• Member Since 17th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen 52 minutes ago

TheOneAJ


I'm am an autistic brony, looking to write fantasy and everyday life novels for my kind. I became a brony when I related well with applejack and twlight, and I love the show.

Sequels1

T

Octavia Melody is infamously known you be a stuck up, high horse, thinks she better than everyone else rich brat who won’t even accept help carrying her cello case when it’s clearly too heavy for her.
Sonata Dusk, curious as to why, finds out when she is given a chance to help the cellist. Maybe, even become a friend?

Not part of my first two SonTavia stories continuity. Takes place more in a Canterlot High where the Dazzlings are just ordinary students.

Special thanks again to the The Sleepless Beholder, both for the cover art (fully drawn version in the works. Posting now so he dosnt have to feel rushed. Seriously, give him love for his hard work) and for pre-reading.

Rated teen for some swearing, and possible heavy themes. Wrote this as a sort of vent to some irl issues with taking criticism more irl. Feedback on this story is highly appreciated. Also, reviews and dramatic readings are A-Okay, just please tell me at least after it’s been published please 😓

If you like what I do, Consider sponsoring me on Kofi. although let me know in the comments if you do since I’m still working out a few bugs ^^’
Although all support is appreciated:pinkiehappy:

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 11 )

ur artist friend might wanna have a think about how girls sit?

10352781
Hahahahaha that's true. I have always done people standing so never really thoguht about it

10352781
First comment I get On any of these stories and it’s for the artist -/-
Regardless, thanks for the feedback, even if not for the literature, good or bad It is apreciated

10352877 that's a good reply. both the reason and ur attitude 2 me saying it. wishing u the best with ur next art

10352905 the simple truth is that it takes 5 seconds of looking 2 get enough of an idea of the artwork 2 leave a comment, but 5 minutes of reading 2 do the same with the story. life is short and time is precious. that's why derpibooru is like way bigger than fimfiction

This was sweet, any chance there's going to be a sequel?

10353420
Maybe... right now I want to get some YouTube videos done, and try to focus on something Short with the third art piece Sleepless drew for Me.
However, while I wasn’t sure at first, mulling it over... yeah. Not sure if it will be the big novel I want for the ship, but I have more planed. Just debating if I want it as a separate story or just to mark this as incomplete

10353441
Honestly I'd say go with a separate story, it works really well as a One-Shot beginning but a story built around Sonata bringing Octavia out of her shell would work really well as a sequel rather than a continuation of this story.

Note: This one feels like a "baby steps" type start and while some stories do a good slow burn this one just doesn't have that feeling.

You're really on board with this ship for the long haul? :raritywink:

10360249
No one else is Writting it, so sure! I’ll captain this ship 🛳

“I can handle it myself, thank you very much.” Sonata heard, and look down several lockers rows of lockers from her own to where a girl from the school band was fighting off a fellow student. The offending girls crime; trying to help to carry a cello case.

The first 'locker' should be removed from the sentence.

Applejack shook her head and walked away. As she passed by Sonata’s locker, Sonata swore she heard the cowgirl mutter, “Stuck up, spoiled little-

You really should add a " everytime you put this - in a sentence.

“Oh, hey Vinyl!” Sonata smiled, placing her book bag down. “I mean, yeah. I just don’t get her.” They turned to see the musician lugging the instrument across the hall. Students would stared for moment, but went quickly on their way when Octavia shot them a ‘What?’ glare.

Remove 'would'

“I resent that!” Vinyl protested, holding a hand to her heart as Sonata giggled. “But, eh… okay! Maybe that didn’t help. But honestly, if she can’t take a joke or criticism, then that’s no skin off my bones. Although she didn’t have to call me a, and I quote,” she coughed and took on Octavia’s voice. “Hormonally inbreed disc jockey,’ for trying to hold open the door for her.” she finished in her normal voice.

She*

Sonata lowered her head. “I guess. Still, I refuse to believe she a... Well you know, all the time.”

she's*

“Thanks.” Sonata smiled as the warning belle rang, starting the school day for the students of Canterlot High.

bell*

“Fine!” and snatched the paper from Sonata’s hand. “But this better at least get me a B.”

And*

Sonata rolled her eyes, but said nothing as they made their way towards their desk. Only now realizing that Octavia had always sat behind her in this class

Your missing a period.

“Yeah, well, deals changed.” Sonta declared, certain that she was the one with the power in this situation. “Here’s the new deal; for one hour, you try to be my friend.”

Sonata*

Sonata nodded again. “Yes. We’ll be even.” Despite how wrong that sound, Sonata held her ground.

sounds*

Sonata nearly threw out a joke about noticing, but like a good friend, held it in. “It’s okay.” She said in a comforting tone, reaching out. and rubbing Octavia’s shoulder. “Just tell me what grade your in, and share something you like to eat. I promise, I don’t have any ill intentions.”

Change the period to a comma after tone.

“Italian actually.” Octavia felt a feeling of cold from the loss of contact, but kept from showing it as she added more to the answer. “It was a part of a meal during my first recital. Which was a school performance, so it meant everything else by comparison was cafeteria food. So, I guess the fresh salad stood out to me more. Um….

And add " whenever you add ...

-but really!” Octavia exclaimed with her arms held out for emphasis. “Why do elephant seals have trunks if they don’t even use them.”

But*

Octavia narrowed. “What? Now you’re going to try to guilt me into spending more time acting as your friend? As if I’m not obligated to stay? Get all close and maybe we can spend our summers in Europe each summer as besties?” she said in a mock tone

Missing another period.

“No!!” Sonata sprang to her feet. “Octavia, please, what’s wrong? For really?” She took Octavia’s hand. “This isn’t normal. You know it, I know it. I promise I won’t tell anyone, but please, tell me.”

Real*

Octavia let out a breath as she felt Sonata wrap her arms around her body. Overwhelmed with emotions, not even thinking, returned the hug and cried into Sonata’s shoulder Sonata. No other words needing to be said as Octavia felt companion and love for the time in her life.

Remove Sonata after shoulder.

Sonat stared up at her bedroom ceiling. 11:47 p.m., her clock said. Yet, she didn’t feel like sleeping. Her mind raced with everything that had happened that day. Feeling glad Octavia didn't give her own number to herself. Otherwise, Sonata would have broken down hours ago and tried to call her. She was happy with the progress she seemed to have made with Octavia, and even wanted to be a genuine friend with her. Maybe more with that little bit Octavia let slip in her breakdown. The thought, as distant as any such relationship would be even if they did become friends, couldn’t keep Sonata from dreaming. Memories still fresh from Octavia’s touch, he beautiful hair, the way they held each other-

The, not he.

This is an interesting take on Octavia, being a stuck up and arrogant rich girl, which does kinda feel implied in Rainbow Rocks in a way, and her being an uptight snob to this degree. Glad Sonata talked some sense into her and that Vinyl remained a nice girl too!

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