• Member Since 29th Dec, 2014
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

Architect Ironturtle


Just a scientist who's working through the six levels of writing in his spare time. Currently attacking number four, Structure.

T

Aelion, home of the Immortals, those chosen few whose eternal life allows them to stand in defense of their world no matter how many times their enemies strike them down. Up until about five seconds ago, I was not one of them. Now I'm standing outside of some crumbling castle under the light of a total eclipse with only the voice in my head of the being that stuck me here to tell me what the **** is going on.

Leere's to-do list (for me):
1. Go into castle.
2. Help those inside.
3. Drive off impending invasion from The Reapers of Death.

...I think he missed a few steps.

A.N.: This is not Chess Game of the Gods or Displaced. Crossover with Skyforge the MMO. Kudos if you can figure out where the name George Someone comes from. Featured 1/6/2016.

Chapters (6)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 40 )

Thanks for the image of the Atlas, reminds me of the Sphere Grid from Final Fantasy X,
Also, a couple of points with the sentence flow I made notice of;

You'd think their be at least one other patron on such a busy night.

'there would be'

I'm pretty this is what is known as a "battle rush:"

'pretty sure this'

Look out guys, there's an evil on the loose.
Also, more grammar!

but the Elements changed their mind an instant and the feeling retreated.

'their mind in an instant' (or) 'their mind after a moment' (whichever you prefer)

he was holding her off until I activate the Elements.

'activated'

Could you and your accommodate George while I head back to Canterlot

'you and your friends accomodate'

I really didn't want to stay this ruin any longer than I had too.

'stay in this ruin' (or) 'stay in these ruins'

So far this is really cool and I can't wait for the next chapter, also thank you I didn't know that Skyforge even existed so I'm going to go play that!

Lab

With the starter pack Larry gave him, George is probably over his "spark of insight" limit for the week.

Moarrr like seriously I need to see what happens next

This is good. Please keep the story going

I was intrigued, now I am curious. I know nothing about the base game, but it sounds very interesting. So, this story is helping me decide to go and give it an indepth look or just get it and play. Also, I am curious to know one little thing. Is the surname Someone just so George has one, or is it really a surname?

6625147 I don't know whether it's a name in real life, but I did not make up the name George Someone. He's named after someone else, and the author's note in the description is daring you to find out who.

As for Skyforge, I'd recommend making an account now, playing until you unlock the Hostile Territories, than waiting until the official release to go any farther. It's currently in open beta (which started last July) and while fully playable and enjoyable (the multiplayer in particular is very good) you can tell it's not quite finished. It also has spark caps, a limit on how much you can progress every week, so those who started late can't ever catch up to the first players. They do have special missions to help those later players catch up, but the game was designed this way on purpose so the new guys won't ever quite match the old ones.

6625287 So, sooner in, the better? Also, do the spark caps adjust with level or are they static?

6625412 Inconclusive. I've gotten roughly 20,000 every week ever since I started, so if they do go up, it's not by much.

This was a sweet chapter. Can hardly wait for more.

I like this Luna. She better embodies Laughter which she first weilded. Also, privately being a jokester and pranker seems appeopriate for the mare who shows up on Nightmare Night later. Unfortunately for her, the only ones who would believe she is like that probably are the staff and guards of the castle, her sister and now George.

Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke.

:rainbowlaugh: Git me mah pokin' stick, we gots some investerigatin' to do.

That has to be the most accommodating semi-demonic patron spirit I've ever read a story about. Next thing he'll be making him sandwiches and fetching beer.

6664810 I know, right? A patron spirit that's actually helpful. It's almost sad that having an unhelpful "helping" spirit is so common that one that really does help is considered subversive instead of cliched.

6667477
And it's really such a strange notion, too. There's so much precedent for that in classical literature: Mephistopheles, Ariel, the Djinn, all proactively helpful and following the spirit and letter of their bargain both. This whole passive-aggressive sabotage thing really shouldn't be as common as it is. It seems like an excuse for not having to come up with a way to make the side character not too overpowered for the plot.

6667482 It's a subversion that became the cliche, something that's gotten more and more common as our collection of stories grows. "I've got a bad feeling about this" wasn't cliche when Stars Wars first came out, after all.

I also covered the OP angle already. Leere is a small fish in a big pond, one that has very strict regulations prohibiting direct interference in mortal affairs. I won't elaborate why those rules are in place just yet (except to note something that will come up at the upcoming meeting, that when the Nightmare spirit called Leere a "walking black hole" he wasn't speaking metaphorically), but you can guarantee there's a very good reason.

I take it you find this one a bit more tolerable than my Displaced?

6667507
Being a native speaker of German, I kind of figured that out the moment you actually gave him a name. :rainbowlaugh:

Given how short the story is so far, I don't have much of an opinion of it yet. I find it more interesting so far, at an rate. The setup is a lot more original than your other one, although I have to say, I find it maybe a bit too game-y. I haven't really got any idea about how the game behind it works (although it has made me interested in trying it out sometime) but I think the story would probably improved a bit by spelling it out less. The part where the character actually tells the pones that his powers are from a video game made me do a bit of a double take. That just seemed something of a weird thing to do to me. I kept expecting them to give him the "wat :ajbemused:" reaction and never take him seriously again.

