• Member Since 4th Apr, 2021
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Conglomerate


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Twilight, has unfortunately died. Thankfully, because she recently became an alicorn, she is easily revived. There is only one problem, for some reason, her soul won't come back to the land of the living. Fearing the worst, her friends embark on a journey into the Domain of the Dead to find out what happened.

Art by MeshGearFox

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 14 )

A pretty interesting story ngl...Cant wait to see what happens next!

Okay... I've got to see where this goes.

I wonder if I'm the only one that imagines this with the art style of Pixar's Coco. That is until you use different visual descriptions than what I want to see in my mind's eye.

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I had a bit of this as well, but since most of the mythology in MLP is Greek, I kinda had to mix the two into what you see now. There were definitely going to be more Coco/Book of Life themes before I had to change it to fit the narrative better.

Just how bad was the story if you're rewriting it? Seeing this for the first time, so... 😁

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It was less of bad and more of old. I wrote it more than two years ago, and I certainly have come a long way in writing style. I never finished it, and now that I'm completing it, I wanted there to be less of a divide between chapters. They are mostly minor changes, grammar fixes and formatting errors and whatnot, but there were a few scenes I have changed entirely.

As soon as the pair left, a deep rumbling laugh echoed throughout the chamber, black smoke filled with red embers started billowing out of a crack in the wall. Then, a faint sound of scraping and chains rattling could be heard.

Sombra?

Also, nice work so far

Finally finished this fic after putting it in my “favourites” in 2020 (back then I used favourites as read it later).

Honest this was good, a nice little adventure in the land of the death, with some interesting bits of world building, action, suspense and a bit of bisare comedy. I would probably check your other fics, see if something catches my eye.

upon cresting the top, she stopped deader in her tracks.

Nice one!

The element bearers remained silent, especially Applejack.

*Snerk*

“Manuel Calavera: Number two billion, three hundred sixty five million, six hundred ninety eight thousand, six hundred fifty two.”

Nice reference to "Grim Fandango".

“Don’t focus on anatomy, darling, focus on being whole.” Rarity suggested.

That totally fits as a mistake Twilight would make.

MAYBE you could insert "Director's Cut" chapters.in the middle with whatever of your cut content would fit. Would probably need to insert "go to next chapter here* points in the existing chapters to avoid stuff that needs to be rewritten for the longer.version and am probably similar " return from expanded version" points ALSO in the pre-existing chapters. Again, not.sure.it.would wprk, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to suggest it.

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