Twilight’s lunch date with Flash Sentry goes horribly wrong when she accidentally burns the meal she prepared and has to make a replacement.
Based off of “Steamed Ham” meme from The Simpsons
Written for Flashlight Week 2018
Chapters (1)
Blaze_Deku
Joined 2nd Sep, 2018 ·
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HA! This was good. Nice work.
Amusing shitpost lol. I wonder if there's a mlp version on yt... hopefully not!
(this isn't actually a shitpost? i suppose it's just a plain ol parody, but i dont get to say the former often enough)
This was a very good story, I gotten good laughs from it. Excellent job.
Ha! Adorable. Tasted sweeter than sugar. Take my like my good writer.
I read this over on deviantart. I'm assuming your participating in this year's (albeit much later) FlashLight Week also.
I had this issue, reading your story, where I couldn't help but hear Twilight Sparkle speaking with Seymour Skinner's voice. And that was a little funny, but also incredibly jarring.
You have a hodge-podge of material here, some of it your own, but the bulk of it from the episode of The Simpsons from which you drew this premise. The stuff that's from The Simpsons, particularly the lines of dialogue, most of which is verbatim (with some embellishment here and there), don't harmonize well with the material that's coming from you.
Sometimes, Twilight sounds like Twilight (I commend you for her mini-breakdown in the kitchen), but other times, she just sounds unnaturally like Skinner. And because so much of this is just taken from The Simpsons, that problem runs throughout the story.
I hesitate to even call this "your story," because (and I hope it's apparent that I'm being frank, and not rude, with my criticism)... it isn't. It's Steamed Hams, from the premise right down to the dialogue, with a sprinkling of pone flavor. It's the same bit from Simpsons, except it's not as funny or cohesive, because the characters' lines are being fed through voices that they don't suit, with little input on your part.
If you want to write something that's your MLP-themed take on a classic bit from something like The Simpsons, then there are good ways of doing that beyond just mimicking them. If you try writing something like this again, then consider how you could follow the spirit of that short, without just copying the substance of it.
The voicing problem is less of an issue with Flash because he doesn't really have a personality from canon to get in the wayUpvoted for steamed hams.
Y'know, it's kinda embarrassing to know there are now TWO Steamed Hams memes on Fimfiction.
Ah well. You steam a good ham.
10340849
where's the other?
10340902
Just look up Steamed Hams. There are only two.
Very funny, with a Twilight twist! Have a like and a Favorite!
Mmm
This was cute. Sometimes it *really* cut way too close to the source material, but there were some really good original jokes in here all the same - Twilight's breakdown rant by the burnt food was choice comedic stuff
And the ending with her and Flash was a nice touch as well. Glad that you added that on. XD
Ah the classic: I burnt my meal scenario. Never gets old. Kudos dear writer.
Take a like.
It never gets old 😆