Crying Over Spilled Frozen Milk
"You just made me drop my FUCKING ICE CREAM!" screamed Pinkie Pie, lifting the pony in front of her by the throat before slamming them head first into the ground. They were surprisingly heavy for an average pony on the street, and upon closer inspection, Pinkie realized she wasn't dealing with a regular unicorn; they had a horn like a unicorn, but also wings like a pegasus. She was dealing with an alicorn.
But they made me drop my ice cream! thought Pinkie. She wanted nothing more than to lean over and stomp on the skull of the alicorn laying on the ground, but something told her that she shouldn't, at least for now.
"Pinkie Pie, may I ask why you just chokeslammed me into the ground?"
Pinkie froze. She knew that voice. "Princess Celestia?"
"No Pinkie, it's your fucking mom. Of course it's me, you dumb piece of shit," said Celestia, pulling herself to her hooves and dusting off her wings. She walked up to Pinkie and stared her down with narrowed eyes. Pinkie gazed back happily at her with a smile on her face, upsetting Celestia even more. The princess lashed out aiming for Pinkie's face, but she blinked in confusion when her hoof met nothing but thin air.
"What are you doing, silly?"
Celestia flinched at the sound of a voice behind her. She hadn't even noticed the pink pony move, but sure enough when she looked ahead, Pinkie was no longer there. "Is this a game to you, Pinkie Pie?" she asked.
Pinkie tilted her head. "Of course not! Games are supposed to be fun, but an old hag like you is so slow that this is more like a chore."
"You a real motherfucker huh, Pinkie Pie?" said Celestia.
"I don't think a princess should be using that kind of language," Pinkie pointed out. "If you come back to the School of Friendship, Twilight and everypony else would be glad to reteach you all the things you've forgotten in your old age!"
"I'M NOT FUCKING OLD, YOU DICK GOBBLING, SHIT-FOR-BRAINS, PUSSY-COLOURED, GAY PIECE OF SHIT!" screamed Celestia. Her face turned red as she spoke, and she swayed back and forth on her hooves. Strangely, it seemed like the ground was rushing up to meet her. Celestia was out before she even hit it.
Pinkie watched the scene with a shrug. "Seniors these days." She lifted Celestia onto her back and cantered back to the Castle of Friendship.
Princess Celestia awoke to the sound of many faint voices, seemingly from another room. Wherever she was, it in some dark room with the door locked from the outside. She pressed her ear against the cold wooden door and listened.
"I... she's... awake, Twilight!"
"Thanks, Pink... I'll go... her now."
A moment later, the door burst open, smashing Celestia in the head and sending her tumbling to the ground. She looked up and saw a blurry purple face. "Princess Celestia, are you awake?"
Celestia groaned, holding her hooves against her pounding head. "Twilight? Yes, I am."
"Good, now you can learn to sit the fuck down." Twilight kicked Celestia in the stomach, causing the older princess to fold up in pain. "Pinkie told me all about what happened and how you called her some disgusting names out of nowhere before collapsing. If I were her, I would have left you dead on the road."
Through all the pain and confusion, Celestia frowned. "Wait, Twilight," she coughed. "That pony isn't what you think she is, and that isn't what happened," she gasped.
"Really? So you're telling me you didn't call her a dick-gobbling, shit-for-brains, pussy-coloured gay piece of shit?" Twilight recited.
"I-I did, but that isn't the whole st--"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" screamed Twilight, slapping the princess in the face. "I've heard enough of your lies. It's clear you aren't fit to be a ruler of Equestria anymore," she said with a sad shake of her head.
"Enough!" shouted Celestia. "Can't you see? She's manipulating you! What really happened was that she bu--"
"Is everything okie dokie in here, Twilight?" It was Pinkie Pie.
Twilight turned to her friend, a frown creasing her brow. "I don't think so, Pinkie. It seems like she's lost it. She says you're manipulating everypony, but I know you wouldn't lie!" Twilight hung her head. Without Princess Celestia to guide her, she felt lost. But then she felt a warm hoof wrap around the back of her neck and she knew she wasn't alone. Together, they could help Celestia.
