A Cunning Peasant

That One Unruly Subject

By Penguifyer

“The farm is making a ruckus again.”

Daybreaker reclined on her throne and sighed. Although she ruled with an iron hoof, not everypony gave in so easily. Although she knew how to squelch rebellions and remove subversives like the back of her hoof, this one farm kept causing trouble. “Send in the guards.”

The captain’s eyes darted around the room. “Well… um… we did.”

Daybreaker sat up. “You did?”

He scratched his head. “Yeah… uh, we did this morning.”

“Then why is there still a problem?”

“You see…” He tapped his hoof on the ground. “They came back an hour later and said they did the right thing for Equestria.”

Daybreaker looked down on him. “Well, what did they do?”

He lengthened his words. “Apparently nothing.”

“Have them punished at once,” Daybreaker sighed.

The captain bowed. “Already done.”

She reclined back into her throne. “Send in the cohort while you’re at it.”

“Already did that too.”

She smiled. The captain proved his worth once again. “Tell me how their excursion went when they’re done.”

He paused and raised his head. “About that.”

Daybreaker rolled her eyes. “Don’t tell me…”

“They came back and said they did the best thing for you. We checked again and they did nothing too.”

“Why is it so hard to raze a farm to the ground?”

He bowed again. “With all due respect, your highness, I wouldn’t come to you if it wasn’t.”

“Fine.” She slid off of the throne and stepped down the steps, holding her head high above the guard. “Let me show you how to rule a kingdom properly.”

He jumped up and stepped back “You’re coming yourself?”

“Yes and I’m taking a shortcut.”

Her horn glowed, lighting up the room. With a flash, the scenery changed from castle halls to a cozy apple orchard near the edge of Ponyville. The sign to the side made no mistake. It was this farm.

“Captain?”

He perked up and walked beside her. “Yes?”

“This is how you strike fear into your subjects.” She took in a deep breath before shouting in the royal voice. “Inhabitants of the land, show yourselves!”

A few seconds of silence along with the chirp of a cricket followed.

“Does Anypony live here?” she asked the captain.

He poked his head from behind her. “The Apple family, I’m sure of it.”

She returned to her royal voice. “Show yourselves, lest your puny orchard be razed to oblivion!”

An old raspy voice emanated out of the house. “Now that wouldn’t be a good idea, would it?”

“Who dares speak up against the almighty Daybreaker!” Her eyes twitched. Nopony talked over her.

“How dare I? How dare I!? Do you know how many generations of Apples have tilled these grounds?”

Daybreaker’s horn illuminated with rage. “Show yourself before I blow you to bits!”

“And you think blowing me to bits is gonna solve all of your problems?” An old green earth pony hobbled out of the house and sat on the porch.

Daybreaker stomped forward with fury in each step. “Give me one reason to not vaporize you on the spot!”

The granny smirked. “Well, maybe you wouldn’t want to cause a revolution, would ya?”

Daybreaker froze, nearing the porch. The word sent shivers down her spine. She even banned its use among her closest advisors and staff. “Revolution? How could obliterating one pony cause a revolution?” Realistically, there was no way. But what if she was right?

The granny turned her head and scoffed. “You could find out if you’re willing to risk it.”

Daybreaker stepped up onto the porch and towered over the granny. Yet, the granny maintained her relaxed confidence in front of Daybreaker. “Why should I believe a mere peasant living on a farm? I have centuries of experience ruling this land.”

“And do those centuries of experience tell you to ignore the revolts and riots popping up all over Equestria?”

The granny was right. Riots were popping up all over Equestria and increasing in frequency over the past fifty years. A riot every so often was an easy thing to smite for Daybreaker. But they became more unruly in recent years. “And what would you know about quelching rebellions?”

“Absolutely nothing,” the granny chuckled. “But I do know a thing or two in keeping ponies quiet if you know what I mean.”

Daybreaker doubted her, but a faint curiosity drove her to listen. “Try me.”

The granny smiled. “You’re great at holding onto power, but there are an awful lot of disgruntled and angry ponies out there.” She picked up an apple sitting beside her. “Our farm offers a simple business to the ponies around us. Provide them with quality apples and delicious apple treats and give all of the angry ponies in Equestria a little break from their toil. Ya follow?”

Daybreaker struggled to see where this was going. “Go on.”

“Well, if one of those few pleasures happen to, you know, disappear from their local shops, how do you think those ponies would react?”

Daybreaker tilted her head. “You’re telling me ponies care that much about apples from one farm?”

The granny winked at her. “You’re a busy mare, aren’t you?”

“Busy?” Daybreaker flared. “Do you know how much time I spend negotiating treaties, correcting propaganda, and making sure the country doesn’t go up in flames?”

The granny reclined in her chair. “And you know a thing or two about stress, right?”

“A thing or two?! Last night I had to interrogate my own castle staff and remove a rebel spy who somehow infiltrated my ranks. It’s hard enough trying to sleep knowing half of the country wants you gone, let alone knowing one of them is in your castle.”

The granny licked her lips and laid her head on her forehooves. “I don’t know about you but after a hard day of working on the farm, there’s nothing better than a warm slice of apple pie or an apple fritter with a scoop of ice cream. But I’m sure as royalty, you can get more fancy food than a mere farmer.”

“Well…” Daybreaker paused, looking down at the ground for a second. “I did hire the best dessert baker in Equestria.”

“Exactly,” the granny laughed. “But most ponies can’t go to the greatest baker in Equestria. Nor can they pay for whatever fancy bakers are around. Instead, they go to us.”

