• Member Since 26th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Dec 18th, 2016



Ever been flung into another universe? Its a humbling experience to say the least, one that many hate and many love. It gives a feeling of wonderlust you just cant find anymore, a chance to start over and all. But I must warn you, even if you think you know where you're going you may be surprised to find its not what you expected. Its also important to read the fine print, thats a big one. This is my story, when I came to the magical land of Equestria to find more to it than I ever expected. Why can't things ever be simple?

Part of chess game of the gods, a universe made by Blackwing, Rust, and many others. my greatest respects to you fine gentlemen.

Chapters (4)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 34 )

First to comment on a story!!! those were good choices not bad my good sir
Edit: would you like me to PM your mistakes or post them

This story interests me. You have a fav.

you sir are AWSOME. i really like the story so far and i really hope you write more:twilightsmile: plus the armor is really cool as well

I immediately downvoted this without looking at it, sadly. I just don't look at stories with spelling and grammatical errors in the frickin' description. Seriously, make your story look professional, or else you aren't getting anything out of it.


1628942 Yes that would be helpful. My dislexia has a tendancy to miss stuff. Post them, I'm not ashamed... well not that much.

1629216 What!? All that time reveiwing the story and I dont look at the intro. I asure you the storys far better, thanks for the heads up.

Edit: Fixed it. It should be better now. I was so worried about mistakes in the story I forgot to check the flimsy intro I made weeks ago. Got to say though, never updated by phone before.

Alright after one minor... OK colossal screw up I'm back on track. On a side note I'm looking for a certified grammar nazi to be my editor, god knows I need the help.

Chapter 1:
I like pony's.": ponies
I like twilight,:Twilight

Chapter 2
I had the just of what: love these guy's': jist
and where pretty strongly: were

The woods where far denser here: were
any pony's lived: ponies
They where extremely emaciated: were
Tears where now falling: about a forth my: were

1630723 Thanks. Mistakes corrected.

1630773 There are also errors in the chapter names. The correct versions would be:

Of Theories and Concepts

I Awake...Or Is It Turn On?

Broken Fantasies

There you are! Now that's out of the way, I will actually read your story.


Thanks, I'll retract my downvote and actually check out the story immediately. Remember the You're, your, they're, their, and there rules, because you still have one more mistake in the description;

But I must warn you, even if you think you know where your going you may be surprised

Should be "You're." I'll look at the story and point out any critiques I see.

1632274 Blast those similar sounding words!

nice opening Y DO THE SUN WAKE UP SO EARLY:twilightangry2:

I'm nearly done with the 4th chapter, Its later than I would of hoped but eh what you gonna. I'm still looking for an editor for it when I finish, give me a heads up if your interested.


D'awww soon cute I really like this chapter keep up the good work :twilightsmile:
And I have a question how long did it take for your story to be submitted to the group because I had submitted mine and its been like 3 months or so but just asking


How are writers so good at making cute stuffs? HNNNNNNNNG THAT WAS SO CUTE! AGH!

Sorry about that. He gets a little overactive if something of that magnitude of cuteness is fired at his brain. Anyways, a translation is order. "My good man, your story is magnificent. You had better be continuing this, as it seems very promising. I will be watching you."

1773249 You have like...err... ASKED one of the moderators right? I went through a lot of planning to get in.

1773923Sorry but I submitted a story and its been like three months and nobody has sent me anything so I was just curious :twilightsheepish:

I almost died of over exposure to adorableness at the end. Amazing chapter! :yay:

Awesome work, keep it up :twilightsmile:

I've got a remark to make
You are using Athene as Game Master
And Athene is already being used in the canon-story "Myou've gotta be kidding me"n:twilightoops:
So if you are aiming for canon, look into this.
If not, then canter on with your work :twilightsmile:

Why hasn't anyone told me this sooner!?
Commencing revision.

Luckily I spotted this early, would have become quite the problem if left continued
Anyways, Good luck on the (small?) revision.

Ya, it may not appear far along but I'm one of those writers who plans WAY ahead. This will take more than a little alteration.

Okay I have to say it. Old Yeller really?

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!