- Member Since 9th Jul, 2014
- offline last seen Yesterday
Prince Polaris
[COMMISSIONS OPEN] I've written stuff with ponies, I've written stuff with Pokémon, I've written stuff with SCP-1471, and you can find my big dumb self at Prince_Polaris on nearly everything! 💙
Sequels2
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Prince Polaris · 40k words · 51 15 · 1k views
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Prince Polaris · 14k words · 37 11 · 736 views
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oh, this was a fun read, looking forward to see what will happen next for them.
Can't wait for more.
So are you saying that this Tinker character is a Longma(the Chinese Dragon-Horse)?
I like it so far, but remember to keep dialogue limited to one speaker per paragraph. It gets a little confusing otherwise.
oh god... Imagine cumming until you die of thirst?
horrifying thought...
The sentence structure, or rather lack thereof, is just...
Two people talking in the same line and paragraph with little separation about who is who is incredibly distracting.
Congrats on #3 featured! :D
10387257
Thank ya for being the one to read it before it blew up :0
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Thank ye :3
10388649
Well, sort of? He half dragon and half pony
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10388971
I'll have to try revising it a little to work on that... would it make more sense to have each line of dialogue be its own paragraph? I thought of doing it, but then I'd have a ton of little he said she said sentences >_<
Also... uuuhhh.... I explain this with maaaaaggiiiiccccc
10389253
Fug, yea, I gotta fix this
10389444
yeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
10389972
I don't know who did your editing, but you need to fire them haha
10390145
Well, that would be... myself ;~;
10390148
Self employed but you need to fire yourself LOL
10390150
Well I'm gonna give myself one hell of a severance package then
10389972
Then basically he's a Longma - kind of like Tianhuo from the game Them's Fightin' Herds.
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/themsfightinherds/images/8/8f/Tianhuo_ID.png/revision/latest?cb=20151216193532
10390188
I gotta be honest I thought this was gonna be some sort of setup for a Longma my balls joke but no it's an actual creature :0
And Tinker has fur, like, his parents are literally one pony and one draggon and there he is
10390215
Yep, it's an Actual Creature from Chinese Mythology,
In fact, sometime after MLP:FiM debuted Discord, Lauren Faust revealed that she based him off of the Greek Chimera, but wanted him to be more like he was for the most part a Dragon with a Pony Head, hence the name "Draconeqqus", then later on someone told her that the Chinese had an Actual Dragon-Horse in their mythology known as a "Longma", then Lauren was like "OH MAN, This is what Discord Should have been!",
Seems like she remembered That well when she generously decided to help the crew responsible for the C+D ordered fan-game "Fighting is Magic" create a New Game with an Original Story & Original Cast of Characters written & designed by Lauren herself, because one of the Playable Fighters is a Dragon-Horse with a lot of Chinese inspired culture & heritage,
Guess it pays to do your research when incorporating Mythology into your work.
10389972
While having a ton of short 'he said/she said' sentences isn't the greatest, it becomes too hard to discern who said what when multiple speakers speak in one paragraph.
Consider the following:
Which child wanted what? We don't know. In fact, there isn't even enough information given to us to guess which child wanted what.
Hell, we don't even know if the kids were the ones saying "Pizza!" and "Kraft Dinner." Jack could have just been stating options.
Consider the next example:
Better, as we now know the children are likely the ones stating the last two lines of dialogue. Once again though, who wants what?
Now consider the next, final example:
Much better. Although each mini-paragraph there have their own problems, it is a large amount clearer who said what; and we even fit in more information about Jack's children! We now know Tim is the oldest son.
It also helps bulk up your story a lot more, just by adding those small details.
Note: I am by no means a good author, these are just a few things I've picked up along the way. If there's something I missed or did wrong here, please point it out and/or build on it
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That's pretty cool :3
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Yea, I agree with you on your third example, it is way better! Though, your first two examples are confusing mainly because there's three people talking ;)
I guess my line of thinking was something like One day, Tim opened the door to his brother's room, just so that he could say "Yo, I ate the last of the pizza..." "Bruh".
But, eh, semantics aside, I do like the idea of fancying up dialogue while also adding more details, heh
Oh, I liked this one.
