- Member Since 1st Jul, 2015
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
Omegathyst
Female Writer, Bisexual Writer, Smolder X Mare Crackship Connoisseur. Creator of the Smolderverse, and writer of many other kinds of clop and SFW stories (Commissions temporarily OPEN)
Sequels1
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Omegathyst · 4.8k words · 25 5 · 554 views
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This feels very rushed and half-baked compared to Apples and Oranges: I think it might need a little extra time and attention before you go to release future chapters. The concept's cute and solid, but... Yeah, it just feels flimsy at the moment.
10122416
I'd argue that with more chapters, I'm putting more time and development into this story than its prequel. So I would have to respectfully disagree, but thanks for the constructive criticism. I'll keep that in mind.
Did I already told you about a dragon having a griffoness maid?
Great work keep it up
This is your official review from Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
Remember to vote in the contest's poll -- voting closes at midnight, June 6th.
And make sure to allow notifications from the contest group and/or follow Dirty Little Secret to get the full results and the awards show post on June 9th!
You can also check the current ranking, thanks to garatheauthor's unofficial ranking of the scores that have been publicized so far.
------ Review ------
Please keep in mind, I know I can be overly critical and negative at times. I can always find something to nitpick, even in the greatest works of literature ever written. Please don't take it personally!
-AJ not noticing at first when Fluttershy professed love was cute.
-Could have skipped some of the episode recap.
-Kind of odd that they'd just walk away right after fucking.
-Fluttershy and AJ never got any real action directly with each other! They just professed their love for each other for the very first time, then they get involved in a threesome ... and all they do is kiss?
-I feel like the cuckolding fetish didn't get used to its full potential.
-The sex itself was kind of matter-of-fact and by-the-numbers.
-There's a lot going on here for just ~2.4k words. It could really use a slower pace and getting more into the details of things. This is easily enough material for 10k words or more if you really take your time with it.
-The cuckolding was an interesting touch, and I really didn't see it coming.
------ Scores ------
To clarify what these scores mean, check my judging rubric.
Cloppability: 80/100
Allure: 80/100
Enticement: 75/100
Immersion: 87/100
Prose Quality: 92/100
Total Score: 414/500
The more specialized scores for individual prizes, as well as the results of the community poll, will be published when the full results are announced. If this story wins any awards, there will be another post in the story comments sometime after June 9th announcing that this story has won.
Thank you for participating, and thank you for contributing to Fimfic's collection of clop!