"
"Uh-uh, not me neither!"
*...Vorp, vorp, vorp, woooosh...*
" Hello girls! Somepony is in trouble, an' it certainly is not me..."
I'm ashamed of myself, when Apple Bloom said " that Pony Express delivery pony—you know, the one with the lazy eye you ain’t s’posed talk about," I did not make the connection to Derpy AT ALL. How? Just...how can I not make that connection instantly?
The CMC are rapidly becoming the more interesting storyarc at this point. Though I am wondering how Spike's little encounter with Pencil Pusher will go. Knowing Spike, probably not as he plans.
Scootaloo and Applebloom need to be clubbed like a couple of baby seals for what they did to Derpy! Sweetie Belle at least seems to be conscious of the fact that what they did was wrong, but she still let herself be roped into their plan even after she realized they poisoned Derpy. So for that, she gets the lesser punishment of a swat on the muzzle with a rolled up newspaper, and several sprays with a plant mister.
Oh thank god. AJ is on the case. We can count on her to behave rationally and clear the whole thing up. (Watch me be probed horribly horribly wrong. Probably thanks to Rainbow Dash saying something stupid.)
4777234 The fog'll get to them first
Sequel to this story: "The Cutie Mark Crusaders go to Juvie."
"But your honor, we've never poisoned anyone else before. Except our teacher. And Applebloom's brother."
4777717
So you're expecting to be abducted by aliens?
Poor Derpy. That stuff is rough.
CMC killed Derpy, Spike kills pencil pusher, the fog kills the CMC, and the humans kill every one else. I thought I clicked that damn" dark tag" off when I did my search. :P
Please, Please Applejack stop the romantic misdirection from getting any more complicated
The CMC poisoned Derpy they are horrible, horrible ponies at least Sweetie feels a bit of guilt over it, they need to be punished so much when they're parents find out that was a bit beyond their normal well meaning mistakes. Even if it was a sleeping draft then they may well have given her an overdose or found she was allergic to it.
Well, it could be worse - the Crusaders could actually be trying to administer first aid. That'd kill her for sure.
the cmc will just put all the blame on the hamster after thinking it got the upper hand in the contract he failed to notice the takeing the fall clauze sweetie put in just in case all went south
like sweetie said she gots this
and since scoots has no parents she wont really get into much trouble ether in fact they will find out shes an orphan and end up being adobted by rainbow dash and her new mare friend fluttershy
Poor Derpy.
Kinda hate Scoots and Apple Bloom right now for poisoning Derpy. And then what they did after discovering they'd used the wrong sort of poison didn't help matters. At least Sweetie Belle is still good.
Well, at least things look like they'll be getting resolved soon. And the romantic subplots are likely to get resolved via common sense, no less!
Everyone commenting on Derpy being poisoned.... you do all realize that syrup of ipecac is NOT poison (although yes, it turns out it's not entirely good for you either), and making you vomit is what it's supposed to do? Although I'm thinking that Apple Bloom put a little too much in that muffin... Plus they wasted a perfectly good muffin.
No, Derpy! Don't do it!
OH!... MY!... GLOB! KWAKY!
I've been waiting for AJ to clear things up for ages now, and what do I get?
My forehead is now a brilliant shade of red from the epic palm smacking it received. In hindsight, how did I NOT see this coming?
And now the CMC have spawned an alternate timeline in which Derpy develops an intense fear of muffins, somehow leading to the EPIC PONY WAR in the days of future past. It is at times like these when one can think of only one phrase:
thebenchout.de/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/goodjob.png
Did anyone think to assign at least one pony to keeping an eye on the CMC at all times? Did anyone tell the foals that they need to be inside or else the fog will kill them? Seriously, between the CMC’s flagrant disregard for common sense and their respective guardians’ inability to recognise that anything less than 24/7 supervision with those three will result in somebody getting horrifically maimed or dying… at this point I’m almost hoping the CMC meet a gruesome demise; when you’ve rolled the dice as often as those three have sooner or later it has to turn up snake eyes.
4778913 - I've mentioned that Scootaloo does have parents in this story.
4778961 Actually, deliberately tainting someone's food with a foreign substance that harms them somehow is pretty much the legal definition of poisoning them. It counts even if the harm was unintentional.
So it's entirely fair to say that they poisoned her.
=====
4779090 Well, it's Word of God that this story is taking place between seasons 2 and 3 of the show. Since they are in several episodes in seasons 3 and 4, it's safe to say they'll make it. Not that I disagree on how stupid they're being, mind you.
Thank you, Applejack. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. These romcom shenanigans needed to stop, and I'm very glad that somepony stepped up to do just that.
Also, how many pints of elbow grease did Fluttershy need to go with that left-hoofed smoke shifter?
As for Derpy... well, I'm sure she'll be fine eventually, but she's not going to enjoy the interim. Poor best pony.
Looking forward to more.
Oh my god, this just got really, really dark...
Like, just the way you wrote it makes the fact that they left without helping Derpy all the more disturbing.
4777298
It's like a Schrödinger's story, then.
Oh no, Applejack, the devourer of drama, is out to slay the romantic entanglement with her dread sword "common sense." Quick Spike, before it's too late, set up Pencil Pusher with Pinkie Pie!
there goes that theory lol maybe her parents die in the fog ?
On the contrary, Scoots. You might have been able to pass that off as a bad muffin, had you and your friends not left a first-aid kit and ran. Just sayin'
But I think "poisoning" is too strong a word. AskJeeves dictionary defines "poison" as a substance with an inherent property that tends to destroy life or impair health. That's how I've always used it.
Nitric acid is a poison. Ipecac is a jackass prank.
Thank god for AJ's involvement, Celestia knows that Dash's plans were only going to get ever worse.
Oh thank Celestia, good ol' Applejack can knock some sense into Rainbow. Let's hope, at least.
Poor Derpy. I'll bet there's some karma coming to the CMC some time in the future.
I noticed an error:
4777856
Awww dang it.
I curse you my mortal enemy! I CURSE YOU TO TARTARUS MISTYPING!
Ooh, poor Derpy.
Is nothing safe from the CMC rampage?
I'm ded
4777357 No, she just wishes it would, right now...
4778672 Fortunately for Apple Bloom, she doesn't have to worry about her parent's finding out. Right Apple Bloom?
Apple Bloom -
4779553 Yeah I don't see the CMC dying either. Now suffering from a mild case of Hypothermia on the other hand.
4777298
> the moment right after the airplane's engines fail but just before it starts plummeting towards the earth.
That's...uh...that's not actually how airplanes work. If the engines go out, the airplane becomes a (somewhat inefficient*) glider. An airliner has a glide ratio of about 12:1 (every unit of height buys 12 units of horizontal distance), based on the Gimli Glider, while a light aircraft (such as a Cessna 172) has a glide ratio of around 9:1. The Gimli Glider was flown at 220 kts, giving a descent rate of 31 fps or 9.4 m/s. A Cessna 172 has a best glide speed of 65 kts, giving a descent rate of 12 fps or 3.7 m/s. I would hardly call either one of those "plummeting", and a soft landing is entirely possible (just flare like normal before landing). Heck, even a helicopter can autorotate and get a glide ratio of about 4:1 if the engine goes out.
* Modern gliders have glide ratios in the 40:1 to 60:1 range
4787973 I knew someone would be pedantic and correct me. The plane was also stalling.
4788582 - If it's any consolation, I'm still not sure if your original comment was meant to be a compliment or a criticism.