Moments of Calm

by The Iguana Man

Author's Notes

Author's Note:

Oookay, so... here's the thing.

I'm quite a big fan of the idea of "crack shipping", particularly when said ships are taken seriously by the work. So, when I saw a contest revolving around it, I was quite happy but...

Well, there have been contests in the past where I've very much approved of the subjects and haven't felt any need to enter them myself, but this time, for some reason, it just felt... wrong not to. Even though I didn't have any ideas for stories or ships at first, the ship I eventually came up with after searching for one isn't even all that creative and I really doubt my ability to believably write romance, I just felt like I needed to... put my money where my mouth is, so to speak.

Combining all of this with the inclusion of both Spitfire letting out her anger as part of their relationship dynamic and a scene involving one party drunk (both things that are... spectacularly easy to screw up, I doubt I need to tell you) and the fact I kind of had to rush the second half to fit under the word limit and... yeah, I am not happy with this one, but I can't really bring myself not to put it out there, if only to get feedback on what could be improved (even if I suspect the answer is 'everything'). I sincerely apologize if I screwed up anything about the topics I was trying to handle. Hopefully, I entertained you a little bit.

Comments

[BootySnacc]

I really liked this story. The idea of SpitFire x Fluttershy had never crossed my mind and I think its now one of my favorite ships so thank you for that. I love what you did with their relationship dynamics and it works really well I think. I think if you weren't under any contest constrictions you could have something pretty good here (not that you don't already). Cheers : )

[ibanix]

This was a lovely story. I actually believed this was a good match. Spitfire the repressed overworked captain and Fluttershy the patient listener - the way it was built up was excellent.

My only desire would be that a little more from Fluttershy’s side on her interest for / falling for Spitfire.

[Silent Wing]

Actually, I don't see anything that could be improved. I loved the story just the way it is. Thank you for it, making my day just a bit brighter.

[Spamotron]

This is a very convincing story about how Spitfire could fall for Fluttershy. But how and why the reverse happened is pretty nebulous. Now that isn’t strictly speaking necessary for a good romance story. It still feels a little odd.

[The Iguana Man]

11187351

That's fair. I did try and get the basic idea across, but it really needed a lot more exploration. Could probably have done a better job if I could just stop myself treating word limits like the serving size suggestions on a tub of ice cream after a bad breakup, but c'est la vie. Hope you got some enjoyment from the story anyway.

[Bicyclette]

ah, i'm always sorry to hear when an author is not quite satisfied with how a story turned out. i've been there myself, so i understand! but every bit of writing and every bit of learning is a good thing, so i'm glad you wrote this!

as for improvement, one thing i noticed is that the structure was pretty unconventional, which was difficult to pull off. there's the slice-of-life in the present where Fluttershy and Spitfire already established, with flashbacks to earlier events to illustrate points in their conversation reflecting on their own relationship. but the characters pointing this out in their dialogue really makes the whole thing feel like a clip show, which isn't good for a serious story! in general, letting the events of the story speak for themselves instead of explicitly explaining or justifying these characters is the way to go. show, don't tell.

in any case, thank you for the entry, and good luck with your future writing!

[Lore Horse]

Proceeds to read through the comments.

Could probably have done a better job if I could just stop myself treating word limits like the serving size suggestions

Does this mean that there's a chance you'll come back to this idea and turn it from the serving size suggestion into a full course meal? This is one of my favorite stories (and not just because I'm a Fluttershy fan) and it would be interesting to see how you would flesh out their relationship now that you're not under a deadline.

[Vaguely Demented]

Nice story. Would have been interesting to see it continue.