• Member Since 9th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen Sunday

Prince Polaris


I've written ponies, I've written Pokémon, I've written SCP-1471, and you can find my big dumb self at Prince_Polaris#1276

T

I got featured again!!!! June 19th 2021 - June 22nd 2021 :heart:

✩。:*•.──────────.•*:。✩

Luna has spent untold lifetimes in the dream world with other ponies, and on a cold winter night, she settles in for another- with a colt who has just one hour to live. Luna's spent incredible amounts of time in the dream world, and while her body doesn't reflect it, she is much, much older than her "older" sister.

Hickory is a teenaged colt, an orphan, living in Canterlot. He's spent more of his life being sick than being well, and he's very familiar with "his" hospital room by now. One night, for some reason, the doctors wheeled his machines out of the room, letting him go to sleep in silence for once. The room, usually filled with the whirring of the machines, was actually quiet enough for him to dream.

And on that night, Luna happened to be drifting through the dream world...

✩。:*•.──────────.•*:。✩

Chinese translation by gezhehuohu can be found here: https://fimtale.com/en/t/25240 :heart:

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 48 )

It’s beautiful, and hits right in the feels. Excellent work.

This sounds interesting.

Ooof... that one hurt :pinkiesad2:

I like the idea of Luna being able to give someone a whole life in dream form, though I imagine that has to be hard on her as well. Getting to know someone so closely, only to constantly lie to them just to give them one last bit of happiness. Or maybe she tells some of them? Then again, maybe it's for the best if they don't know. I feel like Hickory in particular wouldn't want Luna to continue if he knew.

And what happens when this dream has to inevitably end? Will Luna even want it to end, or will she be tempted to stay just to prolong the tragic conclusion? I suppose that's up for you to decide. I can see this going a few ways, and none of them are going to be good on the old heartstrings :applecry:

Well this caught my eye.
And already beautiful.

This story is gonna be the one to make me cry, I swear -

This is an interesting concept for sure. In a way it makes me think of how even if you were immortal you would still only have 24 hours in a day. But instead, Luna is immortal and can live lifetimes in the blink of an eye. Also I can't even imagine living lifetimes with sick ponies when they're about to die. Luna is practically infinitely old if she does this often. :twilightoops: Anyways, definitely looking forward to more, and while I am a bit interested in Hickory, I really wanna see what else this alternate Luna gets up to or if Twilight or somepony is going to 'discover' that Luna has lived countless lifetimes.

Oh screw me... the worst part about being a writer and reading other stories, Is that they can give you ideas for the story you are writing. Sometimes that's good... but sometimes It's bad. Like this. Because thinking about this story, has now made me stupid sad. And now I'm daydreaming of sad scenes... damn...

This reminds me so much of spiritfarer, and of Stanley from it, this is sure to make me shed tears if so

interesting setup? Check!
Good Writing? Check!
About to make me cry already? Double Check!
Time to track this and cry lots. Also pause briefly to mention this is on the featured box.

I can’t continue reading this as it’s gonna be so sad , I just want happy endings you know glorious happy endings

Oh this is beautiful, and I am very much looking forward to this! Wow...

10867008
Well maybe there will be a happy ending. Dying old and happy sounds pretty good, and he's on the dream-track to that ending.

i would read this if i could but the story looks excellent!

This is a sad story, but God is the concept not beautiful...

This first chapter and the potential this story has as a whole is massive.
I will most certainly be keeping an eye on this story. Great work so far Prince Polaris, I look forward to seeing how all this will play out.

10867382

Thank you!! I've got some ideas, I just need to figure out a good order for 'em...

10867268

The poor guy's dealt with enough, he won't be having a bad time anymore c:

10867008

There'll be one!! Sort of...

10866989

oh yeah well I'm gonna cry even more while writing it

10866917

I get ideas from all sorts of things, heh, a lot of them from music

10866909

I like to think that it's rare for somepony to die from getting sick or injured, but with as old as she is, Hickory isn't even close to her first...

10866846

It won't be the first thing I write that has me cry but it's probably gonna involve a lot more tears than anything else

10866703

I like to think that when Luna 'wakes up', as with any other dream, she forgets a lot of it... like, she won't forget everything, I figure she knows the names of all the ponies she spent such long times with in the dream world, ya know?

And I don't know how she would end it just yet... does she tell them? After living 70ish years in a dream, the news that it's all been a dream might be surprising, but it's the memories that count, the experiences, if you boop someone's nose in real life and then you boop someone's nose in your dreams, what's the difference if the nose boop feels the same?

10866686

Thank you <3

As they say, right in the feels.

Oh I can tell this is gonna hit hard. Definitely a contender for my best of the best folder.

I love to see how authors approach Luna's dreamwalking. The experiences might be "fake", but the memories and emotions are real.

