The Siren Of The Wellspring

Once upon a time, there was a land and a legend of a magical lake, with water that can heal any aliment. However, it is said to be guarded by a fierce beast. So far, all those who enter the woods where the lake is suppose to be, none have returned.
That is, until one Octavia Melody, who’s sister is dying, tries her luck. Will she succeed, where others have failed? And what will she find when she gets there...

*Was Featured on the day of publication! Thank you all 🤩

Cover art as always by Sleepless

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Chapters (1)

Comments ( 4 )

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TheOneAJ

TheOneAJ #1 · Nov 22nd, 2020 · · ·

I know the title and cover art, as well as tags, leaves little to any ‘mystery’ of what and who the lake monster is, and I’m sorry. Really wanted to try something more adventure themed with SonTavia, and I’m bad with titles >.>
Still, hope you can enjoy, and any feedback is still welcome 💜

Lore Horse

Lore Horse #2 · Nov 23rd, 2020 · 1 · ·

Potential sequel? This was really good. It'd be interesting to have Octavia introduce Vinyl to the siren that captured her heart.

TheOneAJ

TheOneAJ #3 · Nov 23rd, 2020 · · ·

10546182
TBH, yeah, I did have more in mind, but wanted this to be a stand alone one shot in case I never got around/busy with my other projects.
However, after being featured, I just might sooner than later ...
Thank you 💜

ScisetShimmerEvan

ScisetShimmerEvan #4 · Oct 9th, 2022 · · ·

“How are you feeling today?” one Octavia Philharmonic asked her sick sister as she ringed out a wet rag.

One*

No one was sure what had happened. It started with a cough, then, Vinyl would complain of chest pains until finally, she started to spit up blood. After that, she became too weak to move. Over a week had passed since Vinyl last left her bed, and regardless of if you believed it was dark magic, or knew it was some sickness that the science of the time couldn’t identify, the prospects were bleak for the older sister.

Oh my god! 😰

“I mean,” Octavia stared with a gulp. “No news doesn’t mean-

Missing a "

“That one boy still giving you trouble?” Vinyl asked, trying to change the topic. “What was his name…?

Missing another "

“Ah yes,” Vinyl nodded. “Hell of a brat he was.” She let out a weak laugh. “I wonder if he still feels that wedgie I gave him after her tried looking under your skirt.”

I'll never understand that sometimes. Looking under/up skirts.

“Ugh,” Vinyl groaned. “Do I have to, mommy?”

Lol

“My lady,” someone in the court said, “you know we’re doing our best.

Yet again, missing a "

“No!” her mother sobbed.

Her*

“Surely there must be some way to get to that lake?” someone else commented.

Someone*

“Oh what? Was my son's death not enough for you?!” someone else shouted.

Again. Someone*

“May… Maybe the army?” her mom offered weakly, already aware of how foolish it sounded as she continued to beg.

Her*

“If I may,” the doctor added again, “I wouldn’t count on any kind of miracle this time. The best you can do, is ready yourselves for-

Missing a " once again.

By the light of the candle that night, unable to sleep, Octavia read through the book that contained the local legend. Supposedly, deep in the woods of a town a two day ride away, there was a lake hidden within. The waters, it said, could heal any alignment, natural or otherwise. However, the lake was guarded by… Something. What honestly, was anybody guess. What wasn’t a myth was how everyone who went into those woods to find the lake never returned. Which spawned countless stories of what protected it. Turning the page, she shivered at a werewolf-like creature next to a body of water slaughtering a group of eight men, where the next page depicted a lone man standing up to a sea serpent.

anybody's*

“So what makes everyone so sure that if no one’s come back alive?” she began, starting to think this was a waste of time. What was she hoping to find that no one else had? What could she-

Capitalize 'she' in the second sentence.

“Stop it,” she said, trying to clear the thought from her mind by slamming the book shut. “You really think you could do what all those other idiots could not?” she huffed, and went to her bed, only to pause as Vinyl let out a weak groan. “You can’t leave her either.” And with that, she tried to curl up into bed.

She* x2

The people of Trot were very used to and very welcoming to strangers. After all, it was a rather well off to do village because of them. Which you think wouldn’t be the case so close to a cursed woods. Quite the opposite, as all the travelers over the centuries had turned into what could only be described as a medieval tourist trap. The era, not the theme.

I think the second sentence should be changed to this. "After all, it was a rather off thing the village would do to tourists and visitors."

So, when Octavia rode into town, she was quickly met with warm smiles and offers of fresh fruits, breads, meats, and other trinkets that would, in theory, protect her. Even one or two merchants had the gaul to claim they actually had water from the lake. She, or rather, he, paid them no mind as Octa- Serenade, she-he! Reminded himself, thought, as he adjusted his hat that kept his long hair in.

Why is she in a disguise?

“Indeed it is,” the owner, a rather plump man, smiled as he cleaned out a glass. “Let me guess, you’re here to be the first person to reach the mythical lake at the center of the woods?” he looked at Serenade up and down. “Can I also take a second guess that the name, Philharmonica, means something to you?”

Capitalize 'he' in the beginning of the third sentence.

The man shook his head. ‘Kid, as much as I would just like another horse to my herd and be done with this, I still have conscience enough to tell you; go home. And before you say something along the lines of; my love for her will carry me through, I’ve had twenty men alone in the last fortnight claim that. So far, I’ve never seen any of those men again.”

"* in the beginning of the first sentence.

For the first of many times that day, Octavia kept cursing herself. What made her think she could achieve what hundreds of brave men before her could not?! This was stupid, but it was the only chance her sister had. And of course, the moment it became too dangerous, or she realized she couldn’t make it, she told herself she would turn back. Which was also likely what everyone else said-

Replace - with a period.

