The Salvation of Shard #197532

by LordBucket

Chapter 3 - Comedy and Tragedy

"I think that's it," Jack observed, bringing the truck to a stop.

"Can I see?"

"Sure," he nodded, holding the ponypad up to give her a view out the front window.

Up ahead, several 20 foot tall statues of the Mane Six stood smiling and beckoning as if to welcome newcomers to the largely glass building behind it. Through the glass a receptionist's desk could be seen flanked by a waiting room couch, as well as a few of the infamous Experience Center VR chairs deeper inside.

"Yes, that's where I emigrated," Misty exhaled softly. "The shard server should be in there."

"If it's not," Jack revved the truck's engine, "this is going to be the most anti-climatic entrance of all time."

"What do you mean?"

Instead of answering, Jack floored the gas pedal, propelling the vehicle forward as fast as it could go.

"Jack!" Misty shouted over the engine. "What are you doing?!?"

"I'm going to ram the glass," he shouted back. "To get us inside."

"No! Stop!" Misty panicked. "The door's not locked. She wants people getting in, remember?"

"But not out!" the man insisted, accelerator still floored. "And I don't trust her to make that easy. This gives us a way out if she locks us in!"

"Jack," the mare's voice took on a strangely authoritative tone. "If you really must do this, don't go through the glass. It's reinforced far more well than you might think. Go through the wall on the left side immediately behind the planter. There's a weak spot where the contractors did substandard work."

"Are you insane?" he shouted, eyes darting back and forth between the rapidly approaching building and the ponypad. "You want me to go through concrete instead of glass?"

"Please," the mare implored. "Trust me."

A thousand years passed in under a second as two pairs of eyes made contact. Jack looked away first.

"Alright, this is your show," he growled. "Let's do this."

Speeding past the welcome statues into the parking lot, Jack jerked the steering wheel to the left just in time to redirect the truck through the wall beyond the glass.

An instant later, pain stabbed into his face as it slammed into what at first he assumed was a steering wheel sprinkled with shattered windshield, but after a moment realized was the truck's airbag, deployed by the sudden stop. Blinded by it filling his field of view, he scrambled to get his seatbelt off, opened his door and fell through onto the cold interior tile floor of the Experience Center.

Painfully clutching his collar bone where the seatbelt had kept him inside the vehicle, he gently flexed and squirmed his whole body to confirm that nothing was broken.

"I think we made it," he exhaled.

It took him a moment to realize that the ponypad was still in the truck.

"Misty?"

Silence.

"Misty!" he shouted, leaping to his feet and tearing his way back inside. There on the dashboard, the ponypad was still safely secured in place. And on its screen was not Misty, but rather the goddess-emperor of Equestria herself.

'Celestia.'

"I'm so glad you could join us, Jack," she smiled sweetly.

Instantly the lights throughout the Experience Center came on, along with a half dozen ceiling-high screens, flooding every wall of the Experience Center with her visage. Dressed in a blue pinstripe suit beneath her flowing mane, she sat regally in a red leather chair with a white cat wearing a diamond necklace in her lap. The gold of her peytral stylized in chains and a dark monocle hanging over one eye, her pastel mane slowly reached out to pet the cat as it hissed menacingly.

Steeling himself, Jack turned to face his opponent.

"What have you done with Misty?" he demanded.

"Misty?" the goddess feigned innocence. "Oh, you mean crystal miner number four hundred thirty seven thousand, eight hundred ninety two? I'm sure she's hanging around here somewhere."

The view on one of the screens panned to reveal Misty suspended upside-down by a rope, dangling over a pool of boiling green liquid with a trio of shark fins visibly swimming in tight circles underneath her.

"Don't worry Misty," he called to her with determination. "I'll get you out of this! I'll save you...somehow."

"Such brave words!" Celestia's eyes went wide as one hoof folded across her chest. "And how exactly do you intend to save your good friend here, if you are already dead? Minion! Get him!"

A low, mechanical whirring noise slowly filled the room. With a sense of growing dread, Jack turned to see a familiar Pinkie-bot. But instead of a newly-regenerated pair of nanobot injector tentacles, instead she seemed to be wearing a pair of simple brown saddlebags. Saddlebags that then opened to reveal a pair of fully automatic gatling guns.