I don't usually enjoy sad stories, but this one just hits different, Luna's willing to spend an entire lifetime with this poor colt just so he can grow up, even if only in his own mind

I recall another story that made me feel this way, one where a magical flu was wreaking havoc on Equestria, and a person aiding them had to help Luna with the painful duty of watching the dreams of the young fade away like soap bubbles, only to face another incoming wave of children destined to die...

This was a wonderful story, but as painful as walking through a children's cancer ward. :(

10867763

EXACTLY! :D

10867772

Just coming up with the concept was so saddening that I couldn't resist making it real

10867861

Noooooo, that visual of the dream bubbles popping is AWFUL :applecry:

10867878
Prince - I'll go through my saved stories and see if I can't find it. It's a damned good series of stories, but that specific side story was heart-breaking.

Trouble is, I have over 150 pages of saved stories... a good problem to have, mind you, but still a problem...

10867878
Prince - It's part of the Xenophilia series, specifically Xenophilia: The Blank Plague. Chapter 3.

And it hurts like hell to read. I can't imagine what it was like for the author to write it.

"Those little colts, those beautiful fillies... They will never wake again. And I cannot help them. All I can do is give them one last bright, sunny day, to play together and make friends. They can share their end together and never know."

God damn it.

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/121432/3/xenophilia-the-blank-plague/chapter-3

It's a terrible day for rain...

Wish it was a bit longer.

Also, maybe a follow-up?

10867898

Damn, that concept isn't far off from mine, but somehow it's even worse, giving them just one last day before their unknowing demise... :applecry:

10868138

well joke's on you sucker I'm working on chapter 2

(jk ily <3)

I'm actualy happy this just has the one chapter because we don't need to see the life she gives the little colt, we know it will be one of joy and contentment, a colt like hickory doesnt yern for adventure or fame he just wants to go home and to live a normal everyday life...to go to school, to learn, to grow up and maybe find a mate of his own someday

we don't need to see any of that for us to feel the sorrow and even the joy here, luna is giving this colt something that im sure every parant whos child was taken too soon wishes they could give them, even if its only within the space of a dream shes giving him the life that cruel fate denied him, and that is a thing worth more then all the money in the world

That... concept...
I rarely have a story that I read with is so obviously sad, yet... hopefully?... as well...
I look forward reading it! Yet... I have a feeling this story is warranted by something other than an idea.
I... I don't know what to say, and I am sorry. All I do know is to hope, that while unlikely, everyone who finds him/herself in such a situation will have Luna guiding them through it. Giving them a life worth living. Even when in dreams.
Please continue! It may be both important for you, and others.
If properly executed... thank you... and I have the utmost respect for you picking such a topic, and being willing to write about it.

Sometimes I wish the show had a more mature rating so it could properly address subjects like this...well, that is what fanfiction is therefore, after all. It also gives a more sadder and understandable note to Luna's exhaustion after her night of dreamwalking. Had this been a concept in the show, it would have been wonderful to see Celestia and Luna talk about it (perhaps you could write a piece about that?).

I have but two criticisms. One, Luna's actions of taking ponies as her lover and then erasing their memories...such actions are a bit beyond selfish. Then again, she also turned into a day-denying monster because most ponies dared to sleep at night.

The much greater criticism, however, is there is too much show and not enough tell. You tell the reader about Hickory's condition. You tell us about Luna's actions for the dying. You tell us that this makes Luna feel far older than she is. In fact, you just tell us Luna's feelings in general. You tell us the colt has an hour left to live. These things lose some of their impact (as cliche as it would be to reveal such things at the end of a story, but that is a cliche that can works quite well). You are clearly capable of showing, as you did when showing Hickory is an orphan. I just wish you had done that more.

Bar these, however, this is a great story, especially of short fanfiction (which I tend to prefer anyway).

Finally, I am no fan of lying to anyone, especially children (especially about the real world - the sooner they know of it, the better, it certainly benefited me that I was not patronized in that manner). I especially hate lying if it is to 'spare someone's feelings' or to hide the truth of a situation or event because the truth hurts. However, even I can admit, that, even in such a fantastical version such as this, it is a justifiable situation for such a baring of false witness.

10868936

You're right, honestly... if I write any more on this, I'll do it as a seperate story, a sequel, not everything has to be a massive story with 10 chapters, that's why so many of mine are unfinished! D:

And sometimes it's better to give people a runway for which their thoughts and imagination can take flight, rather than attempt to herd them onto a plane once they get to the runway....

10869319

I hope you like it!! c:

10869417

A more mature version of MLP would be awesome, a new series actually aimed at the oh-so-infamous bronies... And when it comes to Tia and Luna talking about it, you mean like, another short story where Luna decides to tell Tia about what she does in the dream world? Heh, maybe it could be set after the episode where Starlight swapped their jobs...

