Day-to-Day Shopping

by Heroic412227

Summary

Sid tries to get groceries from the Ponyville Marketplace like a normal citizen would, but due to both his status as Equestria's resident evil scientist and his first attempt going awry, he gets into more trouble than he thought.

Initial Thoughts

Sid? Who is Sid? I know, from talking to the author before, that there’s a Sonic OC of his named Sid. But there’s no indication that this is a crossover, nor a sequel. I’m somewhat curious to know what is all going on here.

My General Reaction

I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t that.

This story is a bit of a mess, so let me see if I can unpack. Sid is apparently some sort of villain in Equestria, though it isn’t until near the very end of this short story that there’s even a hint that he’s a changeling. He has two robotic minions named Tin and Tinker, I think. It’s hard to tell, since there’s almost zero descriptions of important elements in the story itself. No description of Sid, nor his allies, nor anything relevant to them outside of the color and shape of Sid’s newest device: A Camouflage Helmet.

It would be more accurate to say the helmet – Sid’s newest invention – is an Invisibility Helmet, but since it serves literally no purpose to the plot or story once it’s introduced, I just can’t bring myself to care. There’re almost no details in this story, especially where the characters are concerned. It just feels like someone is writing down the events of a (bad) Saturday morning cartoon as they watch it, without embellishment or thought or really any detail beyond the most surface-based reading.

Sid tries to purchase eggs from Ponyville Marketplace, but forgets to take off his helmet, so he is invisible at first. This is so he doesn’t scare anyone, according to himself, and so he can quietly get his shopping done without being attacked by the Main Six (which he calls them, in-universe). But the second that this inconveniences him, Sid removes his helmet, so I don’t see why he needed it to begin with.

This attracts the Main Six instantaneously, and it’s here that I realized this was a sequel. An unmarked sequel as well. Sid has apparently tangled with them before, and they recognize him. But then once they see he’s just shopping, Twilight and her friends just leave. Again, I don’t see why this scene exists.

And from then on, every store Sid goes to is closed before he can purchase anything. The story chalks this up to his villainous reputation, but since we haven’t read the prequel and nothing is every described or really explained, this is all guesswork. Sid, not remembering he has an invisibility helmet, becomes dejected and gives up, only for the Main Six to appear, give him his groceries, and then let him leave with a non-committal comment about maybe, possibly going down the straight and narrow later.

I really don’t know what to say about this story. Well, “story”. It’s a simplistic hodgepodge of ideas that don’t do anything or go anywhere, and we’re given no reason to care about the events in the story or the characters either. It just exists.

Grammar and Word Things

8/10 – Lots of tense-shifting
There’s not really anything wrong on a technical level, outside of the constant shifting of tenses throughout the story and some rather awkward sentence structures here and there. The most egregious error would be Rainbow Dash misusing the word “Unlikely” at one point, but that’s more an issue of subtext.

Story/Plot/Pacing

5/10 – A plot happens
On paper, this could work. Sid wants groceries, so he goes to get them, and things/events occur to prevent him from getting his groceries. Again, from a technical level, nothing wrong. But the execution is extremely lackluster. The events and obstacles stopping Sid are paper-thin, at best, and self-defeating at worst.

Characters

1/10 – The barest amount
Sid is incredibly underdeveloped, as are his henchbots. There’s just no explanation or justification for anything involving characters in this piece, and even the more familiar Main Six act very aggressive and yet very inconsistently when they do arrive.

Final Word and Rating

Day-to-Day Shopping is a critically underdeveloped rough draft of an idea. Its plot is threadbare, and its character nearly nonexistent. It feels as if it was written off the cuff, with only a basic skeleton of an idea sketched out beforehand, if that. I would recommend to skip this one.

To the author: Even if this was labeled as a sequel, I would expect any story to set the scene when it begins. What is Sid, and what does he look like? What’s the deal with his minions? Who is he, and what’s his deal? If nothing is explained, the reader is just lost as to what’s going on. Take the time to develop the characters and the scenery, instead of just relying on the reader to completely fill in the gaps.

Feel free to comment below.

<For Archive Purposes: 4.6/10>

Hey there, Ninjadeadbeard. Thank you for the review and sorry about Sid. If you want to know more about him, you can check out his wiki page down below:

Sid