“What are you implying?”

The granny smirked. “It’s simple, let Sweet Apple Acres keep providing ponies with delicious apples and treats and they won’t want to rebel as much.”

Daybreaker stared the granny in the eye and lifted her head. This wasn’t the first time an advisor of hers suggested she lessen the oppression. However, previous attempts to do so opened up weaknesses in her administration, allowing ponies who were still angry to infiltrate her bureaucracy. “I see your point.” She walked beside the granny and into the house, the granny walking in behind her too. “But that doesn’t change the fact that you asserted yourself above me. Most ponies pay for that with their life. Tell me, what is stopping me from wiping you out and putting somepony else on this farm?”

“Us apples have toiled these grounds for generations. We know every tree, nook, and cranny of these fields. Somepony else could only produce half of the apples, I reckon.”

Daybreaker eyed a photo of the granny and her three grandkids. “You have family. What about removing and leaving the farm to them? I assume you’ve trained them well.”

“I might be old and they might run the farm for me now, but there are little tricks here and there I haven’t shown them.”

Daybreaker smirked. “You’re gonna need more than some little tricks to convince me.”

“I figured.” The granny leaned back and sighed. “I’ve trained them all good, perhaps a little too good.” She pointed to a picture of her grandkids. “They’re all strong, honest, and have a good sense of right and wrong. I’m proud of them for sure but they don’t always know when to keep their mouths shut. They’re not the kind to forget about their grandma ‘disappearing,’ if you know what I mean.”

She gained an edge. “How much could a couple of ponies and a farm do against my great throne? My bureaucracy is quite skilled at uncovering subversive businesses.”

“Sweet Apple Acres is not the kind of farm to slip messages behind your back or fund such a troublesome effort,” the granny scoffed before sitting down in a chair and smiling. “We have a lot of friends though, friends that are a bit more subversive than us. With all of your troubles at the moment, I don’t think you’d like five or more popping out of nowhere.”

Daybreaker’s smirk faded, although this wasn’t a total loss. “I’m interested in who these friends are, if you’re so nice”

The granny laughed and tapped her head. “Come on, my body might be falling apart but my noggin is still sharp. You can’t pull that one on me.”

Daybreaker frowned. “Fair enough, although I’m not fully convinced I should leave you be.”

“You don’t have to be,” the granny smiled. “If you’re willing to risk it.”

Daybreaker paused, understanding what the granny meant now. “Risk it...”

“Oh yes, risk it. I already presented the stakes. It’s certainly a risk.”

Daybreaker paced around the room. She knew how to hold on to power. She knew how to hold her government together in the face of rebellion. But what if the granny was right? Although it seemed improbable that destroying one farm could incite a massive rebellion, removing one pony did not warrant risking the whole country. And she hadn’t ruled Equestria for centuries by gambling. “Fair enough, you get to keep your life and your farm.”

The granny nodded. “That’s all I ask for, although I would like to offer some advice.”

Daybreaker glared at the granny. “Don’t make me change my mind.”

“It’s only three words, my queen.”

“Spit it out, then.”

The granny leaned in and grinned. “Bread and circuses.”

Daybreaker tilted her head and brought a hoof to her chin. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, it’s nothing. I just think it’d be easier for you if you walked outside to a crowd of cheering ponies every morning rather than an angry mob. Just a thought.”

Daybreak stood up straight. “Then our conversation is done here.” She turned and walked out of the door as the granny relaxed with a victorious grin.

The captain sat outside fiddling with his spear before jolting himself to attention at the sight of Daybreaker. “So, how did it…”

“Not a word,” she interrupted, lighting up her horn and teleporting the two of them back to Canterlot.

She climbed up the steps to her throne and reclined, motioning with her hoof for a glass of water. After taking a sip, she stared off into the distance as the next guardspony came kneeled beneath her throne and updated her on the state of the nation.

She half-listened to him as the granny’s words echoed in her ears. Maybe it was time to rethink how she ruled.

— — —

Applejack wrapped her hooves around Applebloom as Big Mac looked through a crack in their hiding hole. Off in the distance stood their house where Granny Smith sat conversing with Daybreaker.

“I can’t take it anymore,” Applebloom cried.

Applejack squeezed her tight. “Don’t worry little siss. Granny Smith told us to trust her and trust her we will.”

“But I swear I saw Daybreaker herself.”

“Shhh…” Applejack patted Applebloom’s head. “No matter what happens, we’ll be here for you.” Applejack glanced at Big Mac before looking to the ground. “Has it happened…”

“Nope,” he cut her off.

Applejack perked up. “No? Are they still there?”

Big Mac held a hoof up to her and waited for a second. After a quick sigh of relief, he uttered another “nope.”

“What?!” Applejack let go of Applebloom and peered through the crack. The house still stood with no Daybreaker or guards in sight. Moreover, she could see Granny Smith on her rocking chair on the front porch. “I’ll be damned. She actually did it.”

Applebloom stood up. “Did what?”

“Come here, sis.” Applejack hugged Big Mac with one hoof as Applebloom snuggled in from under them. “It looks like we still have a farm.”

Big Mac smiled. “Eeyup.”

Applebloom stood on her tippy hooves and stared out of the crack. “B-but, how did she do it?”

“I have no idea,” Applejack laughed. “But hey, she told us to trust her.”

Author's Note:

Within minutes of receiving my prompt for jinglemas, this idea came to mind. Something about an old hag besting an egotistical dictator in a battle of wits felt natural. I only hope I delivered on the comedy front enough.

Merry Christmas, HttpLotorius.

1,647 views