• Member Since 17th Apr, 2012
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vren55


The reason I write is because I want to read a story written for myself. One day, I want to read one of my own stories and say to myself "That is the best story I have ever read."

Comments ( 3 )

I'm really enjoying this story, I haven't read the prequel(s) but the post war setting you've made here is quality. I want to give particular praise to how well you integrated the exposition into the Autumn's narrative. I'm most definitely going to read the prequel(s)

Oh my gosh! I love it.

Btw, i'm sooooo jealous of Starlight in this scene.

This is your official review from Dirty Little Secret's Dirty Little Contest!
Remember to vote in the contest's poll -- voting closes at midnight, June 6th.
And make sure to allow notifications from the contest group and/or follow Dirty Little Secret to get the full results and the awards show post on June 9th!
You can also check the current ranking, thanks to garatheauthor's unofficial ranking of the scores that have been publicized so far.

------ Review ------

Please keep in mind, I know I can be overly critical and negative at times. I can always find something to nitpick, even in the greatest works of literature ever written. Please don't take it personally!
-It's kind of nice that Autumn just goes right in and tells Sunburst, rather than making a whole thing about it like other stories might.
-Luna’s moon -- fanfic cliche.
-trotting through the night a few hours pass -- past? This sentence is a bit strange and confusing.
-his hooves grabbed the kirin’s mare, pulling it -- mane.
-Hoping that the owner was asleep. Autumn tucked herself underneath the -- should be a comma, not a full stop.
-“Then… why are you blushing.” -- needs a question mark.
-If the city is so empty, why doesn't she squat in one of the abandoned houses?
-I'm not sure you really understand what the word 'taint' means...
-Tells feelings instead of showing them sometimes.
-She can afford her own house by singing in a bar, but she can't afford her own house when working as a whore? That's odd ... I would have thought that whoring would be the more lucrative career...
-Groaning, his cock throbbed, -- this is the second story in this contest so far where someone's cock groans.
-Autumn let go of her kiss and bit Starlight’s left ear. Sunburst, pulling Starlight’s hair a bit, seized her left. -- this is pretty complicated and confusing. Are they both biting Glim Glam's left ear? Or is Sunburst biting Autumn's ear?
-Nice pacing, though the orgasms at the very end might be a tad rushed.
-Pretty good job of handling complex emotion, and actually does justice to the topics it deals with.

------ Scores ------

To clarify what these scores mean, check my judging rubric.
Cloppability: 89/100
Allure: 94/100
Enticement: 90/100
Immersion: 94/100
Prose Quality: 80/100
Total Score: 447/500
The more specialized scores for individual prizes, as well as the results of the community poll, will be published when the full results are announced. If this story wins any awards, there will be another post in the story comments sometime after June 9th announcing that this story has won.

Thank you for participating, and thank you for contributing to Fimfic's collection of clop!

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