Solitude
I'm terrible at bringing forth the night. She was always so much better at that than I. She could make the stars twinkle in the sky. She could make the moon glow as it crested the horizon. She could make the night something gorgeous. I can't do any of it. I just raise the moon and reveal the stars. Nothing like what She did.
A glance out over Canterlot reveals the twinkling tell tale signs of ponies staying up past sunset. Something nopony, well, almost nopony, could have dreamed of a thousand years ago. Now there are bars that stay open and vibrant well past midnight, clubs that entertain for many hours more. Ponies take walks in the peaceful night, enjoying the cooler air. A small few who actually watch and study the stars, curious about them.
The irony, of course, is not lost on me; more of my sweet, precious ponies enjoy the night and everything it has to offer than ever before. I had to work over centuries to banish the fear, but I did it. There aren't many who do, but maybe enough. I just wish I could give them something worth enjoying. Something like what She could do.
But soon, they will. Soon, She'll be back where She belongs: by my side. It's been a very, very long millennium. A very lonely one. Twilight is going to fix that. I know she can. I just need her to make some friends. Not the hardest of tasks, but then again...
She's far more important than she realizes. I know she can do this. She has to.
Unlike....
Make me a princess.
You know I'm ready for this!
This is the biggest mistake you'll make in your entire life.
The coppery taste of blood brings me back to the present. I had bit down on my lip too hard. Running my tongue across it, I shake my head. Sunset Shimmer. She.... She was powerful. She was strong. I have no doubt that she could have wielded Magic. She is, without a doubt, the strongest pony I've seen in hundreds of years. Stronger even than Twilight.
But she was vain and greedy. Too demanding. I don't think she could ever have made friends. Minions and underlings, sure. But she saw herself equal to me, and she didn't have the compassion or empathy to care for anyone she thought beneath herself. The Elements would never have answered to her. Perhaps in desperation, like they answered my plea so long ago, but not without great risk to Sunset.
I showed her the mirror in hopes that... something would change. I’m not sure what I was thinking. That it might temper her greed? That it might bring her some sense of humility? She was right about it being a mistake. I can see that now.
I've thought of going through that mirror a few times. I can't bring myself to. I'm afraid to face her, still. Every 30 moons it opens. Every other year I take three days off and wait by the mirror, hoping she comes back. I don't know what I'd do if she did show up. I know she'll come back one day. And while I dread it, I'm looking forward to it too. I miss her.
The castle is quiet tonight. My hooves clip gently upon the floor as I walk. My mind is elsewhere and I pay no attention to where I am going. Despite the late hour, and the assurance that the entire staff has tomorrow off, as the Summer Sun Celebration is being held in Ponyville, there is still the gentle rumblings of conversations around me. Ponies are such naturally friendly beings.
I close my eyes and reach out with my mind, touching upon everyone still in the castle. A smile pulls on the edges of my lips. Most of the maids are still here, with a dozen or so chefs. They’re gathered in one of the many dining rooms, having a party. Should I join them? I only need a moment to process before I shake my head. They’re celebrating having time off. The time off I told them to take.
My eyes flutter open and I realize I’ve stopped. Again, my hooves had led me here, to this door. The construction crews were baffled by it when I added it to the design plans. This entire wing of the castle made no sense to them. And why would it? It was built three hundred years after my sister’s banishment. Nopony alive knew anypony who had known her. There was no reason to seal a whole section of my castle behind imposing oak doors, stained nearly black with a crescent moon emblazoned upon it. But they had dutifully constructed it. Exactly how I told them to.
...Or at least I assume they did. I’ve never passed the threshold. How could I? I was never invited in. These were Her rooms, Her space. I would not intrude upon them without her invitation. I don’t know if I could even ask her. My hope is that they are to her liking, that she can have a place to live, to feel loved. The rooms fill up a whole tower of the castle, just as mine do. Perfectly equal in every way. Just how I hope my little ponies can see Her. She deserves it.
A yelp of fear catches my attention. My ears swivel and my mind darts out, concerned. It doesn’t take long to find the source: Blueblood. My nephew. Telling off some maid for being in his way.
I sigh. I don’t know where I went wrong with him. He and Cadance are my only family. She is as kind and loving as he is aloof and arrogant. I tried to raise them well. I tried to treat them as normal ponies. But I suppose my very existence belies that. How can any interaction I have with them be normal when I see them and speak to them hundreds if not thousands of times more often than anypony else? Just being able to talk to me, being able to confide in me makes them special. Makes them different.
But what was I to do? Ignore them? Abandon them? No, that would have been cruel.
And yet, I can't help but wonder if Blueblood would have turned out better had he be raised in an orphanage. Had he not known of his relationship with me. Then again, perhaps not. I cannot know just how much of who he has become is because of how I raised him, and how much is just a part of who he is.
