- Member Since 30th Apr, 2018
- offline last seen 13 minutes ago
FruitTrifle
Literally nothing on here is below mature, just to warn
FruitTrifle
Joined 30th Apr, 2018 ·
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- Kentavritsa · 97k words · 10 25 · 615 views
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A bit rushed for the first chapter, but still pretty good.
This was a pretty great chapter.
Alright, so thoughts:
The story’s idea is solid, always love a good mind control fic. Rainbow is sufficiently debacherous that it keeps it fun. Main issue, I fear, is lack of polish. Perhaps a few more exciting runs would elevate it to a more enjoyable level. Overall, good stuff that can be better with time.
Another great chapter
11076465
Thank you, i'm having great fun with this. Excellent excuse to yank out the kinks
Pretty solid finale.
And I already have a third part in mind if I could send it.
11424367
sure, id love to hear it
This isn’t just regular orgasm, this is advanced orgasm!
Well, this is at least more detail and care taken in the writing than the prequel. It’s still incredibly fast-paced, though. Still could benefit from slowing down and describing things in more detail, not to mention a bit of warmup and foreplay.
Still, it’s got the benefits of the prequel too. A simple clopfic that gets right down to business and immediately delivers on what it promised.