Great job, I cant wait to see more from you.
Perhaps more with Tinker?
The Monk
"I-I'm sorry, did you just say 'blowjob'?" Jesse had to think seriously hard about this.” -An Intricate Disguise
Wow this really needs a proofreader. There is basically no sentence structure or paragraphs of any kind here... If you’re like me and poor formatting makes fics unappealing to read, then steer clear of this one until some serious TLC is given.
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I'm working on more :3
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Yeah, I do need one ;~;
Where the hell do you even go to find someone who's good at proofreading?
Oh and I gotta fix the damn dialogue jsrkaghnldkxjzhmsdfklvjhnbkxsdnvdjm
10395059
There is a group for it on here I’m pretty sure, otherwise just put a authors note header on your chapters or a small addition to the description of your fic that you’re looking for a proofreader. There are loads of good folks who can help or steer you in the right direction. If you want some formatting tips, send me a private message and I’ll give some easy to follow structure for ya.
And in his head he is thinking "OH SHIT oh shit" (I don't how to shrink the typing on mobile sry)
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That's a good idea!
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Yus :3
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Hey, I just proofread this chapter, and I split up the dialogue! Woo! I'm about to fix the other chapter, did I do good with this one? uwu
Lemme know if I missed any paragraphs in chapters 1 and 2 that still involve both tonk and tia talking, I'm at least pretty sure chapter 3 doesn't have any!
Have I gone too far yet?????????????????????
Is this just going to be porn, or are we actually going to find out more about dragonponies?
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Well, my intent was porn! What do you mean by the finding out more about dragonponies thing?
Like, Celestia goes on a trip to Inferno Cavern in the UnderWorld? Ya know, the city populated almost entirely by all sorts of Dragonponies? OwO
10423959
I'll check it out in like 24ish hours lol, just laid down to sleep because I gotta get up super early and decided to check notifs before doing so.
Marvelous!
10423959
Just finished rereading it, it looks really good!
10426463
Thank you!! I'm taking the dialogue-by-paragraph thing to heart, heh
I have four chapters in the works lol
I'd proofread this for you, but as a rule I don't proofread Porn or Horror.
You can gety a FREE proofreader here.
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/27/the-proofreader-group
Members list
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/27/the-proofreader-group/members
Comments on your proofreader here.
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdmXDJpA0zKp-_tPSXJppfdtpOqSUKcBfWpedT7C1KSSwEgOw/viewform
10497267
Well, this is most certainly porn :(
Typo, winking at polaris?
10501269
HECK
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i fix
10501924
Just hulp fren, i wasn't tryin to be nit picky or mean
10501954
No, it's okay, I just hate it when I mix up names ;~;
I'd much rather someone tell me then just leave it like that though
10395059
You can find editors in the the Looking For Editors group and a proofreader in The Proofreader Group
Oh gawd that was hot, especially with that cum bloating.... hopefully she (wasn't) on birth control.~
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I'm about to write the last chapter, you'll see what happens, heh
August 9th 2021: This did not age well ^
but yeah I'll finish it someday uwu
Can't wait
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somedaaaayyy
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someday turned into someyear it seems
11471445
It took me two years to finish Hello? but I still banged that fucker out <:
Also, look at it this way, the longer it takes the better my talents are gonna be whenever it comes back!
Just need ideas for what Luna does...
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Actually, I had three chapters planned-
The next one was Luna, obviously.
Then, Tomka gets kidnapped and wakes up in the crystal empire, because why not.
And then, the last one would be Celestia taking a trip to Inferno cavern, because if she's gonna gain a fetish for dragonponies, then why not take a shot at seducing the biggest and baddest one of all, King Blaze of the UnderWorldian Inferno City?
Those two second chapters should be their own stories, though... I've learned that planning a whole lot for one story isn't as good as just doing things in their own stories!
Well, except for the part where I gotta figure out another cover image, lol
the final chapter is finally being born
Every single time I make progress on this blasted website I'm always finishing at some ungodly hour like 5 AM
11471445
SOMEYEAR TURNED INTO 5 AM ON MARCH FIRST BABY
anyway if yuo read it i hope you like it uwu