Spike and Rarity were an item.
...
"Were"
In the aftermath of his greatest mistake, Spike copes with what happens next.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 2nd Feb, 2012
- offline last seen Jan 7th, 2023
OneLonelyPickle
Sometimes I write stories.
OneLonelyPickle
Joined 2nd Feb, 2012 ·
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I'm sorry to say I wasn't a fan of this one. The tension was enticing at first, but Spike's constant cartwheeling between melodramatic self-loathing and gratuitous bargaining wore out its welcome rather quickly (granted, that may have been part of the point, but that didn't make it any less grating). The bizarrely hunky-dory epilogue didn't help matters either, I'm afraid.
A valiant effort, but it just didn't mesh with me.
10733766
Have to say I agree. For what it's worth, the writing itself is pretty tight aside from a few grammatical errors, but considering the length of the story (or lack thereof) the drama here feels incredibly forced despite beginning fairly naturally--it almost feels like an hour or two of mental anguish and fiery rage was squeezed into ten minutes of rapid-fire action and then it's over before it even began. I'm also incredibly confused by the epilogue, and the lack of proper closure after everything was said and done. What was the point of this story? To summarize, Spike cheats on Rarity with her sister, destroys the library, and then it fast-forwards to sometime in the future where Spike decides to write a book? Not really seeing the connection here. I think it could have benefited more from being even a little longer, but not the worst thing I've ever read. Keep trying!
10733766
10733971
Great comments, thank you.
Pacing seems to be one of my frequent problems with the non-clop one shots. I'm always trying to strike a fine balance between being brief and being wordy. Somewhere in the middle lies what I am trying to achieve. I'm glad to hear, though, that it's too short as opposed to it being too long. Nevertheless, it fell short of what I'd like readers to feel (at the very least, mild sadness - not confusion).
I'll have to tighten up in the future and increase the length. In retrospect, it's hard to jampack so much emotion into 5,000 words and make it feel realistic, at least for a topic as nuanced as infidelity (at least when one party genuinely regrets their actions). I don't rewrite my stories, so I'll just keep these lessons in mind the next time I decide to write a sad tragedy.
Cheers!
I enjoyed it, the emotional swing spike went through seemed to fit as he tried to salvage the relationship with rarity. I'm gonna assume he "did" it with sweetie belle and that is why rarity was fuming.
10734903
Yes. I didn't want to go into detail about what they did as it's not important. You can leave it to your imagination knowing how Spike can be in his adult dragon state :P
Great story, I thought I was the only one who made a Spike cheating-fic. Rarity has every right to be mad btw, If Spike did what I think he did with Sweetie Belle then I see why she’s so upset.
I liked the story, however my only nitpick is the fact that we don't know what happened between Rarity and Sweetie Belle.At first, I wanted to believe that Sweetie didn't know Rarity and Spike were in a relationship, but considering her friends knew, I doubt it.So would Sweetie be this cruel in order to do this to Rarity?Did SPike ever talked with Sweetie?
It's just my opinion, but I think this story would've been nicer if there was also an epilogue explaining what happened between all of them