- Member Since 8th Nov, 2011
- offline last seen Jul 17th, 2017
SoulHook
Everyday writer for your needs.
SoulHook
Joined 8th Nov, 2011 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- SoulHook · 1.9k words · 13 1 · 1.4k views
- TTV_KingPhoenixEmbers · 1.9k words · 116 16 · 3.1k views
- The Fool · 6.7k words · 122 6 · 2.7k views
- Johnny_Bell · 1.1k words · 68 5 · 1.4k views
- CalculusFilly · 3.3k words · 140 5 · 4.3k views
- CamoBadger · 3.5k words · 51 2 · 1.3k views
- Jura · 5.6k words · 141 10 · 6.5k views
- Darkswirl · 1.9k words · 261 18 · 5.7k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.404 seconds
Total duration
952 users online
477,851 hits today, 2,921,617 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
This was pretty good. I like. I'm curious to see how other clopfics will turn out, I'll have one of my own coming out soon
very good story, need many more of those
I loved the story, but I'm confused as to why Aloe & Lotus don't have character tags.
1223851 because there are none
1224183
I know, that's what I'm confused about. I sometimes feel like looking up stories with Aloe & Lotus in them, only to be reminded that they don't have character tags. I'm pretty sure that they still had character tags in March, though, which only confuses me more.
I remember this. I even remember the moment when " She almost bucked in reflex from the sweet pleasure rushing through in all its power." where I imagined Colgate being bucked across the room and cracking her skull when she hit the wall, then having to be taken to be hospital and I thought it was hilarious
. Just thought I would share that
1262960 hah! Now when you mention it, that is kinda hilarious
wow... this is... wow.
i'm impressed, very good one
This is my favorite fan fic above all !
Aloe and lotus + great story + amazing description.
You are a good writer.
Great work.
1301838 Why, thank you
1302842 oh my, thank you so much
Hi hi great story, only thing it had going against it was that I (as in some stories) thought the Spa sister came from Stalliongrad in the high north. And that snow would remind them of their fillyhood at the Volga.
Hi hi, but ofcours you are allowed to make the characters as you see fit.
Good job.
You're Swedish? Damn, you Swedes are awesome!
Have a 'stache
1400030 why, thank you
epic very nice keep up good work my brony friend
I thought I recognized that writing style. SoulHook you peverted genius! I didn't know you had an acount here. It may not've been your best work I've seen (Cadence's present takes that) but 'tis a fine fic all the same.
I take your brohoof and I send one right back!
This story is almost good, but I still ended up downvoting it. There's an issue with Lavender Unicorn Syndrome. Olive mare, blue mare, pink mare, and so on, I lose track of who is referring to whom. You should just use names more. This is a big one because it hinders basic readability.
On a more stylistic note, you also use many unnecessary qualifiers. I think the worst sentence is, "There were giggles and gentle teasing thanks to Berry's invigorated personality from the booze she just recently realized was kinda strong." The phrase just recently realized is redundant. The recently adds nothing. Kinda strong is spineless, too. Is it strong or not? You're the omniscient author. You don't need to qualify everything. Narrate boldly! It's worse than that, though. The word booze already implies that the strength of the alcohol is overpowering its flavor and the point at which the character realizes it's strong is not relevant. The fact that she realizes it is strong isn't even relevant; your characterization implies that she's a boozehound and doesn't care. The sentence should end with a period after the word booze.
Here's another example:
AndEven if theybothwanted to keep staring at the winter in its might, Lotus and Aloe soon woke up thanks to the doorbellfrom the closed door.The strikethroughs don't contribute to that sentence.
I don't want to give too many examples. It's not my story and my authorial voice is not yours. I just want to request a pass of editing for brevity. Thin the writing. Remove things that don't contribute meaning. While you're at it, hunt for grammar errors. There are a few hiding in the text. The downvote I gave this story doesn't have to stand. This is a good concept if only the prose were reworked.
Oh, and there's a Spa Ponies tag now. You should turn that Other into a Spa ponies tag.
2468042 Took some time for me to actually read this one for some reason. And once I did, I was happily surprised
It's been a long time since somepony pointed out my writing style or anything affiliated with it, and I must say I couldn't stop smiling while reading your comment. You just made me realize a lot of things (minding you're not the first one who's been hinting towards my errors in writing) and I now feel a little better when writing my next update.
Fyi, this fic was written soon after I started posting on the internet at all. I have developed a little bit both within spelling and grammatical things, but it is not until now I understand that I need to improve my descriptions too.
So in short, thank you for pointing this out so incredibly good and understandable. And thank you for taking your time writing all of this. I shall remember what you have done
this is one of the best fictions i have ever seen. and i would even pay to get a sequel with carot top and collgate