Thunderlane finds himself in a sudden friendship with the daredevil mare Lightning Dust. It would be fine if he didn't felt way more for her than a friend should. Fortunately he has a few plans in mind to work this out.
Unfortunately for him, Lightning's plans are mostly about getting herself killed.
Page generated in 0.096 seconds
Total duration
951 users online
375,861 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
derpicdn.net/img/view/2017/3/16/1388868.png
9159634
OH gawd. That already XDXD
Oh boy.
A pretty good start. I am interested in this concept, although this chapter could use some editing work - there's a few typos and some words missing here and there. Nothing major, but it does jar the flow of the story a little bit.
Still interested to see what'll happen with Thunderlane and Lightning Dust. ^_^
9184166
Thanks!
Hum... I might be in the need of an editor. I barely got time for writing as it is, also weights the fact I write for other franchises. I will see what I can do in that regard. Much appreciated.
Nice work again. I really liked the stuff with Rumble embarrassing his big brother here. XD
But again, reading this, I do think you need someone to run an editing pass on this. In particular, besides a few typos, the use of contractions in this is pretty wonky. For example, Rumble saying "I will gather my things," that just sounds too formal for a kid, who's been woken up because of shouting from downstairs. Try something more like "O-kay... I'll get my stuff," or something. (General rule of thumb, most people usually do not say "I will" when it could simply be "I'll".)
9185019
I do agree with you there. I fumbled things a bit with the add of another character. Yes, I do need an editor. :,( Thanks again!
Hmm.... This is nice :3 Looking forward to see how this develops xD
And oh my, I can't believe I never realized the names before.... Lightning (dust), Rumble, and Thunder(lane) ..... Well then! I now have some fun dysfunctional family scenes to ponder in my head XD I'm REALLY looking forward to see what you'll do with this story XD Also really hope you'll toss in some wonderful slice of life moments :3
Alright, I'll keep an eye on this, it looks like an keeper.
I really loved the scene with LD and her teammates. That was some good hilarity there. Nice work with Rolling Thunder's accent, by the way. ^_^
Hmm, interesting chapter. I did not expect you to bring up the Weather Factory incident with Dash here, I must say. Though I have some mixed feelings about it: on the one hand, yes, it makes a good point, that Rainbow did a very selfish and idiotic thing, but on the other hand, saying that Thunderlane and Cloud Kicker lost all respect for her and Twilight just doesn't feel right for the setting of Equestria. Like it or not, ponies are a VERY forgiving bunch, and to have this whole "that was the day he lost any and all respect for Rainbow Dash" line kinda feels like an accusation fic. (And btw, having Twilight apparently nearly zap Thunderlane in the past feels WAY out of character, even if he said something harsh. That would be a reaction I'd expect out of Starlight Glimmer or someone far more impulsive than the freaking Princess of Friendship.)
Apologies for the lengthy paragraph above. That's not to mean that I think that this chapter is BAD at all. There's stuff in here I really liked: Cloud Kicker's conversation with Thunderlane was a highlight, and I must admit I did nod in approval at Kicker calling out Dash for not noticing, well, anything about Thunderlane's home life and situation there. (Even if the f-bombs do feel a bit jarring with the ponies XD) And again with the final scene, I really like the way you write LD and Rolling Thunder. The latter's accent feels really natural and well-done, which can be very hard for a writer to get right.
9315505
First. Thank you :)
Eh. I did not meant to make accusation chapter. More like more of a personal thing, how Thunderlane interprets that past situation, it's his own personal view in regards to Rainbow's action. I couldn't exactly portray a way to conflict views on that matter between Kicker and Thunder. Also that 'Twilight might've zapped him' it's just in his own mind. He really doesn't know Twilight enough to expect a more 'friendly' outcome. He might think that criticizing her friends might warrant some kind of punishment, but it's not really what would happen. That's Thunderlane being himself, it's how he sees the world around him and I cannot change his biased opinions without some out-of-place argument on that matter.
Also the harshness is just him being on edge, I wouldn't blame him, and ponies being a forgiving bunch....eh, there are limits.
I rather not write exactly as the show goes. Otherwise it wouldn't be much of a story.