“What kind of beast is this?” she pondered, wondering if this qualified as enough of a danger to turn back.

She*

“So, this thing enchants travels, and that’s how it kills them?” she mused. It would explain all the discarded weapons. Having been dropped, not out of fear, but by a hypnotic spell. Still, that left the bigger, and possibly more important question at the moment; why wasn’t she being entranced? Thinking it was a matter of needing to listen to the song for long enough, she dropped her bow, ripped at her cloak, and jammed the scraps into her ear. It didn’t silence the sound, but it would be better than nothing.

Capitalize 'she' in the second sentence.

“I know you’re there, human. So why do you not come out? Go for a swim? The water’s lovely.” A clearly feminine voice said. “You must be tired from your quest, young man. Please, you have nothing to fear of me. Perhaps we can even have some fun?” it asked in a flirty voice.

It*

What saved her was the sun. Had Octavia been there an hour or two later or earlier, she would not have seen the shadow until after her heart had been stabbed. Since she did, Octavia rolled onto her back, arrow tensed as the thing, a human looking woman, dressed in a slik white, single piece dress, knife on hand, ready to throw at her, froze upon seeing the arrow aimed right at her.

https://m.

“Yeah, well bad luck. Because I can’t let you leave here alive,” the girl countered. “Or else you will take with you the secret on how to safely approach.” She tilted her head, wobbled on her fight for a bit, nearly dropped her knife. “Since we don’t seem to be going anywhere,’ she continued once she stretched out her legs to find balance. “How come you aren't affected by my magic?”

Once again, change ' to this " in the second to last sentence.

“I was wondering that myself actually.” To Octavia’s dismay, one of her ear plugs slipped out, although Serenade kept up a confident face. “Cause I’ll be honest, I don’t think those were working.” He added, shaking his head a bit to allow the other to fall out.’

You don't need ' at the end.

“Shit.” The Siren cursed. “Guess my magic dosnt work on the same sex after all.”

doesn't*

“As a matter of fact, you are.” she nodded. “This mean your society gotten more fair?

She* and missing a " again...

Octavia rolled her eyes. “Hardly. I had to sneak out and desquies myself as a man after all.”

disguise*

“Oh, right! Sorry.” she blushed and shook her head. “Figures things haven’t changed.”

She*

“Well,” the girl said, looking around, legs wo belong for a moment, nearly dropping the knife, but balancing herself all the same. “I wasn’t always like this. See, my sisters and I were once mortal, until our mother did something to anger the gods, so to punish her, they punished-

Pretty sure wo isn't a word and your missing yet another "

“Don’t I?” the siren question. Although her voice held a hint of fatigue.

The*
questioned*

“So, what?” Octavia added, loss for words. The truth was, she was right. She loved her parents, but if she went home, told them about the lake and how it was guarded by a siren who didn’t affected females or anyone who deafened themselves, would the promise of such magic and riches keep them out? Would it mater if it meant draining the lake dry and dooming the poor creature in front of her? Would anyone really not be so tempted if the information became so wide spread of this treasure-

Replace - with !

“Sacrifice?” Octavia asked, trying to understand anyways. “What do you possibly have to ‘sacrifice’ when it’s just you-

Replace - with ?"

“Be quiet.” her opponent hissed.

Replace the period with a comma.

“Actually, I am rather curious.” For added effect, Octavia batted her eyelashes. “Do you straight up drown them, or do you entertain yourself first? I mean, a fish with nothing else to do all day, until some man comes along. I mean, gods if I was so lonely-

Missing " yet again.

Octavia shook. Was this some kind of trick? Maybe. She wouldn’t put it past her-

You don't need that - it should be a period or exclamation point.

’‘Why? No, we should save her?’

' x2

“Don’t be stupid. Take the advantage before-

' x2 again.

‘If this is a trap, she’s really pushing her luck.’

' x2 yet again.

‘… that doesn’t mean-

Sentence should be changed to this. "That doesn't mean..."

“Either setting a good example for humanity, or something very stupid.” Octavia answered as they got to the water’s edge, dipping her flask in. “I dunk you in, but I imagine getting the arrow out will be easier on land.” She took the arrow in one hand, and placed a hand on Sonata’s chest. “On three, I’ll pull, and then you chug, okay?” Sonata simply nodded. “One, two…

Missing a " at the end.

“Right. Octavia nodded, standing to her feet, and offering a hand to Sonata. Who, very hesitantly, took it, and was pulled up to eye level. Only to swing her arms in the air, and feel off balance into Octavia’s arm.

Missing another "

Octavia looked at her, and once again, hesitated. “Are you sure? I didn’t mean-

Once again, a " is missing!

“No, No. I appreciate the offer,” sonata beamed. “Really, I do. It means more to me than you think.” With that, she pulled Octavia into a hug, who gladly returned it.

Sonata*

Octavia rod through the night and day, and as it happened, no sooner had she touched the cabin she was supposed to have retreated to, did a her father’s men that were supposed to keep on eye on her, walked up to the cabin with, bless their hearts, fresh supplies and simply to see if she was okay. When asked why she looked so rugged, Octavia answered honestly enough that she had been horseback ridding, and felt ready enough to go home. Which, as it turned out, she really had arrived just in the nick of time as the doctor told her sister had a day, two tops. From the state Octavia saw Vinyl in, she didn’t need much convincing.

Remove a, in the first sentence.

Vinyl yawned and smiled as the color returned to her face. “Oh Tavi, you’re such a… naughty girl…. Hey, where’s your-

Again, missing a "

The was good I'll say, but there are a lot of mistakes that need to be fixed.

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