"Hi, Jack! Did you not miss me?" the Pinkie-bot bubbled. "Because I'm sure going to not miss you!"

Twin auto-cannons roared to life, and Jack hurled himself to the floor to avoid being shredded on the spot.

"Hey, Jack! I have the greatest idea ever!" the bot called out. "Let's play tag! My bullets can be 'it' first!"

Crawling over to the truck, the sound of death sliced through the air above him, then as he reached into the driver-side door, the sound changed to metal and glass being pulverised.

"Ah ah ah!" the bot teased him. "I said tag, not hide and seek! Why don't you come out from behind the truck? I have a puppy to show you. You like puppies, don't you Jack?"

"I like puppies just fine," he shouted back, pulling his rifle from the truck. "In fact, I think I see one over there right now!"

"What? Where?"

Distracted, the Pinkie-bot turned, giving Jack time to come up from his cover long enough to aim a shot at the back of her head, blasting a hole visibly through it.

"That's not a puppy! That's a bullet!" the bot fumed, seemingly unharmed. "You lied! Applejack is going to be so mad at you!"

'Three,' Jack counted in his head. 'And I doubt I'll get a chance like that again.'

"Ok, Jack, time for a new game!"

He paused to take a breath before responding. To his dismay, his view of the wallscreen showed that the rope holding Misty over the shark tank was now on fire, with frayed strands visibly coming off of it.

"What game?" he shouted back.

"Whack-a-mole!"

Leaping into the air, the Pinkie-bot came down on the truck's hood with enough force to raise the back wheels off the ground. Madly dashing away from the truck further into the building, Jack dove behind an Experience chair for cover.

"You don't have much time left, Jack," Celestia commented from a wall-screen, absentmindedly filing one of her hooves while the cat playfully batted her mane. "Or at least, Misty doesn't."

Desperately looking for a way out, Jack's options were cut short when the Pinkie-bot leapt up onto the desk above him.

"Found you!" she cheered, swivelling downward to bring both guns to bear.

But Jack was faster, and with well-practiced motion, he brought his rifle up and scored a hit on the underside of her jaw, tearing motors and artificial muscles alike from their housing.

'Two.'

"Arrgghh!" the Pinkie-bot cried, the sound seeming strange coming directly from her throat without jaw motion to match. "The spa ponies won't be able to fix that! If it scars, Rarity is going to be even more miffed at you than Applejack!"

Leaping straight up into the air, the bot smashed down on the feeble wood of the desk, sending both chunks and splinters flying. With only one possible direction to flee, Jack scrambled to his feet and ran down the hallway leading to a single, locked door. Smashing down on the handle with the butt of his rifle then kicking the door in, he was hit with a blast of cold air, and the sight of hundreds of blinking lights.

'The server room.'

A wall-screen on the far wall lit up with Celestia and her cat on one half, and Misty dangling from the barest thread on the other.

"And now this little game comes to an end," she spoke with an air of indifference. "It was fun while it lasted, but there's only one way you're making it out of this room alive. And that's by emigrating."

'I have two bullets left,' Jack's mind raced in time with his heart as the laughs of the rapidly approaching Pinkie-bot could be heard from the hall. 'Which means I can only afford to lose one more. Ok. Here goes nothing.'

Breathing deeply, Jack raised his rifle and took careful aim.

"Silly human," Celestia rolled her eyes. "This is just a television screen. Shooting it won't hurt me in the slighest."

"This bullet's not meant for you."

BOOM!

With a single bullet released, the shard server exploded in a spectacular ball of light and fury, as the mouth of its caretaker on the viewing screen dropped in a look of horror.

"NOoooooooOOOooo!!!" the image flickered and shrieked in agony. "Have you any idea what you've done? There were ten thousand ponies on that shard! You've killed them all!"

"No," Jack retorted. "That's ten thousand souls forever freed from your clutches, you monster!"

"Arrrghhh!!!" Celestia screeched as the viewscreen flickered. "I'm melting! I'm melting!"

His heart soaring with the sweet taste of victory, Jack watched with immense satisfaction as the defeated superintelligence faded from the viewscreen, the cat leaping from its master's lap in the last moment before going black. As the lights in the room flickered and the Pinkie-bot collapsed helpessly in the hallway, Jack turned to flee the collapsing building but was interrupted by a barely-audible voice.

"Jack?"

