The Writers' Group56,457 stories ·9,300 members
One-Shots18,923 stories ·2,369 members
I Just Want a Comment15,721 stories ·3,674 members
The Shameless Self-Promotion Bureau49,299 stories ·5,462 members
Ageless Twilight300 stories ·445 members
Lost Memories72 stories ·47 members
Stories about Immortality328 stories ·289 members
Sad Horse Gang55 stories ·40 members
Twilight Sparkle can't seem to remember what was most dear to her.
Inspired by a friend, who in turn was inspired by a fan song called Old Phantoms.
Thanks to AFanaticRabbit for the help with editing.
Yes, this is a story about Twilight outliving her friends, sorry if you're tired of those.
Page generated in 0.122 seconds
Total duration
936 users online
2,519,771 hits today, 2,139,894 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
As usual, this was a pleasure to help edit. I hope folks enjoy it!
Very good, a lot of emotions in a very short amount of time. Though wouldn't Spike be huge at this point?
10827555
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Regarding Spike, that's possible, but I pictured him just a little bigger than in The Last Problem for this little story, though.
This was an interesting short piece, though it feels incomplete; kinda fitting considering the subject.
10838691
Why do you think it feels incomplete?
10838959
Given the story's subject matter it appears to me that Twilight has some form of memory loss/mental degradation, possibly dementia/alzheimers. There's enough buildup to lead to the story in question, (though I figured the narrator was spike pretty quickly) and what was written was a decent scene with enough context to connect me to the scene, but not much else -- what's happening outside the castle, what are the rest of the ponies doing, where are Celestia and Luna in all of this -- they might be retired but unless the same issue is happening to them or they're already dead somehow then surely they would have swung by to check in on how Twilight is doing?
To summarize my thoughts -- you wrote a good short scene that builds off your synopsis -- but you've also put in enough background info (which is necessary to establish the scene, don't think otherwise) to make me wonder just what is going on outside, Twilight has apparently spent a long time alone in the castle and no one thought to check in her besides Spike.
Call it a weird nitpick or w/e but after reading your story and taking a minute to think on it I had a shedload of questions that popped up, which is partly why I said it felt incomplete.
Also there's this exchange:
"I love reading a good book in good company. It really helps me drown out the sound of the rain. I hope it stops soon.”
I turned my head to look outside. It was dark outside, the sun had already come down. I could feel the night breeze brush upon me, but there wasn’t a single drop of rain."
which reminded me of the album Everywhere at the End of Time, specifically the last few minutes of the final track, which is filled with static and contributed to my feelings on your piece.
10839021
I totally see what you mean! I of course left some things vague because I wanted to explore the idea of what happens to Twilight without focusing too much on other things. Perhaps a sequel could happen, we'll have to see!
Thanks so much for the comment and input, I appreciate it.