• Member Since 26th Sep, 2019
  • offline last seen 14 minutes ago

Heroic412227


Hi, my name is Heroic412227, but you can call me Heroic. I'm still learning how to be the best writer I can be.

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After reading so many great and funny stories, Pinkie Pie decides to get into creative writing and start writing her own great story.

However, she suffers from a bad case of writer's block and decides to enlist help from Twilight, who guides her through the process of story writing.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 22 )

I loved it.
This is a kind of story that feels relatable to many writers. Grammar, style, and pace were all at good level and the characters felt in-character.

I hope you'll learn how to write bigger stories in the future, but I definitely won't complain if I read a couple more of stories like this one.

It's a nice little story. I don't think it necessarily needs a comedy tag, but that might just be my personal taste in comedy. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Don't see all that much else.

10476095
Okay. Thanks for the comment.

A review to your story has been posted to the My Little Reviews & Feedback group. I hope you find it helpful.

10476845
Okay. I've already read it. Thanks.

I'll be reading that review in just a moment that I noticed in the comments here on a glance, but first . . . I wanted to put in my two cents.

Simplicity is elegance, and this feels authentic. It definately could not make a fully episode of the show, but perhaps a short clip or mini episode. My point it, it belongs in the setting. I like the character interactions like Pinkie talking to Gummy, Gummy's response, lightbulbs popping out of Pinkie's mane. That's fantastic.

But the other thing I was thinking of was that the story itself is a good moral lesson for other writers struggling with writer's block, potentially including yourself. Making this story might be one way to bypass that. Did it feel like Twilight was teaching you?

Another thing I was thining of was Twilight could have sung her lesson to Pinkie. If avilable, Stygian could offer some writing advice, but Twilight is far more accessable to Pinkie, and Twilight is indeed a writer.

Another thing i think is missing in this story somewhat is Twilight should have either levitated a book off the shelf that illutrated her point or make a checklist of "How to make a story" and write it out right in front of Pinkie. That's a little more in character. Twilight likes to be organized.

Like the checklist Applejack gave Twilight about feeding the pigs.

Step One: Feed the pigs.
Step Two: Don't F*%$ up!

Sorry for the late reply. As for the story itself, I enjoyed it when it comes to characters themselves. I'm not so good at reviewing but I can say it was a fun story and hope to see more:heart:

Pinkie Pie then sat back on her bed and blew the dust off of the binder.

This is right after a line break, or horizontal rule. The line break separates the scenes; the word "then" is unnecesary.

Pinkie Pie sat back on her bed and blew the dust off of the binder.

That's all you need.

Spike was sitting next to her, eating red gemstones.

"What a peaceful and domestic day," Twilight sighed. "Right, Spike?"

"Yeah. Let's not jinx it, though, okay?" Spike said, still eating his red gemstones.

Less than thirty seconds have passed between Spike eating and Spike still eating. You can tell us twice, but in such a short span, you may want to break it up a bit to avoid repeating yourself.

Spike was sitting next to her, his claws digging through a bowl of red gemstones.

"What a peaceful and domestic day," Twilight sighed. "Right, Spike?"

"Yeah," Spike replied, crunching into a crisp jewel. "Let's not jinx it, though, okay?".

It flows a bit better, and doesn't explicitly repeat itself.

"Do you want to explain the next one, Spike?" Twilight asked, turning her head to Spike, who's still eating from his bowl of gemstones.

This line comes much later, after some dialogue and activity, so it's fine to have. I'd still soften the word choice, but the point I'm trying to make with this is that it is now a proper time to use the word "still."

"Do you want to explain the next one, Spike?" Twilight asked, turning her head to her assistant, still munching on his rubies.

Other than that, I'd say to include a bit more facial movements for Pinkie. While all of the ponies are heavily reliant on their faces, Pinkie is the most expressive of all. She's very animated.

This is a wonderful premise, and rather well-told. It does need some work, but let's be honest, I've seen worse. You kept the characters faithful (a difficult task to do well), you had a decent story structure and you managed to make me chuckle at a light bulb. You're on the right path, keep it up.

10593605
Thanks for both the reply and the help.

Hey, Heroic412227! On behalf of the Reviewer's Mansion, the review you requested has been completed. Check it out by clicking this link.

Why is this story in a group about Cozy Glow?

10699375
Oh. Sorry about that.

10699431
Review Conclusion from a different point of view. Review

I liked this story, it fits Pinkie Pie and how she would go about trying to get over writer's block. Actually what Pinkie Pie does is exactly what I like to do with others. I go and talk about different story ideas this not only helps me but it helps others to get over writer's block. Sometimes, other writers, I talk to like to talk about their story as if the story was actually happening in real life. It makes sense that Pinkie Pie would ask a friend to help her write a story.

"So, you have the premise, main characters, and conflict, but not the setting and time period. Where and when does your story take place?" Twilight asked.

Hello. Nice story. I didn't notice a setting option for Pinkie. She defined: premise, main characters, conflict, time period. But not the setting.

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