Inspired by stories written by the Owtcast and Carapace.
Thorax wasn't a normal changeling. He wanted friends to share love with, not victims to feed off of. He leaves the hive behind and finds himself in the Frozen North at the Crystal Empire. Follow him on his journey to his ultimate goal of being the first changeling to make friends with ponies.
The story takes place during and after the episode The Times They Are A Changeling, but it doesn't transpire the same way.
I have several chapters completed, but will only release each one after I've edited them and feel they are ready to be released. I'm also rating this teen for the time being, but I may change it to mature because of some ideas I have for later chapters.
FEATURED FOR THE FIRST TIME 10/2/2022!
FEATURED 10/7/2022
FEATURED 10/8/2022
FEATURED 10/9/2022
FEATURED 10/21/22
FEATURED 10/23/22
Great job! I love the way you're going with this!
Though I do have one small edit to make; you should always start a new paragraph when a new character starts speaking (it causes less confusion over who's talking). For example, this:
Could be rewritten to this:
Of course, you don't have to take this advice if you don't want to, merely a suggestion. I think you did a great job with the first chapter, I can't wait to see what else you do with this idea
Aww, I wasn't expecting to inspire a story!
Interesting start. Will be tracking
10620854
Yeah, that's a bad habit I've had for a long time. It's that whole "Paragraphs should be four sentences" crap pounded into my head since first grade I haven't unlearned yet. I may go back and reformat this.
10620875
Yeah, I get it, I used to do the same thing in my earlier works, until I took a Creative Writing class. Still, you did a great job with the first chapter
10620885
Thank you for the compliment
10620890
No problem!
Great job with the second chapter! I like Heartfelt's inclusion, I wonder if he'll change his mind about not taking any of the blame though
10630202
only time will tell
10630250
Okay then, still, very good chapter
10630255
Thanks
10630311
No problem!
Well, sounds like he's already disproved this theory, he just hasn't realized it yet.
Typical Thorax, always thinking of others before himself.
But don't actually do that, because staring at the sun is bad for your eyes.
10631036
His theory was somewhat correct. Ponies can feel emotional energy around them but usually don't pay attention to it(like you stop feeling your glasses sitting on your face), but they don't draw it in. Thorax does draw it in, but he also emits some as well, hence the whirlpool effect Heartfelt sees.
Ooh, great job on this chapter! Go ahead and take all the time you need for the next one, I understand
10633181
Thank you very much
10633192
No problem!
Nice chapter but please start a new paragraph when a new/different character speaks. It's hard to keep track of who says what if you squeeze the dialogue of several characters into the same paragraph.
Unrelated to that, may I ask why you put a comma in front of every opening quotation mark? You're the first person I've seen do it.
10633279
Most of that stuff is bad habits from grade school writing class. I struggle with unlearning all that stuff.
Ooh, great job with this chapter!
10712724
Thank you
10712822
No problem
I like this chapter keep it up!
10713160
Thank you
Ooh, I can't wait to see what you'll come up with for the rewrites! The latest chapter is really good, and I'm sorry to hear about your family member, I hope they get better soon
10720493
I appreciate your concern. They had surgery for it and are back home recovering.
10720494
That's good!
You know, you'd think there'd be protections and the such around the palace to prevent creatures from doing things like this, especially when it's on high alert like it is at the moment.
Oh yeah, let's not forget that timeline she created where all of Equestrian civilization had been erased, for starters...
10721581
Starlight's past sins will be discussed
Talk about an intense chapter, figured Shinning would be the biggest thorn when Thorax revealed himself cause of those speciest comments in the canon episode!
Gee I don't know just.....STOPPING YOU FOR KILLING THE FUTURE CHANGELING KING JACKASS!!!!
*looks inside my duffle bag* where's my tranq gun?
Thank. You. Cadence!!
And Shining...you're an idiot
Bull. Shit.