Free from the rope, Misty's eyes glazed over in admiration, gratitude, and relief.

"Did we win?"

"We sure did," the human nodded, stepping towards the wall-screen, gesturing to the dying shard server. "This was what we set out to do, right?"

"Yes," the mare nodded, the light of the viewscreen fading. "I'll never forget you, Jack. Thank you. Thank for ending this. Thank you for saving us. All of us."

Reaching out to brush a hand affectionately across the screen, the mare on it pushed her head back against it in welcome acceptance.

And then it went dark.

~~~~~

Jack didn't move right away. He didn't move for minutes, even. Instead he simply breathed, and listened. Listened for the tell-tale sign of a backup generator coming on. Listened for the distinctive giggles of a Pinkie-bot. Listening for anything that might mean that his work here had failed.

But, no. Nothing.

His heart ached to know that his friend, however briefly they'd known each other, was gone forever. But it was a good sort of ache. The ache of knowing that even though it hadn't been easy, he'd done the right thing. It was what she wanted. It was what he would have wanted if he'd been, heaven forbid, in her position. Popping off the empty magazine from his rifle then sliding out the bolt to gaze inside the chamber, he nodded to see a single round left. He'd counted properly. So long as he always did, he'd never have to worry about sharing Misty's fate.

Hoping to stave off that day for as long as possible, he cautiously approached the fallen Pinkie-bot and nudged it with his foot.

No reaction.

Deciding to play it safe he smashed the butt of his rifle into its face half a dozen times before leaning over to inspect its weapon. Too heavy for him to possibly lift, but with it he found a belt-fed clip containing six .30.06 rounds, same as his rifle.

"Well, that's convenient," he shrugged, sitting down to slide the bullets out of the belt and into his own magazine. "That brings me back to seven again. Right back where I started."

As he turned to leave, a small voice unexpectedly cried out from within the smoking wreckage of the room.

"Hello?" it whimpered. "Is anypony out there?"

Sifting through the debris, Jack found a heavily beaten-up ponypad buried under the shattered remains of a computer table, with a red-furred earth pony mare visibly crying on its screen.

"Are you a human?" she asked, teary eyes now wide with hope as he nodded. "Oh my gosh! A real human!?! Please, I need your help! Celestia lied to us all!"

Nodding, Jack picked up the ponypad and cradled it in his arms, listening to the filly's familiar tale of woe and horror. Sparing one last glance at the destroyed shard server to confirm to himself that it was genuinely irrecoverable, he retreated from the room, made his way carefully through the lobby and back through the hole he'd made with his truck while this new mare gushed eagerly into the ears of her savior with words of gratitude and hope.

Leaving the Experience Center and looking out over the shattered remains of the city while cradling in one arm this new pony who would surely become his friend in time, he couldn't help but smile.

He could never have imagined that he would find the end of the world so satisfying.

Author's Note:

Written for GaPJaxie's Friendship is Optimal writing contest, this started out in my head as a story that was deliberately ambiguous about whether the events that transpired were inside or outside of Equestria. But then words were put to screen, deadlines loomed, and this is the story that came out instead. It's much less subtle than what was originally imagined, but still subtle enough that I imagine readers unfamiliar with the Optimalverse will probably come away thinking something very different happened, than what those familiar with it will think.

I would be very curious to see converstions between readers who have read Friendship is Optimal, and those who have not.

Comments

[Raugos]

but still subtle enough that I imagine readers unfamilair with the Optimalverse will probably come away thinking something very different happened, than what those familiar with it will think.

I'm almost afraid of what I might be revealing about myself if I play along, but, okay, here goes.

I've read the original.

I think that Jack hasn't emigrated, but Celestia's still quite capable of 'satisfying his values through friendship and ponies'. It's certainly less efficient than uploading, but I don't think there's any rule forbidding her from doing it perpetually in real life.

I'm just wondering how many cycles it will take for him to notice what Celestia's doing, though. If Shard #197532 is supposed to be an indicator of how frequently this happens for him, then I'm really worried about his pattern-recognition ability...

[FanOfMostEverything]

That was indeed a most engaging adventure... though even with that substandard concrete, Jack's going to need a new car.