"I can handle this, Twilight! You go relax with the others," said Pinkie, practically shoving the purple princess out the door. Without giving her a chance to react, she slammed the door shut and turned to Celestia with a devilish smile. "Silly, that was never going to work. Then again, I suppose that old brain of yours must be on its way out."
Celestia let out a primal roar and rushed at Pinkie, but the pink pony slipped away at the last moment, and Celestia crashed head first into the door, dazing herself. "DON'T FUCK WITH ME!" she shouted. Her horn lit up with magical power, and she directed it at Pinkie. "This has gone on long enough. Forgive me, Tia. I have no other choice! Send this bitch to the moon!" Celestia cried and released her magic. The beam shot straight at Pinkie, enveloping her in a myriad of bright coloured magic.
"Ooooh, sparkles!" said Pinkie, her voice distorted by the magic around her. There was a flash, and when the smoke cleared, Pinkie was nowhere to be found.
With a sigh of relief, Celestia headed for the door. That pink pony had uncanny abilities for a seemingly ordinary earth pony, but she was a menace unfit for life in Equestria. She could only hope Twilight and the others would forgive her after. However, to Celestia's horror when she tried the door, it was still locked. "That's impossible!" she exclaimed. The door locked from the outside, and Pinkie had never left the room after kicking Twilight out. She banged desperately on the door. "Twilight? Anypony? HELP!"
And then she heard it. A maniacal laugh that sent shivers down her spine. It was her imagination; it had to be exhaustion. And yet, somehow Celestia knew it wasn't. When she turned around, there would be the pink pony right in front of her face, whispering in her ear...
"That was fun, but now it's time for a real party!"
Celestia screamed.
Pinkie burst out of the room. "She's gone!" she exclaimed.
"Who's gone?" demanded Twilight.
"Celestia! She cast a spell on me, and then she disappeared!"
Pinkie suppressed a giggle as Twilight threw the door open for inspection. "Um Pinkie, why is there a knife and red stuff everywhere in here?" asked the princess.
"Oh, I just wanted to show Celestia how to use food colouring, but she disappeared before I could!"
Twilight nodded. "Oh well, who cares about Celestia? Pinkie Pie, I declare you the new ruler of Equestria in Celestia's place!"
"FUCK YEAH!" screamed Pinkie Pie.
And they all lived happily ever after
hiii everypony!!! 
i am so sory i havint posted in a really long time 
it has bin a wile since i last posted something for u all i know it is becuz i have started watching sumthing called animay or whatever it is called um it is all very interesting and stuff if any of u have any recomendashions can u plz comment them in the comments section have a beautiful day everypony i will try to right more regularly for u all
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- TheRedBirdWhoTypes · 1.6k words · 123 4 · 2.5k views
- Krieg cormac · 24k words · 117 10 · 2.7k views
- EquineWhoDoesStuff · 13k words · 375 142 · 3.1k views
- kudzuhaiku · 119k words · 265 23 · 2.8k views
- KorenCZ11 · 155k words · 36 0 · 953 views
- Wearin Hat · 134k words · 243 17 · 3.6k views
- The Voice in the Water · 337k words · 551 5 · 8k views
- Revel Montaro · 80k words · 238 9 · 4.5k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.099 seconds
Total duration
1,048 users online
1,966,660 hits today, 2,167,270 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
media.giphy.com/media/ygqMjv2x8KSxW/giphy.gif
... Seriously? We wouldn't do that. And why does everypony think I'm a serial killer?!?!
It's ok, Mena. Calm down. And person who wrote this, I would never do that to Princess Celestia. Only Mena could.
Okay... Let's get straight to the point. By now almost everybody here knows that you are a troll, dispite you denying it every single time. Stop being coy with us. Your avatar literally has the trollface in it.
I still haven't gotten over your last story yet... That ending was bucking terrible.
9646451
did u read my story!!?? 
ummmm im not sure why u r saying this???
um i culd try to get my dad to give me an idea if u want!!
