A dark wizard accidently casts a spell where four guys from different worlds show up unexpectedly and try to get back to their own worlds. But the wizard believes they could be of some use to him and are trapped. Now they must work together to defeat the wizard or else they'll be stuck forever.
This definitely seems like an interesting crossover, though I have no real experience with Miraculous Ladybug or WordGirl. Still, I'm interested to see where this goes!
Aw, darn it! He was THIS close to admitting his feelings! Oh well, I'm interested to see where this goes!
So far, your OC is kinda bland. He is in dire need of character. Give us some flaws, goals, perhaps problems he is facing, insecurities he might have. You say he’s becoming a wizard. Cool. Why is he bothering? What’s in it for him? What’s he hoping to accomplish at the end of the day? Is it to be admired, to attain knowledge in order to control the world around him, gain riches, does he have a desperate need to prove something? Here, you just have he's an apprentice and he's good at magic.
You're also doing a lot of telling, not enough showing. Example
Never tell us a character is evil, show us he's evil. (Best example I have would be the Shoe Dip scene in Roger Rabbit. No one needs to say it, we know Judge Doom is Evil Incarnate) This is what actions and thoughts are for, to show us, the readers what people are. (Last paragraph not included because it was not something any human would really think unless there was something very wrong with them.) Also the reveal of the love interest and their falling out needs more build up, and should not begin with "Needless to say". That information is very much needed to be known. Maybe even save it for a little later. This is only the intro chapter after all, don't be telling us everything.
Now for the opening paragraph:
From the get go, prose seems to be your biggest problem. It really needs work. I can only say read books and look up what prose is. If you haven’t, read Heart of Darkness or The Lord of the Rings trilogy & the Hobbit, pick it up if you ever get a chance. They're great. Tolkien, IMO, is prose pro.
Just a question i have, What's your character actually doing? He’s casting a spell sure, but what is the spell? Say everything goes off without a hitch, what should the result be? You leave that out, and the next time the spell is mentioned, he messes up and summons a very… diverse cast of characters.
Other things: Never all cap dialogue. It’s childish. The “!” exists for a reason.
Also, never use the “!” outside of dialogue, like in the Discord chapter. That was just bad writing. Showing the scene could have easily replaced the “!”.
World building: Because it's important to every story. Magic needs rules, and the world you create needs life. Think about what clothes are considered normal for this world. If I go there tomorrow, am I going to be in Robes, a tunic, jeans, plain trousers? Would I dress more like Aragorn, Frodo, Link from The Legend of Zelda, or would I dress like a someone out of Final Fantasy 13/15 or Kingdom Hearts with lots and lots of unnecessary zippers?
Next comes magic. Are there limits to magic? What's needed to cast a spell? Can I spam magic, or do I need MP to use it? Is a cauldron needed? If I don’t have the right amount of ingredients in your character’s case, or I don’t have the needed MP, are there any consequences to me casting a spell or will nothing happen? Consider the reversal spell. Is that just a one stop spell for reversing literally all spells ever made, or is it one of many reversal spells because every spell has an accompanying or discover-able reversal spell? If the latter, considering your OC messed, does he require a different, new incantation to reverse what he did?
Then for the very last paragraph, I feel like you’re on the right track with it, but the execution needs work. Can you yourself actually see someone thinking this? The thought seems very inorganic.
Not to say you need all of the aforementioned in the very first, real chapter, just something to consider.
Interesting so far, I love Nick and Discord they are definitely among my favourite characters for their respective movie/series so I can’t wait to see interactions between the two
Never really watched the other two shows though but ok I’m looking forward to seeing where this goes
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Okay, I find it interesting that you would find my OC bland, and you make some good points but why do I need to show he's evil when it's been mentioned of how he became evil? The audience would get lost on who this character was if I didn't tell about his backstory in the beginning like I did with the others, it's suppose to show they have common ground and that it would play a role later. So don't just assume I don't have a plan for my character when it's actually coming later. We're only in the first chapters of the story after all. Oh and the spell was mainly used as a plot device to get the others to meet. Look, I don't claim to be a great writer but I believe I'm a fairly decent one and honestly fanfiction is meant to be for fun so please don't take this so seriously.