I'm interested to see how long it'll take Shining to come to his senses and what will take to help him get there. For Thorax's sake, I hope it'll be sooner than in my version and with less grief for the buggo along the way
10732154
Speaking of your story, nice work laying that first brick of the bridge
10732154
Well, it can't be any worse than my personal take on the whole idea from a few years back...as many are quick to remind me.
Seriously, though, to the author, I'm always game for another take on "The Times are a Changeling" and thus far this one has continued to be of interest. I'm glad it's upped the stakes a little and shown a more realistic, "it's not as easy as just singing a song and everybody's convinced," take to the story.
10733052
It's not worse than that but, as of the last published chapter, it's not very far off, either
Just out of curiosity, have you read any of my stories?
10733103
I have not, but I've been meaning to. Unfortunately, by the time I became aware of them, you were already a fic or two into them, meaning I had a fair bit of catch up to do if I were to start reading...and sadly these days, I have a hard enough time staying caught up on the fics I'm already following, so...it'll have to wait until I can have a better chance to do that catching up.
10733497
Okay, take your time
Shining, meet The Couch. You are going to become quite familiar with it in the upcoming days...
Ooh, great chapter! And Lulu's not wrong, I typically stay up until around the "Witching Hour" so it makes sense she realizes most ponies would stay up that late as well
Oh yeah, glad Twilight stopped the Thorax's abuse dead cold right there by Shining's schemes (unlike another story that has that quadruple in abuse against him each time), looking forward to what happens next chapter & maybe Twilight calling out her big brother on the crap he tried to pull here!
10751184
I'm interested. What is this other story?
10751675
That would be The Odd One, in which Shinning's have hurt Thorax many times over (both directly & indirectly)
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/476208/the-odd-one
I pretty much stopped reading it after the abuse against Thorax kept going worse & worse while no repercussions against Shinning were in sight. I know it pays off later in S6 finale but by then I just didn't care in that story.
10751690
Ahh, yes. That one actually gave me inspiration to write this story. I eagerly await the next chapter. I suggest picking it up again. Not to spoil but I believe a corner is being turned.
Oh, you wouldn't want me answering that, Spike--already looked down that road myself, and...let's just say even this is preferred over that, probably.
Bit of a hair trigger there, Custos. Even Shining only told you to act if he "even remotely looks like he's going to try something," not when he...you know...makes any motion at all. What, were you planning to run him through if he tried to breathe next?
I mean, there's being cautious, and then there's just being...gosh, calling it "looking for an excuse" doesn't even seem to quite describe it.
Twilight's so mad, she's not even grammaring right!
Point taken--not even Starlight made direct attacks on any of Twilight's friends, not even made a move on Spike during that whole time travel fiasco. Any threats she made were directed at really only Twilight herself, and those were really mostly verbal than physical.
That is worrying, though, seeing Shining will no doubt take that totally the wrong way and use it to shore up his side of the "argument," at least.
Barring that, though, if no other incidents of note take place while Custos is standing guard, then Custos might just had to report in the truth and that nothing amiss appeared to take place, continuing to leave Shining without the justifications he wants. Heck, they could use this chance to try and convince Custos of Thorax's benevolence too even...but I suspect you've got something else in mind.
10751952
...maybe
10751952
I think “murderous intent” is the closest thing you’re going to get.
10752931
Thing is, I do kinda want to give Custos some benefit of the doubt, seeing he's really more just following orders (albeit following them a bit liberally in definition). I'd sooner trust him to make the smart decision than Shining at the moment, in any case.
Ooh! Best princess meets Thorax, that'll be interesting! Keep up the good work!
So you've beaten me to Thorax's encounter with Luna even though that chapter of my own story has been completed for a while and only waiting its turn to get published... soon...ish ... nice work I'm interested to see how it goes (hopefully it'll help things go smoothly for the hearing with Celestia)
10755402
Thank you. Sad to see Shining is still punch happy with Thorax.