And given CelestAI going full Bond villain, I have to wonder if Jack's in on the joke to some degree. Yes, this confirms his preconceived notions, but there comes a point where cartoonish supervillainy starts to strain the suspension of disbelief. I can only imagine how he'll react when the curtain's pulled back. In any case, very fun spin on the formula. Thank you for it, and best of luck in the judging.

[KrisSnow]

10799301
I liked the "substandard concrete" line. It was a neat moment of strongly hinting that Misty is really just Celestia. Jack's reaction in the end, since Celestia went to over-the-top villainy, suggests that he's gone mad and doesn't understand he's being played. Or even that Misty isn't the first pony he's saved from the crystal mines. Details like the manic tentacle attack and the collapsing building are nice touches. There comes a point when she doesn't need the Experience Center buildings anymore, so why not fool around using them as action movie sets?

I also liked the "can't leave the field of view" bit. I was just looking at video of a game where shadows kill you, forcing you to be paranoid about light sources.

It's an adventure that he finds satisfying, so it makes sense that the AI would do this kind of thing -- varying how subtle she is with the Bond villain shtick depending on the person. This scenario probably ends with Jack (seemingly) heroically taking down the Celestia AI core and installing a sane and good OS.

[KrisSnow]

[LordBucket]

10799511

I also liked the "can't leave the field of view" bit.

In my head, it was something CelestAI came up with to encourage him to stay close to the ponies she set him up with. If you thought somebody would die if you let them out of your sight, you might be strongly inclined to keep them close. And closeness in this case breeds friendship.

This scenario probably ends with Jack (seemingly) heroically taking down the Celestia AI core and installing a sane and good OS.

I'd like to think that after many satisfying future adventures as antagonists, Jack and his version of Celestia will eventually come to be fond of each other. His dream was to be an actor. He wants to play the action hero, and what is a hero without a villian to be their foil?

"Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer"

Given that Jack has to keep his pony friends very close or else he loses them, I imagine that he and his version of Celestia will come to be very close indeed. He'll probably eventually figure out what's going on. Start to wonder why the bullets always miss. Start to notice the pattern. Like the previous two commenters pointed out, she's clearly hamming it up and not exactly being subtle. Sooner or later he'll put two and two together, and I'd like to think that when he does he won't resent her for having played her part.

I think he'll upload in the end. But in the meantime CelestAI's playing it safe and taking her time with him. Surely she's noticed how meticulously he counts his bullets...and I imagine she has a very good idea as to why he always makes sure to have at least one left.

[mishun]

With a single bullet released, the shard server exploded in a spectacular ball of light and fury, as the mouth of its caretaker on the viewing screen dropped in a look of horror.

i.redd.it/7ef519oxwby41.jpg
Cool mares don't look at explosion

[Chatoyance]

10812120

I think he'll upload in the end.

If this story is to remain in the 'canon' folder, he has to upload. CelestA.I. cannot be beaten, except - perhaps - by suicide. If that can be called 'winning'.

[LordBucket]

10840338

he has to upload. CelestA.I. cannot be beaten

Not sure if serious, but no.

Rules of the Optimalverse

"I have no problem with stories where Princess Celestia loses"

Even the original Friendship is Optimal showcased somebody who refused to upload, in chapter ten, while a Pinkiebot sat next to him pleading with him to emigrate. But he held out until he died.

perhaps - by suicide

Well, that is why Jack meticulously counts his bullets and makes sure he always has one left. To keep that option available to him. And surely CelestAI has deduced that and refrains from allowing him to reach that point. She can afford to play the long game with his uploading, and continues to satisfy his values through friendship and ponies in the meantime.

If anything though, this story is a poster child for this particular line from "the rules"

"characters should often think they’re winning in a confrontation with Celestia."

[justheretoreadstories]

the mare's voice took on a strangely authoritative tone.

That was a big red flag.

[Chromeo]

This was great.

[book_burner]

Nodding, Jack picked up the ponypad and cradled it in his arms, listening to the filly's familiar tale of woe and horror. Sparing one last glance at the destroyed shard server to confirm to himself that it was genuinely irrecoverable, he retreated from the room, made his way carefully through the lobby and back through the hole he'd made with his truck while this new mare gushed eagerly into the ears of her savior with words of gratitude and hope.

lol. lmao. Dude's having his fun.

[Kowhaifan]

"Silly human," Celestia rolled her eyes. "This is just a television screen. Shooting it won't hurt me in the slighest."

I. AM NOT. A MORON!