Okay, some of these characters are honestly more sympathetic than others, but you did get me to genuinely feel bad for all of them.
NO! I mean, I'm honestly rather indifferent to Fluttercord, but the fanfics do make them work, and gosh, he was just so close, and I now I feel sorry for him.
Okay, I'm kinda regretting reading this chapter because I'm still feeling really sad for him, considering what happened in the season 2 finale. It's not your writing's fault. It's just that everything about Adrien's life makes me sad.
Oh my! This is an interesting take. I did have a thing for Word Girl back in the day, but I didn't really watch it regularly.
Oh dear.
No, no, no! Bad OC, bad! "whacks Damon with a newspaper"
Oh, I totally feel you guys.
Man, I feel SO BAD for all four of them. Man, I never thought I'd say that about Tobey McAllister.
WHAT?! CN12, what are you up to?
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Trust me, if you had seen the later episodes with Tobey, then you would know that there is a heart of gold within the boy genius, all the more reason I'm having him meet four others like himself. Plus if you look at the ships regarding all four fandoms, they're the most popular.
Tobecky
The Miraculous Love Square
Fluttercord
WildeHopps
Honestly I find it very interesting of how all four of these ship couples are very similar to one another and they're all made by different companies and creators!
No, they won't! You're making a terrible mistake. Don't do it.
You know, I was questioning how Discord would know what a kwami was, but then, I realized it's Discord. Of course, he would know.
So, by the end of all this, are Adrien, Marinette, and Becky's secrets going to be out or is it going to be back to the status quo for these three?
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If I told you that would be giving it away.
Oh, Discord, you sly fox! Pun not intended.
Actually, there's six of you, so that would make you 1/6 a savior in math terms.
I know this is the lazy person's way out, but you could always have Ladybug use Lucky Charm. Speaking of which, did you remember to pack cookies?
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I debated her saying 1/6 but I didn't think that would work for Fluttershy and it's not because she's not smart. I just don't see her as someone who likes to use math, that's more Twilight's thing.
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Okay, fine, I don't see her pony self like to use math unlike her human self.
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I thought that's what might have been going on. That comment was just my inner Twilight talking.
Why did the artist draw Chat so huge? Wait, is this dream going to continue? Is dream!Chat going to turn into dream!Adrien?
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I really don't know. When I pictured Chat as a Beast I wasn't thinking of that artwork at all, I mainly just wanted to show the common link between all four fandoms here. As for your question, well, you'll just have to wait and see like always.
"whacks Damon with newspaper" No! Bad OC!
Also, did Adrien have cheese on him before they fled from the dark wizard? Just saying, he might need it.
Wow! Just wow!
Woohoo! Way to go, Discord! Wait. Is each guy going to play a role in helping the others past the next tests like Discord did in this one?
Oh my gosh! I love Pride and Prejudice.
YES! They found each other. Now what?
Well, so much for an early reveal. Aww, that boy is too pure.
Dang! At least we got one superhero pairing straightened out.
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Actually it's more of a superheroxvillain pairing, though now with Tobey being a good guy I guess it's more of an alienxhuman pairing.
Dang! You're going all rapid-fire with the pair ups, aren't you? All that's left is the two-person love square and Fluttercord.
HDUSHSVSSHSH great story! I can’t wait for more!
At first i didn’t wanna read it since i don’t really watch word girl anymore and i’ve never watched miraculous ladybug but this is amazing! Good job!
It's a nice fun filler chapter. Though judging by that ending, something big is about to go down next.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! IT'S HAPPENING! Oh my gosh! It's happening!
And I'm (figuratively) dead. I'm now (figuratively) a ghost. This is a (figurative) ghost comment.