But I need to do something about him. Before it’s too late. If it isn’t already.
The fields between Ponyville and Canterlot are eerily quiet tonight. Like all the animals of the world know that the Nightmare is coming back. It certainly is unseasonably cold tonight. My eyes drift up to the moon. Her face is still plastered there, staining what should be a glorious, pure orb of light. I wonder if She is aware of the scar. I wonder what She would think of it.
A twinkle catches my eye. Four stars are glowing brighter and drifting towards the moon. The stars will aid in her escape. For centuries I assumed it to be quite literal. The prophecy was incredibly plain spoken. The Nightmare would consume the power left lingering in Her stars to break free of the chains the elements placed upon her. What else was that line supposed to mean?
Then I saw Twilight. And her cutie mark. A starburst with five smaller ones around it. I know I shouldn’t read too much into it, put too much faith in it, but I can’t help but hope for a double meaning. Prophecies are often full of them after all. The Nightmare uses Her stars to escape her prison, Twilight and her ‘stars’ use the elements to help free Her.
A foalish hope, I know, but one I hold onto. It may be the only chance I have at seeing my sister again.
With a flash, the stars are gone, and so is the scar. The Nightmare has returned. My hope now rests with Twilight and her stars.
I can sense her in there. Our old castle. I rest my hand on the remains of the grand entrance doors. I knew she would return here. Where else but the spot she was banished form? I don’t know if she expects me. I have no idea what she is thinking. My magic keeps me hidden from her, though. I’m not ready to face her. Not yet.
I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if I can face either of them. One is a living reminder of my greatest mistake. The other I hurt beyond all others. Even if I could, if I could bring myself to see her, could I find it in myself to strike her down again? She is still my sister. And I miss her so much. These thousand years have been a punishment for me as well. A thousand years of loneliness. I don’t think I can face another.
A wave of magic washes over me: a scanning spell. She is looking for something. I can’t help but wonder what. I could go and ask.
No, of course not. Who am I kidding.
The forest is quiet tonight. No longer do the monsters of the Everfree feel safe in their power. Not now that the Nightmare and I are here. They know, on a deep, primal level, not to mess with us. Beyond them, however, the forest is empty. It always is. I have no need of magic to know that.
Shaking my head, I turn and return down the path. It was pointless coming here. All I’ve done is stare at the remains of my old home.
I know I’m pathetic. Sending my student, still a child in my eyes. Barely old enough to drink. Nowhere near old enough to be saving the world. And yet, I plan to send her to fight my battles for me. Because I’m too much a coward to face them myself. If I’m right, if the prophecy has a second meaning, if she is meant to wield the Elements in my stead, will she ever understand the burden I’ve given her?
The Elements are the strongest weapon known to ponykind. If she can make the friends to wield them, they will be our last line of defense against any threat that would come against us. Is she ready to shoulder that responsibility? Can I really thrust that upon her?
Do I have a choice anymore? The Elements have grown silent to me. They did not approve of my actions towards my sister. How could they? I used them to fix a problem of my own making. I could never again wield them.
Perhaps that is for the best. Perhaps it is time, or close to it, that I step down. For millennia I have led this country. Helped it grow, helped my ponies prosper. Perhaps I should consider retirement. Twilight is a good girl. Maybe I could train her up, teach her enough to take over for me.
If she can learn to value friends and the joy they bring. A shut in, a recluse is no good as a leader. I need to push her. Just like so many others. Always so much work to do.
One day. Tonight, it is time for the prophecy to be fulfilled.
The sun is meant to come up soon. Five minutes, by my count. I’ve kept an eye on the forest. She flew a lap around it once, not long after I left. A black dot against the dark night sky. I doubt anypony else saw. Or even thought to check.
Why would they? The Nightmare is but a bedtime story, and She has all but faded from the history books. Twilight may be the only pony to actually think the Nightmare is real.
Yet, in that castle she stays. I want to go find her. I want to hold my sister again. But I don’t know who I will find. Either way, I can’t face either of them. I’m not ready yet. I can’t help but panic a little inside. What if Twilight doesn’t activate the elements? Will we be ready for the threats of the future?
Will there even be any threats? I've defended us for a thousand years alone. Surely I can keep doing that?
Will I ever see my sister again?
I shake my head. Now is not the time to worry. I can’t force something that isn’t meant to happen. I glance towards the moon. It’s slowly approaching the horizon. Four minutes and it will be time to set it.
Three minutes.
Two.
One.
I need to go to the stage. They’re expecting a show.