Celestia is kind of looking like a giant, apathetic asshole there right now. I mean, seriously, if he had been anyone else he would be dead, and she would have let it happen. She doesn't even seem to care. Unless you're actively trying to make her seem unsympathetic, I'm not sure that scene is really working as intended.

Celestia seems kinda like a bitch in this one, maybe that's just me

6806636
6806644

Whoops. Fixing now.

Edit: I adjusted her response to better match the events. I was trying to make it so she wasn't showing undeserved favor and went too far in the other direction.

6806660
Yeah, I think that works much better now.

I carefully left out the biggest and most controversial piece of Aelion's lore, that the Immortals who protected the planet were literally worshiped as gods, with every single one of them having his or her own cult following.

Tens of thousands of cults... My God...

That sounds amazing! And Terrifying! Can you imagine what would happen on the Mortal side of things if even one Immortal betrayed another? It would be like a five hundred way gang war!

EDIT: Completely relevant, I started drooling while thinking of this...

"She's lead Equestria for over a thousand years!"

Sadly led is not like read, and with this 'Carnivore' issue I would recommend some bread.

I'm pretty sure their getting antsy waiting for us."

They're.

magic? telekinesis? put it on the research list, and trotted inside

Missing some caps...

My name's Derpy Ditzy Do, although most ponies call me Muffins."

Normally I would berate you for trying to stay on both sides of the fence, but I approve of Muffins.

It wasn't long before a pegasus named Clear Skies flew up to join me, and we ended up having a lively conservation about how trees get water to their leaves, a much more complex subject than it appeared to be.

I think I would like to know more about the strange Pegasus who seems to know more about plant life than I'd expect from an Earth Pony...

6927668 That's called Nerion's rebellion, and it's just as bad as it sounds because my personal in-game cult currently numbers in the hundreds of thousands, and the biggest I've ever heard of is over 2.5 million, and his would probably top both if he was a player character. There's an entire region devoted to undermining the faith and stability of his Order.

Also, that's got nothing on the Pantheon Wars (Pantheon=Guild), although those might be closer to sports than actual war, since most PvP takes place in a massive stadium packed to the rafters.

Why is a literal god being all kushy mushy with appealing to Celestia's demands? He could at least show some type of backbone and make sure that the world would be ready when the skeevers come

6992568 Here's the list:

1. He is in Celestia's palace, eating her food, and sleeping in her bed. It pays to be polite.

2. While he is physically an immortal, mentally he is still a mechanic from the Midwestern U.S. He's only been here a day, give him some time to settle in.

3. Celestia is more powerful than him at this point. He's got a lot of room to grow.

4. He knows that there will be a meeting at 8 A.M. (about 1.5 hours into the future) to discuss that in detail not only with Celestia but all of her advisers and other ponies of importance. Pushing on the subject before then would be both annoying and rude, hurting his chances instead of helping.

6993184

Valid points and very well thought out.

So you've made me want to try this game out but its not on the table right now I still need to set up my caldari titan in EvE but I'll give it a looksy.

the real shock had come from seeing a unicorn in the bed next to me donate a bright green pint of the stuff. It turned out pony blood came in just as many colors as the rest of them.

I really wonder about the biochemistry of that right now. What do they even breathe?

"Sorry, kid, I've got to run. Zeus spilled asteroids all over the Catonic Nebula again and I'm being called in to clean it up. And yes," he continued, sensing my incredulity, "I do have a job. A dude's got to eat." He was gone before I could ask what he meant.

Leere is a divine Space Janitor. Now that's funny.

A Skyforge crossover... I don't care whether it's good or bad, I have to read this.

Nice, i love Skyforge, so its nice to see a crossover:twilightsmile:

This is a beautifully well-written story and I hope it gets more chapters

Not a fan at all of the Reapers coming to Equestria.
I had believed it would just be George aiding the ponies in their struggle with their own native villains. A roster which is grand and diverse. Instead you are pulling an entirely different universes villain to face George who wields the Atlas.
Sooo. Basically it's just Skyforge rather than George in Equestria.
Still it's a good fic, so I won't downvoted it.

8604149 The ponies do not need George's help to deal with their own villains (barring a few idiot balls). To pretend otherwise is to spit in the face of their accomplishments and character, and just leaving everything as is makes George's presence pointless. Therefore, to keep everyone in character, smart, likable, and purposeful, I needed an outside context problem: something the ponies could not defeat without significant assistance.

Assistance is the key word here. George is but one man, and cannot defend an entire planet by himself. His objective is to build up Equestria to the point that they can fight the Reapers head on, and since he doesn't have access to additional troops or factories from Earth or Aelion, anything they can do must be done with local materials. He will, essentially, be leading the charge of an Equestrian army against the Reapers, one whose composition will be nothing like Aelion's forces.

So yes, it is George in Equestria, especially since the vast majority of the story will focus on the preparations, not the fighting. Reapers won't even show up until the final quarter at the earliest.

This was pretty cool so far.
Any plans on updating?

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!