Just falling through this tempest called life
A changeling emerges from the Evergreen Forest and collapses unconscious in the square of Ponyville. A note is found that says they're seeking asylum, but is this for real, or is it a trick?
I thought this up the other day. It's a standalone story that I don't plan on writing a lot for, but may make a sequel that explores the main character.
EDIT 1/30/2021 4:15PM EST - I've added the final chapter and changed the rating to teen on account of mentioning blood and sex.
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Interesting and nice reference with the video. Eager to see where this is going
I think the guards may be overreacting a bit.
i'mvery much enjoying this story so far. it's a great concept. i am surprised that Twilight isn't an Alicorn in this tho. i suppose she hasn't ascended yet
10653845
There isn't really a timeframe established, but it's definitely not too long after the wedding, so the security would definitely be more elevated than normal.
You probably meant something like restated or reiterated as recanted means he's withdrawing his previous statement rather than repeating it.
10654038
Still though.
nice job! Though, something I noticed
Don't you mean mainly?
10654273
No, I meant many. I could've written it as many wars, but I thought that was a better fit.
10654344
okay
10654046
Thank you for pointing that out. I went back and corrected it.
I am a bit disappointed that this story is over
There are several things that don't make sense here.
They go through all the trouble to put out a news story faking the changelings death and then have him live undisguised in ponyville like that won't put his health in jeopardy since chrysalis is going to want to kill him for treason??
They say they plan to feed him with a potion instead of their normal feeding method which seems too easy as if they could easily replace it with a potion they would have already but the biggest problem with that is they don't have a potion yet and have already decided to just let him starve until they figure it out even though their own research has already shown their normal feeding method isn't harmful.
They are unhappy with the idea of there being a brothel in equestria not so much that people are being fed on but that its a brothel...and yet celestia is somehow unaware that there is and has been a brothel in operation there somehow for who knows how many years. It's presumed their clients don't know they are changelings so it's understandable they wouldn't realize it was a changeling hive but to miss its existence entirely?
The guards, they capture a changeling and yet the princess isn't contacted even though it's later shown that they could have sent her a message at any time. Generally a fic would handle this by celestia being told and then celestia doing her normal have twilight deal with it bit. They trust twilight on bringing in applejack but attempt to arrest her after she sends a message to spike and they actually wait to arrest her until the princess is there to watch them do it.
10654367
I didn't plan on this story being any longer than the two chapters. I did say that I may write a story that picks up where this left off, but I want to finish work on my other stories before thinking about starting anything new.
10654416
I'll admit there's plot holes (some of which I could better explain in a sequel story), but I'll address two points:
Celestia not knowing about the changeling hive and it operating a brothel - brothels don't typically advertise their services, at least not in normal sense. The changelings also explain what they do with their clients, so the ponies visiting them are aware they're changelings, so there's no deception in that regard.
Twilight being arrested for sending the letter for Spike to send to Celestia, but was allowed to bring Applejack in - She asked the commander if she could bring Applejack in, but she did not ask for their approval to have Spike send Celestia the letter.
Which just makes more plot holes as if there were already well known changelings everyone wouldn't totally freak at the sight of one and someone would have likely already reported them because without using mind manipulation magic they aren't going to be able to convince all of their clients that they aren't like the ones at the wedding.
Likewise if they are aware that they are changelings that would mean they would be able to transform to the customers wishes which would become fairly widespread knowledge rather quickly by word of mouth just from the demand for that sort of thing.
10654514
As previously stated, brothels don't advertise their services, and since Celestia's reaction would imply that they're illegal or at the very least frowned upon, patrons wouldn't openly discuss it.
Well it’s obvious that that guard was never the one in control here.
She shouldn’t really have asked for his opinion on this situation because he obviously isn’t impartial and therefore any opinion he gives is more than likely to be biased.
10655005
she still wants input, if at least to make her subordinates feel like they're being heard, even if their actual wishes aren't being followed through with.
10654046
"Recounted", I assume.
[edit]
origami: small hint for you: if you respond to a comment, do not do it from the story's main index page. First click the chapter title in the comment header, so you open the comment in the chapter where it's posted, then reply from there. The issue is that comments posted on the main page are added to the last-posted chapter, and replies posted in a different chapter than the one you are replying to will never notify the user that their post is replied to. It's a silly bug in Fimfiction.
So if you want people to know you responded to their comment, make sure to post that reply in the same chapter.
10655869
Yeah, that is the word I was looking for.
10655286
Doesn’t make me wrong.
10655929
Well, once Celestia decided to come to Ponyville, they effectively relenquished their authority to her, even if not explicitly stated in the story.
10655972
Well it’s not like they’d have much of a choice.
10656139
True
10655005
Part of being a trusted leader if listening to you subordinate's opinions and also considering thier biases when making choices. Celestia wants to encourage free thinking as opposed to blind obedience. Also there is always the chance that they might bring something up that turns out to be important even if it doesn't change the decision made.
Just because you disagree in the end doesn't mean the other side doesn't have valid points to make that you should listen to.
A lie is when you, key word intentionally, say something that isn't truthful, so how they can't be lying when they themselves believe it? Unless she means someone can still say something false, when they believe it to be true, but are simply wrong, though that doesn't seem to be the case.
I can only make a guess at what you meant here.
I guess that should be "here".