9646486
You are amazing my friend.
stares at cover art
stares at past cover arts
cdn-img.fimfiction.net/story/iyx8-1556168618-437798-full
cdn-img.fimfiction.net/story/xl4d-1556996210-437969-full
cdn-img.fimfiction.net/story/8t1g-1557509895-439175-full
stares back at this story's cover art
cdn-img.fimfiction.net/story/85b4-1558986118-439810-full
Wow Sonic_Applejack2005
I'm actually disappointed.
9646499
This is the best one obviously...
cdn-img.fimfiction.net/story/511w-1539467119-422225-medium
*laughs hysterically to hide the pain*
*laughs even more hysterically to hide the pain*
*help this isn't working*
Here we go again...
9646451
And unfortunately being an absolute troll isn't something that will get you banned from the site. It should be of course.
The site would be much cleaner if the admins would update the ban policy.
9646501
Talk about OOC.
"animay"? For real??
Okay man, now you ain't even trying
Is this a trollfic? Or is it some Wiseau-style 'masterpiece?'
9646649
Wiseau, I suspect.
9646658
I did naht drop your ice cream! Eet's naht troo! Eet's bawlshit! I did naaaaaaht! Oh, hi Mawrk.
9646553
What would constitute "being a troll" for the purposes of banning? Would I be banned too, then, for my content? Because it's not palatable? Where would the line be drawn? Why not just let people have creative freedom, even if you dislike what they create? Why censor people for having a different sense of humor than you?
9646673
Well, diving TOO deep into sensitive subjects seems to be the problem.
9646667
All we need is a character trying to push another off a building, and then make up within seconds.
9646680
Different people have different ideas of what "too deep" is, though. Fuzzy rules like that make for needlessly complicated problems, when a simple solution is "if you don't like it, you don't have to read it". Moderators already deal with enough crap without having to go through someone's work to decide whether or not they're trolling. It's not always clear cut.
9646701
True.
9646682
Fuck me! Wouldn't it be awesome if someone wrote a version of The Room that was in Equestria Girls instead of San Francisco? That would be the best thing ever! What if Derpy Hooves was Denny and Photo Finish was Johnny? Pinkie and Cheese Sandwich could be Brad and Michelle! Who would be Mark? Damn I wish I was a better writer, or I'd do it myself! But I have ADHD so it might actually help!
9646706
Say no more. I'm in.
9646553
Better than clopfic number 400023 and cute slice of life fic number 2010001
9646710
I would but I don't think I'd finish it. I almost never finish anything I draw and half the time I don't remember where I left my pencil crayons to finish it. I'd probably never finish writing a whole story.
so um dose anypony have any Japinese shows or books they recomend
9646736
I may give it a shot.
9646741
Try Cory in the House. I hear it's a good one.
9646759
thank u for beeing the only person to help me
Did anybody call FEMA after this natural disaster hit?
9646553
To be fair tho, this guy consistently pumps out a fuck-load of content. At this point, any bona fide troll would have given up
9646553
Sounds like censorship.
This is great, haven't seen one of these badfics since back in the day. Good 'ol like to dislike ratio, the perfect reaction images and gifs, even the witty remarks about the user and story itself.
The worst thing about this somehow isn't the OOC cast or profanity-laced dialogue, but using gay as an insult. Troll or no, some boundaries aren't crossed, "humor" or not.
Lol. The story’s a teen rating, yet he still gets away with putting a whole bunch of swear words. Saying just about every word known to man from the book while it’s a teen rating. Has fim changed it to where you can do that, or does it have to be a mature rating, completely?
9647672
I dunno. It's not considered every word in the book unless someone throws out twatwaffle.
9646831
Could they clean this one up?
9647450
You've summed this author up better than J ever could.
9647672
Teen stories can have profanity (a few of mine do, but mostly words like damn and hell). Overuse of profanity can make it innefective.
😑
9648073
That's a calm response to this.
9647918
No they could not. It would take decades.
9648577
Right.
9648596
Thousands are dead.
And we did nothing.
9648603
God. shall we go an poke the art on the new story?
9648619
Oh fuck yes. I thought you would never ask.
Let us be away!
9648623
Hurrah!
9647100
Except none are any good. If this thing cared, there would be an improvement by now.
9647919
Might I ask who J is?
9648964
Sorry, wrong key. I meant to put 'I'.
9648974
Oh haha, gotcha.