The crowd cheers as I step through the curtain. I’m later than I should have been, but I don’t much care. I wasn’t sure this would be happening at all. With a single wave they fall silent. My horn lights up and I close my eyes. I can’t help it; I touch the moon, curious. The Nightmare has already reached out to it, pushed it below the horizon early. I feel the lingering sparkle of her magic. She knows I know she’s back. She must. In some small way, this is her saying she isn’t going to fight me. Not now at least. I whisper a silent thanks to her, wherever she may be. A thanks, and a promise to see her soon.
As soon as I can.
I raise the sun. It’s time for the thousandth Summer Sun Celebration.
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That's fucking deep, dude. I never even thought of that. Part of me hopes it was intentional, but maybe not.
Either way, this story was really good. I wish more stories would be written about Celestia's regret over the Nightmare Moon incident. The show did plenty with Luna's guilt, but I always imagined Celestia spent a thousand years anguishing over it. And every night, when she looked up at the moon, she saw a physical reminder of what she did.
Man I had been waiting for this for a while. It was really interesting to see this from Celestia's PoV and her introspections. I also noticed the mention of Sunset Shimmer, do you have plans to expand on this AU?
10259184
I mean.... If it wasn't intentional, they really lucked out. It just fits so damn well.
10259185
Yes, I do. Maybe not with Sunset directly, but I've got ideas for this world. I've been working on it in the background.
10259200
I'd love to see the moment when *this* Celestia and Luna finally meet again, considering what went on in Queen of Nothing.
10259184
"I must admit that it is wonderful to actually be looking forward to the Summer Sun Celebration.
…...
For my subjects, it has always been a celebration of my defeat of Nightmare Moon. But for me... [sighs] It was just a terrible reminder that I'd had to banish my own sister."
Too demanding? oh celestia i would have thought by now you have had the inner reflection to realize you did the same thing you did to Luna, you pressured her tried to mold sunset into what you needed to fight your battle, and in the end you made another nightmare moon, she had her flaws but it was you that drove through them and shattered her
I thought that Celestia would have a panic when everything went not according to plan, when the moon went down without her participation, and the sister never came to her.
somehow too calmly she accepted the fact that she does not know what to do next.
10259361
It's too easy to push all the blame on Celestia. I'd advise against the urge. Luna is not some helpless infant; she was the one who decided she was more fit to rule by herself. That's why seeing Equestria now hurt her so much. She had concrete proof that the opposite of her claim was true. And she only had this proof because she forced Celestia to step up and be Equestria's sole ruler.
Having said that, Celestia does have an unfortunate weakness when it comes to ponies she wishes to have close to herself. I'm not quite sure why that is, to be honest. It seems they either start to see her as someone to challenge (Luna, Sunset Shimmer) or outsource their sense of self-worth to her (Twilight Sparkle, Blueblood from the looks of it here). Cadance managed to come out of it not much worse for wear... but let's not forget, Cadance is an Alicorn Princess in her own right.
Perhaps there really is something stifling about Celestia's attention. Perhaps it even has to do with Luna and Nightmare Moon. Isn't it possible Celestia, abandoned to guide all their little ponies on her own now, feeling that she had to do everything, and do everything right, began to micromanage those whom she considered friends and family.
I'm wondering what she meant when she said she "needs to do something" about Blueblood. Or if even she knew what she meant.
10261233
i dont really think it was all celestia fault with luna, both had a failure to communicate, in luna case she kept it all bubbled up inside her until it came too much for her and she was overwhelmed, she also isolated herself from her subjects i feel if she gone on a tour of equestria, she found many who not only loved the Luna princess but the night as well, but alas she didn't
And well with celestia in the context of this story she not taking responsibility for her failing, she stifled sunset because she was not a teacher trying to nurture a student but someone creating a solider with specific skills, for a vital mission and that with out telling sunset what it all for, imagine how frustrating that is, for all her talent it was never good enough for celestia, and one of the key aspect needed was friendship, but your cant force someone to make friends
and yet your tried to force her to change into a pony who could
celestia here is blaming her failures on sunset, sunset was the greedy one, the two demanding student, failing to recognize once again she failed she driven a pony away with her failure
if you dont learn from history your doomed to repeat it
10261233
in the case of blue blood i think celestia tried a different approach to Luna, she spoiled him let him have anything he wanted, forgave his transgression. and gave him a massive sense of entitlement, he really does need to be humbled and shown being a honorary prince does not mean you can do whatever you want
so yeah need to fixed pity we never got to see that in canon
I wonder if there will be a sequel to this wonderful story. I would like to see where it leads
Excellent story keep up the good work and do you need eny help cumong up with yor next story idear
10802760
Ohh, believe me, I have plenty of ideas ;)
Sequel ?
Impressive work!
Awesome! Will there be a sequel?