Hi, my name is Heroic412227, but you can call me Heroic. I'm still learning how to be the best writer I can be.
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This story is a sequel to All Against One
Sid tries to get groceries from the Ponyville Marketplace like a normal citizen would, but due to both his status as Equestria's resident evil scientist and his first attempt going awry, he gets into more trouble than he thought.
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Reviewed.
The dialogue felt really, actually, jusy about everything here feels forced and the exposition kind of goes over board describing the scenes.
Try saying the dialogue out loud while you're writing, I've heard that helps out alot, as for the exposition, you're over explaining, I'd suggest toning it down a bit.
Sorry if I'm being harsh. I'm not really used to giving feedback. Just keep practicing, you'll get better with time.
10824300
It's okay. Thank you.
My Little review & Feedback I did your review.
10860903
Thanks.
I guess Sid is one that's book smart with a lack of common sense, since he decides on an invisibility device, instead of one to transform him into a pony, and even one to disguise his voice just to be safe. At any rate a solid start, if a bit rushed. I feel at the very least a scene showing the mane 6 watching them close their stands and feeling bad, then agreeing to get it for him, would have been nice, to develop their relationship with Sid a bit more.
11115397
Thanks.