• Member Since 20th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Emo Rainbow


☐Single ☐Taken 🗹Gamer 🗹🗹Mental health issues

T

This story is a sequel to Hail to the king, Hail to his Horde


I never thought I'd have to worry about that damn story again, I thought I could just leave it as a cringy little footnote in the story of my life. Now though? Well, not only am I forced to recall what the hell I was even attempting to write about all those years ago, I'm now in charge of the characters that I wrote myself. I haven't played Gears of War, or watched My Little Pony in years, and now I'm forced to command my sorry excuse for a horde through this new world? Maybe I'm just over reacting, because as long as I can BS my way through this life, maybe, just maybe, I can find a way back home. That is, if I don't get myself killed first.

(This story is much less a sequel to the original found up above and more of an offshoot that's loosely based on it that I want to work on in my free time. You can go back and read it, but I highly discourage that since A.) It was my first story ever, and B.) Prior knowledge of that story is not really needed to understand this one. If I won't even go back and read it, then I won't expect you to either. Knowledge of the Gears of war series needed is minimal to none.)

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 26 )

I’m assuming this is a reboot correct?

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In a sense, yes. I guess that's a perfect word to summarize this, though what I said in the description is still very much true.

Well glade the old story is getting some love I kinda liked it

I never read the original, but I like where this story is going. I was never too big on the Gears of War universe, but I doubt that you'll suddenly do something that needs me to google seventy five different things for just one chapter. The concept of having a writer sucked into their fanfic was something I tossed around in my head for a while, but I could never get it to work. You, on the other hand, seem to have a good idea of what you want and what the plan is.

I enjoy reading stories where some random guy with no idea what's going on is suddenly thrust into a position of power. It allows the riders to experience two sides of the same story, seeing it through the eyes of the deceived and the liars. Because of this, scenes like Fluttershy thinking about how imposing "Ben" put a smile on my face as I snickered at the slowly developing misunderstandings. I also enjoy thee parallel of Fluttershy and "Ben" putting up fronts to hide who they truly are. It allows for some interesting character development and character chemistry. I look forward to seeing where you take this story.

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Very kind of you to say! I certainly appreciate you taking the time to read and comment!

I know it's early in the story but when is the main character going to grow some BALLS

Yes. And if you could, could you add structures that spawn units? Like Brumoks, Reveras, and Corpsers? That would not only be sweet, but add support for the Locust war efforts.😎

Interesting, I like how you're slowly introducing elements of the GoW world to us.

This is actually quite nice, a lot of the interactions put a smile on my face. Can't wait to see more.

How about those extras I told you about in my last comment?:rainbowderp:

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While things like Brumaks, Reavers, and bloodmounts may not be possible, that doesn't mean that other forms of beasts could not be tamed for the same purpose. Just a thought.

This is a great story so far, Im exsited for the next chapter and to see where this goes.

Dude. I’m loving the story. Plus it’s a fun change of having queen Myrrah being replaced with a king for a change.

I hope everything's alright now with your family. I have to admit, I didn't see the twist coming in this chapter, and I think that there's some potential for these worlds to really become one. I also saw that little clue of Krogg about not remembering where he heard his "king's" speech, very subtle detail and a good bit of world building.

I think the locust are getting warming up.

Ooooh! Is this a piece of build up, or a choice for the readers to make?

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More so of buildup than reader choice. I feel that at this point there aren't that many readers to give me a definitive answer. People are more than welcome to give a suggestion though. I already have work ups of how both scenarios would play out next chapter.

ITs been 5 months? dang time sure fly

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Well now that I look at it, I think it was about 4. But, Oh well, it sure felt longer.

Could anyone truly judge me for just trusting my instincts and walking away? Now that I know where I am, what I’m up against, I just want to take it easy and think of a plan of action. I

No, because that is the right thing to do. You are not responsible for the lives of the ponies or the changeling troops. Now you are very, very much responsible for the troops under your command and for any civilians of your own race under your charge. Every death of those troops is a failure on your part.

Of course, he just charges in like a Brony two paragraphs later, to heck with his troops or their safety. Run in to save the most likely xenophobic, racist ponies.

Monk

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I know it's early in the story, but when is the main character going to grow some BALLS

I agree, it's not a promising start. So far, the character is not likable. He is weak, cares little for his own people, allows others to disrespect him in front of his men.

I'm going to pause this here and start reading the original, so I have a baseline to judge with. But so far, this is looking like one of those stories where the main character makes the dumbest choices continuously through the fic. Might be wrong, but this is my feeling at this point.

Monk

How come you didn't respond to the comments of rikithemonk and Obsidian blade?

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Authors really don't need the comments. As a matter of fact, I discourage Authors from reading these things to begin with. While there are some commenters that actually make good points, I've found that for the most part, they don't. And what most people scream that they want to see in the story, would actually harm the story in the long run. To be fair, there are occasions where the comments have actually saved a good story that took a bizarre plot turn, or the Author got unusually dark for no good reason. But again, while that does happen, it's rare.

Believe it or not, I mainly write these things to try and improve a struggling writer with suggestions, or so If I come across a story months later, I have a reminder what I thought of it.

"Monk, did you just tell everyone that your comments are full of shit?"
"Yes, Yes, I did. All comments should be taken with a grain of salt. "

The Monk
“There are many ways to create a monster, and the one the girl knows best is rather basic: you tell someone they're a monster over and over again, then wait to see how long it takes before they agree with you.” -Estee

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