• Member Since 6th May, 2020
  • offline last seen July 5th

GroganDrago123


A sucker for romance and grimdarks yet suck at writing. I try to do my best : )

T

There was more to Rain Shine than anyone can believe. Not even her closest knew of what she’s done in the past. The Curse of Silence she forced upon her people was only one of the bad choices she’s made in her life. But she’s too terrified of herself to reveal what she’s done and let go of the past. She’s even too scared to go Nirik. But why? What has she done to have all of this weight on her shoulders? No one may know... That is, until a certain blue ram comes into her life.
What will happen when the Demon of Tambelon is forced to stay with the Kirin Tribe? Will the Queen of Silence be able to see through the beast and find his broken heart? Or is she meant to fall deeper into the Lake of Misery along with the Father of Monsters?

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Contains: Canon Divergence, Slow Burn, Elements of ASPD, Mentions of Blood, Gore, and Trauma

Cover Art made by Rockformed
Links:
https://www.deviantart.com/rockformed
https://rockformed.tumblr.com/

Edit (5/21/20): Making some fixes and trying to get down the full story.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 15 )

Dang. Not a pairing I've ever seen before or even considered. Might even be the first of its kind.

Consider me intrigued. :rainbowhuh:

I'm definitely intrigued, I know there are more chapters after this but I wanted to point out that there are definitely a lot of grammatical errors. Mostly in tense (past and present tense get switched up a lot) and every instance where "there" needs to be used, it reads "their" instead. It's like, not horrible horrible obviously, I've read far far worse looking fics. But it's just enough to feel a little jarring while reading. If you can find an editor your story would flow extremely well.

That being said, that's really all I see wrong with the fic so far. Aside from the technicals you have a really great idea and I love the set up for it. The backstory for the Niriks/Kirens makes loads of sense. So it's a great story! Just needs some grammatical tidying up. :twilightsmile:

10225383
Thanks for the critique : ) I’ll be sure to have those fixed as soon as I can.
An thank you ^^ I’m glad you like the story so far :D

Okay, saw this fic a short while ago, intrigued by the pairing alone. I had to read. First thoughts, well, the backstory is a bit on the wordy side. Plus, as 1Blue mentioned, the grammar is... distracting to say the least. Still, I'll try to be fair here and see how this goes.

Okay, interesting beginning, starting from the perspective of other characters rather than Rain Shine. Even if Amy and Fern Flare are sorta generic as characters go. You don't hate them, but you can't love them either.

Okay, the main complaint so far is... well, Rain Shine seems to be just barely there in the story. Like, this is more Fern's story at times compared to Rain's own. Rain seems less like a character at times, and more a device to move the plot forwards. This might be due to the short chapter lengths. Might want to work on that.

10225541
Yeah I’d like for them to have established characters. Yet I don’t want the focus to be away from the main ones who already have established characteristics and onto the sides ones who are just there to keep the plot moving. You get what I’m saying?

Well, Grogar's appropriately disturbing. He's easily the most well-rounded character of the lot, and in only 2,000 words manages to be more interesting than the rest of the cast. Has a hell of a lot more charisma than anyone else.

10225542
I’ll keep that I’m mind. The next coming chapters will be more focused on her and Grogar I can assure you.

10225548
My main concern is how fast you're pumping these chapters out. Like, slow down and maybe make them a bit longer you know?

10225545
I appreciate that : ) I’ll make sure Rain is more interesting in the next chapters

Comment posted by GroganDrago123 deleted May 9th, 2020

10225550
That would be a good idea haha. I’ll be sure to take it easy for now on

10225553
Yeah, might be best. You don't have to get everything done in a week, or even a month actually. To borrow a quote that I think applies...
brainyquote.com/photos_tr/en/s/shigerumiyamoto/443939/shigerumiyamoto1-2x.jpg

I smelled another ship. Hehehe

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