Pinkie Pie had always thought she was the best party pony, but when Cheese Sandwich shows up at Ponyville, all the ponies and especially her best friends were happy about his presence, and while Pinkie Pie wasn't quite thrilling. She doesn't leave the house, intent on avoiding Cheese Sandwich and the others. But when Pinkie Pie's friends realize that Pinkie Pie has stopped showing up, they get worried and decide to go to Sugarcube Corner. But when they see that Pinkie Pie has a smooth mane and dark pink fur, their friends are worried.
Chapters (4)
Needs to be changed to Yes
No
Go see, she's
9856509
Thanks. I already corrected
So.. I finished this story, just now. And I found a lot of instances where it was tell rather than show. Take this quote, up here. You outright state that Rainbow Dash is confused. That is TELL. However, you can imply the same thing with something like this: Rainbow's brow furrowed. Her muzzle moved silently, eyes searching over her friends just one more time. This would imply, and SHOW, that Rainbow is confused.
That was the majority of what I found - just try to go find some more of these phrases, and see if you can find something to show.
Otherwise, I really like the idea behind the story. .
9890095
revised
Before she hugged her true friends.
Everyone was either out of character, or just very stupid in this story. This really just felt like a rinse and repeat of Party of One. Plus, there are a lot of grammar errors, as though English wasn't the author's first language. I think it could benefit from a complete rewrite.