• Member Since 12th Mar, 2018
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

harlock5399


Just another guy that wants to write and i have never been one for grammer so please try to look past it

Comments ( 119 )
Comment posted by Jhoira deleted May 17th, 2019

9627987
and the next chapter is almost finished almost 5000 word already

9627987
Silly Jhoira, there is an edit button.

9628003
yup i have had a lot of time to work on this lately

9628006
Hehe, yeah that occurred to me after I did it, hehe.

9628003
so what do you think of the first chapter

9628023
Not done reading it, I'm multitasking, hehe.

Dame that is some good stuff

Crossover tag is needed.

This needs... heavy editing. Like, there's a lot of basic stuff you missed just off the bat here in the description alone that does not give me high hopes for the story as a whole.

Some basic tips: always end a sentence with some form of punctuation, typically a period; start every sentence with a capital letter.

read before reading if you have watched the show and wonder why I don't always make him say the incantation for the titans to appear it is because they don't need to say it there are many occasions where they just say the name or something different to invoke them even a dog could summon a titan and the guy explained the titans took it as a emotional response and also their was guy that could invoke them without talking and he could also use powers without talking

Oh dear. You need quite a few commas at the very least in here, and even then that would make it a block of extraneous text and run-on sentences that really should go in the author's notes of the story. At the very least, you can use [ hr ] (with no spaces between the brackets and the letters) to create a break in the text that signifies this is not part of the story synopsis.


Like this. ^

I would suggest just getting rid of that text block entirely.

You should also capitalize every word in a chapter title as well. Also, it helps to have punctuation (typically a colon) after "Chapter [#]".

Like this: "Chapter 1: The Beginning" (that's also an incredibly lackluster and boring title chapter but that's the least of the issues here).

Hopefully this helped somewhat!

9628525
sorry for the description but I knew I was going to get a lot people that have watched the show saying how I am wrong and shit like that so i had to tell why i am doing some thing how I do them

You know out of all the Huntik type shows my favorite was always kaijudo, you ever see that?
Hey, I just thought of something, what about a story where all of that comes together and all the weird card game worlds meet and the names just keep getting worse as the fic goes on. it starts off as pokemon and the characters say "ok that doesn't sound too odd" and then it just gets ridiculous with kaijudo and they say "wow that is a stupid name how much more ridiculous can it get?" Suddenly out from the distence they see it... slugterra.

That was amazing I've been hoping someone would make a huntik displaced

Comment posted by ShadowSpectrumSwordtails deleted May 22nd, 2019

9642993
I am doing it but i am have a little trouble with the newest chapter i know what i want to happen but i am have trouble writing it but i am making progress

9642993
I am over 2100 right now

sorry if it is taking longer than usual this chapter is longer than expected

can anyone tell me on how to publish a story please?

Comment posted by harlock5399 deleted Jun 5th, 2019

9662080
It is simple if you are on a computer if you hover your mouse over your name there will be a thing that says stories click it then click new story from there you can figure it out easily if not you can message me and i can walk through it

What is this a crossover of?

9670152
huntik secrets and seekers

You do realize that dead bodies generally takes a few days for a dead body to start decomposing right? Even if is sense of smell was enhanced all he would be getting from the dead diamond dogs would be the smell of blood.

9676516
I never said he could smell rotting corpses but he could smell the blood

9676558
The way you wrote it sounded a hell of a lot less like he smelled blood and way more like he smelled rotting corpses.
Also I have to ask, is your spell check or keyboard broken? Some of your words seem to be missing letters like you just didn’t type them.

9676595
Sorry i only just noticed that when i copy this from a doc it doesnt alwas copy all of it i will go through the chapters to see what i can find sorry about that

9676595
And dont you think the diamond dogs would stink becuse they not only live in a cave but do you think they have access to much water to be able to wash themselves

Is English your first language? I’m honestly curious. There are a lot of people who need proofreaders at the absolute minimum and lessons in basic literacy at worst. I wouldn’t say your story is horribly written but when you see stuff like

“What do it does.” Celestia asked and I frowned when she said it.

I have to wonder if the person who wrote it is dyslexic, distracted, or understood what they wrote.

I know 35,000 is nothing to sneeze at but it seems rather underwhelming for how big Twilight said the amount Celeista would give him would be. I am kind of just assuming that bits are comparable to dollars but even if bits are worth more, the way Twilight said the treasure would be worth more money than the nobles have, 35,000 is a pittance for how much they talked up the amount.

Bahahaha 20 Sekhemet amulets the two he already has are a hand full so he doesn't need a whole pride of them trying to jump his bones.

9681566
Hey at least it's not a Forrest of dark dryads

9681656
Sekhmets are worse they are very possive and they are insatiable and like i said before they sexually punished her till she passed out and then it is likly they did each till they were satisfied so it is possible they might fight each other over him or fight the other female titans and dark dryad was more than willing to share while they want him to themselves

9681663
The only Sekhemet that is not all lovey dovey is the powerbonded one.

9681669
Well he see that Sekhmet as his last connection to his father

9681663
The point is that he would never be able to rest for at lease a good week trying to satisfy them all but that's just my opinion

9681703
The titans he has now or the 20 Sekhmets or 22 counting the ones in his herd already

9681710
Exactly that Sekhmets but also so that as you said that they would punish the dryads because then every Sekhmets would have a dryer to punish

9681733
They punished one dryad and i dont think i will put 20 Dark Dryads down there and even of there was he wouldn't take them just like he didnt take the Sekhmet's

9681733
And i don't think there is a bed big enough to hold 40 titans

9681740
I know it was a joke and sorry for changing my mind so many times

Why not make a chapter where you get some of other titans like gremlow for messing with raity or find ashes amulet and give her to one of the sisters

Comment posted by harlock5399 deleted Jun 25th, 2019

9697793
The princesses have tried bonding with amulets and the other amulets are being held by the nemesis order

9697793
And he already has maube more than thirty titans plus one of them can make endless minions

9697878
Ya but gremlow is the rat from the Hamlin legend and ash is literally a ash mummy

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