• Member Since 24th Sep, 2017
  • offline last seen 6 minutes ago

CommanderApplejack


I'm Commander Applejack, and this is my favorite website on the internet

T

Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria, there was a tyrant who would sat on the throne of Equestria but under the leadership of Princess Platinum the third, a unicorn rebellion dethroned the tyrant and established the UNICORN EMPIRE showing once and for all the superiority of UNICORNS over lonesome mud-ponies or mutated chickens!


A thousand year has passed since the fall of the tyrant and now a prophecy is coming true, what will Twilight do as she finds long-held beliefs shattered?

[29/3/2020] I'm going to rework the chapters and improve them, I'm busy with my other stories but I do want to finish this one.

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 24 )

Is this a Game of Thrones crossover?

Captain Armor, Dou you understand your task?

Do.

Really liking this so far.

Please update that is interesting .

Glad to know your still alive. Looking forward to next chapter!

This is an interesting story so far, but I feel that there is far too little lore to build the world and not enough backstory for the characters to make it truly outstanding.

9246373
I can see where you're coming from, and my gut feeling agrees with you.
But, at the pace the story is being written, I'd be gone after the 3rd chapter discribes the same feast. I'd return when this gets a complete tag though.
Show don't tell is working for me so far.

When will the story about how the unicorns hurt Luna be revealed?

9249305
Isn't luna defeated by "Tyrant elder sister", before the unicorns even entered the picture?

9250017
History was written by the victors. The bat ponies mention celestia lost the will to continue ruling.
so not the full story been told, plus sure the top unicorns are muddling history to stay in charge.

9250151
Who knows. What is the truth?
The narrator? Starswirl the Bearded? The empress’s father? The Day-mother?

all reasonably trustworthy sources.

We have not established the narrator as honest or omniscient.

We have not verified the authenticity of Stars Swirls scroll. I mean someone or something planted that scroll for them to find. Who? Why? (Celestia, to save luna?)

Who knows what happened in that 900 year game of telephone.

Can we trust this day-mother? Can we verify her story? We know the vamponies are probably honest or are somehow unaffected by applejacks ability. But they are not primary sources. Trust but verify!

Well, that is going to make for awkward dinner conversation after this is all over assuming Shining is still alive when this is all over.

earthpony capitol

Capital.

Two of the tree smaller crystals

Three.

Finally, an update.
I'd feed you some criticism if I had any.
Instead, have a compliment: Great story so far.

"So you're finally awake."

"Tried to cross the boarder right?"

"Walked right into that imperial ambush same as us..."

A unicorn stood in the middle of a burnt encampment surveying the damage done by the dragon whose corpse now lay in the middle of the camp.

Well at least Alduin's not a problem anymore...

There are always patterns, if you know what to watch for. Should've burned the bodies.

"You have a duty as a serf to report any suspicious ponies to the authorities." He said with an icy voice, "Punishment for not complying with this law is death."

"W-What!" Rivet stammered but was held in place by two unicorns.

"With the authority granted to me by the Empress, you have been condemned to death." Shining stated as he grabbed a spear with his magic and threw it at the stallion, impaling him.

You want a peasant revolt? That's how you get a peasant revolt. Eventually things will get to the point where they burn their fields rather than feed you, and then where will you be?

I hope they didn't pay that idiot too much, one should never hire an assassin that tries to take the first opportunity. It's bad tradecraft.

Hehe, a black bug what could that possibly be?

All this intertribal acrimony is bad for business, a 'ling can barely get a decent bite to eat anymore.

Ahh, always a bit sad to reach the end of a wonderful, yet unfinished story. I don't really comment often but I have to say I enjoyed that story very much so far and will defiantly look forward to the next chapter! And those appendixes!

The story itself did a great job grabbing my attention from the start and I managed to finish it all today! I love how the characters fit into the world you've crafted and I adore how Rarity is still good! I've seen a few too many who have made her rather nasty unfortunately and I adore her character! I also love the idea that Celestia disguised herself to teach the foals of the Empire! It completely suits her and I hope to find out more!

One thing I will say is don't be afraid to use an occasional flashback, or center in a characters point of view. It can make situations much tenser and more emotional, and make the reader care about the outcome more than if they were outside the situation. Think of the scene with Twilight and the Bomb! Imagine for that scene the readers were being shown Twilights point of view for it! Her noticing something off about the desk and immediately on guard, we get to see the thoughts racing through her head as she examines and the slight but clearly distinct terror as she realizes what's going on the and the spike of panic as she finds the bomb. Her training and natural twilightness kicking in and her instantly moving into "I have to protect everyone" mode and her shock and confusion when Celestia shows and and the moment the nickname clicks in her mind! It'd be wonderful! Absolutely amazing!
Ahh! I'm sorry rambled a bit there but! Point still stands? Anyway I adore this story and I can't wait to see more!

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