• Member Since 12th Mar, 2018
  • offline last seen 14 minutes ago

harlock5399


Just another guy that wants to write and i have never been one for grammer so please try to look past it

Comments ( 476 )

Congratulations, your Story is now officially readable on fimfiction.

9183157
wtf you said that this story was placed before the main 6 were born!?

9183193
This is not my Story, my other story was published on my account. Here is my Story: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/417917/a-rewritten-past

*says in a thick Chinese accent* Interesting

ok.. I JUST taged this story to keep an eye on.. AND IT ALREADY UPDATES! what luck is THAT?!

I am going to try to add a chapter every day or two and I will try to tell you guys if there is something comes up to puts a little hold on my story for a bit

Comment posted by Aerigim deleted Nov 21st, 2018

Most of this chapter is just a copy/paste of cannon events, all of which our MC was neither there for nor really effected by. I skipped all but the last two or three paragraphs since I've read these events time and time again.
There's no need to make carbon copies of episodes, we know what happened. Basic rule of thumb I see all the time: These sorts of chapters are only necessary if there is a difference in personality from cannon or if the main character influences or is influenced by events. You could have saved an entire page+ of space and time just by cutting to when the main 6 reach the castle.

9185244
I had to do that or my story would not have been posted

9185244
the rest of my chapter's I will try to be more original but I had had to make that one like the show so I had to make it that way

9185314
also not all of it is the same if you pay close attain and watch the show at the same time you might spot them

It’s a downvote from me, sorry. Even setting aside the barrage of grammatical errors, there’s just nothing interesting or unique about this; It’s a paint-by-numbers displaced fic. I bet I can call the sequence of events by reading other stories.

9185543
this is the first story I have ever written before so give me some credit

9185311
Except you could of did something else instead of following the famous 'follow the mlp script/plot/timeline' that everyone already knows. Trust me, NEVER copy the mlp script even if it is just pieces, it can kill the interest of the reader and you're only cheating yourself as a writer. Try to derail from timeline, try to go an alternative route type of deal where the future is changed by the main character's actions/presence.

9185939
Oh I'm giving you credit alright cause I could not write any sort of good story I would probably make a Gary Stu (mary sue) story.
This, this is awesome and immediately caught my attention

It's the second chapter and you're already making a fool out of BlueBlood just couldn't help yourself

9186048
you have to admit he is easy to make a fool out of

welp.... introducing shining dick.

9186957
hey dude are you gonna have caribou killing in this :pinkiecrazy:

I wanted to be a little more original so I changed how a few of the characters act

9187630
maybe I don't know yet I might though

9187634
It's true though... this is way past being protective.

*TEXT TO SPEECH DEVICE STARTS* AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! SHINING DICK HE GOT

DEMOTED AH!



WHELP THAT


ASSASSIN IS GONNA GET A NASTY SUPRISE IN FORM OF BRANDING :pinkiecrazy:

9187643
IK i'm still laughing at him being demoted


THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU DISOBEY YOUR SUPERIORS AND HE JUST GOT OFF EASY


IF THIS WAS A 21 CENTURY HUMAN COUNTRY HE WOULD BE ETHER DISHONORABLY DISCHARGED OR FACE COURT MARITAL

9187670
Indeed, and then there is the pay cut.... can't afford an to expensive ring now can he?
i.imgflip.com/nx63t.jpg

9187670
I was going to kick him out of the royal guard but i changed my mind and demoted him

9187673
I WOULD HAVE LOVE TO SEE HIM GET KICKED OUT

what he did almost treason for going against the princess's commands

9187681
Oh trust me he will get what is coming to him soon enough

9187684
so will you be going with a just a hint of don't get cocky in shining armor being: tribalist, speciesist, and a right zealot arse

Not bad, a little fast in the story's progress. And Talion has no true purpose so far, so its hard to judge if the story got a future or not. But we will see in the future.

O and last chapter had a lot of long "URL" and got pretty hard to read on a mobile device.

9187736
maybe don't get cocky and don't underestimate were my favorite story's before they were removed

9187743
yes the goal of the story will be made clear when twilight becomes a alicorn I can not give to much information though but it does have a goal

9187736
I am not lifeless shining armor… just deathless.

9187775
Yup that’s something I feel Talion would say

I asked him curiously"Do you have the reaper guns from overwatch?"

REAPER MAIN INTENSIFIES

I want to visit ponyville with out being seen so this should be useful as I laid down of the bed and concentrated ion my shadow I separated from my body and became a shadowy version of my self as I leaped through the window and made my way to town

On

And this story is amazing!:pinkiehappy: i myself am a really lazy and a shitty writer.

I made my way p to her tower where I saw here in her room teaching twilight lesson's on magic but I saw celestia tense up when I entered the room but she looked around and saw nothing. Celestia was wearing a white dress as she was pointing to a board behind her while her rainbow mane blow in the nonexistent wind and floated in the air.

"Up" and "her" not "here"
Sorry for commenting so much:twilightblush:

As we went to the park to check on the music we heard the birds singing in the distance as we made our ways toward it we says a Pegasus having the birds practicing for the celebration she was wearing a green hoddy that hid her hug breasts and a pair of shorts https://img00.deviantart.net/5e6e/i/2015/154/d/a/commission__anthro_rainbow_dash_by_ambris-d8vwxgm.png

It shows RD again... And not flutters

So it's one of these stories. I think there is a little too many of these "hero" fanfics, its so hard to find some good "evil" fanfics here

As I walked through the forest we reached our destination a complete replica of minas ithil complete with catapults ballista's and trebuchet's. Https://assets.vg247.com/current/2017/04/middle_earth_shadow_of_war.jpg

The links don't work

Actually none of the links work

9188250
You have to copy the entire link that includes the http at the start

I will upload my next chapter tomorrow I wanted to take a break today but I have already started

Also I have a surprise for my next chapter it involves the assassin identity you will be surprised who it is

Well, so far this story is, passable however I would strongly suggest leaving all of the links out of your story or better yet use the link feature to make the links text, so instead of:

"My lord" I heard behind me as I turned my head to see my captain of the guard I created to think for himself so he can defend the city if I am away at the moment.
https://i.pinimg.com/564x/46/90/8e/46908e575dad4695a7cff25ba2ec7d7f.jpg

It’s

"My lord" I heard behind me as I turned my head to see my captain of the guard I created to think for himself so he can defend the city if I am away at the moment.

Shining armor dick is hire and the story is going to fast take your time make the story don't go super fast take time making it
:twilightsmile:

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