And about the criticisms, (thank you by the way, it helps me improve uwu), on the first one, the way I kinda thought about it was like... if Luna happens onto a wet dream, starring herself, she might take dream luna's place, but in exchange for uh... bedding the actual luna, she makes sure it's one of those dreams that you've forgotten by the time you get out of bed, ya know?

And the second one, oh boy. I guess I'm kinda new to writing actual stories? You'd think I would know what I was doing, considering the towering stacks of books I read in the past, but I'm not so sure...

One problem is that most of my pony writing is done in the form of third-person roleplaying on discord, kinda like DND but without any of the game mechanics? It's way closer to "collaborative storywriting" than "nuzzles you uwu", but the issue with this is that when I try to write a story, sometimes I find myself writing what is essentially a really long RP post.

Like, it's kind of a different world, I guess. In the RPs, I'm generally the person steering things like the setting and atmosphere and the storyline, so I kind of write things for the sake of guiding people through the story we've planned? We'll come up with plans, and then I try to make those plans happen, I guess.

Where I'm trying to go with this is that I'm not really sure how to un-learn my habit of... just telling everthing to everyone. Is it cause I'm Autistic? Or cause I'm worried I'll forget things if I don't make them obvious? Or am I used to making anything important really obvious so that other people (in a roleplay) can grab onto those hints and use them in their own posts?

I don't know! D:

And on the last point, it's an interesting dillema... do you tell the pony that their entire life has just been a dream? Like, if someone was to come out of the sky and tell me that my life has been a dream so far and I'm actually a 12 year old kid near death in a hospital, I don't even know how I'd react.

Well, I'd probably tell them to send me to Equestria instead of this lame ass planet, first off, but still. And yet, keeping the truth from them has to be hard! After all, Luna's going to have to decide when to let their dream end. I'm guessing she would pay attention for the signs that they're happy with the life they've lived, real or not, and she might just let them exit the dream while they're asleep in the dream itself, and then they pass on, but the whole situation sounds like a huge web of questions without clear answers!

Anyway, thank you a ton for the big ol comment, and sorry about uh, rambling so much in response <3

10869562

A more mature version of MLP would be awesome

yes yes it would be, its a long standing dream of mine that one day hasbro would absolutely loose there god damned minds and make ashes of Equestria a real thing (an alternative name for Fallout Equestria that only requires one of two copyright holders to agree to allow it!)

To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower.
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.

A follow-up comment: I was checking up on this story, given its changed status from incomplete with one chapter, to complete status with still only one chapter.

Given the reason for the change, I have to agree, I think Polaris is right to leave this story with this one chapter and perhaps then write a sequel.

I look forward to seeing how that will proceed, I will keep eye out for it.

"You know the old saying 'an hour of life is still life'." -Schindler's List

10869715

On one hand, that would be fucking awesome.

But on the other hoof, NOOOO I'M GONNA HAVE TO SEE PIP AND HOMAGE SPLIT UP AGAIN AND I'M GONNA CRY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

10869848

Thank you! When it comes to sequels, I had like... three ideas?

Idea #1 would be just kinda writing each chapter as an insight into important landmarks, like... Hickory learning to fly, graduating from school, marrying luna (if I decide to ship them?), that kind of thing.

Idea #2 was similar, but it would go by decade. Like, a chapter of what he's doing at age 20, then 30, then 40, I dunno, it sounds dumb when I write it down....

Idea #3 was gonna be from the perspective of Hickory's final day in the dream, where perhaps he either realizes he's dreaming, or Luna admits it to him, and they just sit together in bed and talk about his past, taking a trip down memory lane in the form of little flashbacks and scenes of important memories, kind of like idea #1 but put together into a bigger story?

#3 is the one I was gonna go with, but I just kinda had writer's block and I gave up >_<

10870674
Yeah that was a heartbreaking scene but no imagine if they did project Horizons or Celestia above forbid murky number seven

still featured. lookin good!

10870674
Don't give up. You have an excellent start here. Heck it's so excellent it is still featured. #1 sounds the best with him slowly realizing he's not actually awake and this is all a dream with the end being number 3.

Seriously sobbing now, damn you.

10871427

Well, not featured anymore :(

But I'm glad it was!!

And now that I'm thinking of it, it would be interesting if Hickory learns he's living a dream early on, cause then... the gig is up for a normal dream, you know? Like, they could go do all sorts of stuff in the event he figures out he's dreaming, one day they could be playing "real" mariokart and the next day they're playing soccer on the moon, I dunno

There's a lot you can do with the concept in the event he learns it's a dream, heh

10871729

:3c

Leave it as is. No sequel, no additional chapter, nothing. To do more would honestly be a disservice to what you had done, it's perfect the way it is.

A lifetime one heartbeat to the next...sad, but can't help think that Luna is a source of great Joy in hickory's new life. °U°

Unusual story. I'm probably going to have to reread it again to get the full effect.

10964819

Hmmmmm, what would it even be about?


11174090

it a sad, but also a happ

Login or register to comment