And thanks and sorry for the F-bombs, but then profanity and T tags, lol. :P
Rolling Thunder is growing on me, Ah may be sum huge fan of her hindah. ☻
9315553
All right then, that's fair. I see your point, I guess I got a bit suspicious over seeing both Thunderlane and Cloud Kicker being that way over Dash. Admittedly, they both have reason to do so, but... whatever. XD We're good here.
I can definitely see why you're growing fond of Rolling Thunder, btw. She really is a fun character.
Boy... I'm not really liking the rainbow dash in this story. She's kindof a jerk.
9358330
Hum....since this story has a view point going in between Thunderlane and Lightning, it will seem as such due their grievances towards her.Not to mention Rainbow herself isn't at her best when interacting with any of these two specific ponies.
Pretty good stuff in this chapter. Admittedly there are a few typos here and there, namely some words missing. The very first sentence should read "There are moments in life" but it says "There moments"...
That being said, I still think was pretty good work. I quite enjoyed the conversation between Thunderlane and LD, and the look into Dust's thoughts and feelings too. And the joke at the end was pretty hilarious too. XD
9443900
Hum....yep. I'm still debating on having an editor or not. I'm constantly changing stuff in the chapters so my focus is somewhere else. The problem with editors is that they annoy the heck out of me :(
But thanks anyways. Next chapter is ready but I will try to be less 'typorial' with it. :P
Pretty good stuff here. I got a kick out of Lightning "nope"-ing it out of there once Thunderlane got pissed at Cloud Kicker XD
9509060
Initially I had a different setting in mind, but I had to split this chapter to make the changes necessary for the next season. Hopefully I won't mess the storyline too much.
Good work with this chapter. I liked the joke towards the end of the scene with Lightning and Cloud Kicker, that was an unexpected discovery that Lightning had her helmet on the whole time there but it was a funny discovery XD
And also, the conclusion of this was appropriately dramatic. Oh, Thunderlane… well, now he's out and said it. Now let's see how THIS affects Lightning and what her response will be...
"Wiseful" is not a word. Probably just use "wise" for that one. There's some other typos here and there, but that was the one that really leapt out the most to me.
Now then, onto the chapter itself. I liked it pretty well, it made for an interesting twist on the actual Washouts episode, which was good. Rainbow and Lightning are both getting some interesting new perspective, which is kind of impressive considering their mutual hardheadedness.
9685093
Hum.....perhaps my auto corrector is pulling my leg then. :P
And, yeah, I don't feel like I could portray both in that sense. The show has it that way cause, I don't know, they both have to be complete opposite I guess. I never understood these two in that sense to be honest. I feel they could get along without the excessive tunnel vision they have about how the world works.
And thanks! :) Next updates might take a bit further than I expected due remaking some scenes to adapt to the last season events.
Good story. I like this pairing, and it's rather well written.
Just, something. You might wanna add a sex tag. Considering all the, well, you know. Sex talk.
9777307
Thanks!
Hum... do I? I mean I rated the story T and isn't exactly explicit talk. I will look into it.
Sorry for the delay in reading this. I liked this chapter! Nice to see more relationship stuff between Lightning and Thunderlane, and this plan about the Wonderbolts sounds interesting.
I'm literally just logging back onto this site for the first time since 2014. And I came back on here just to say that I've really been in enjoying your story here. I've been reading it since the very beginning and I also think that Thunderlane and Lightning Dust are a good ship! I saw you said that life issues were the reasons for the slow updates, I just hope everything is going smoothly with you. :)
Ok now back to the story, Really good chapter btw. :) Now what shocked me the most was the fact that Thunderlane only gets paid 200 a month??? Like seriously how the hell can anypony live off of that? He may as well just stayed on the weather team in my in my opinion if he's just making that much. (FYI im taking a total guess on what he made while he was on the weather team.) Now the first thing that came to mind was 'Ok so what the hell is Rainbow Dash, Spitfire, Soarin' etc are making??' While Thunderlane is making pocket change. Me personally I wouldn't want to be a Wonderbolt making only 200 a month, Even though he's only flown one show like he mentioned in this chapter. "Spitfire you should be a damn shame of yourself.."
FYI Lightning Dust is on my Top 10 list of Hottest mares in all of Equestria ~ She got that big athletic booty! 😁
9800885
Oh, wow, many thanks! 2014??? Woah :0
Welcome back!
And, yeah. Life issues. Considering my situation I would trade for Thunderlane's pay without hesitation. Better than nothing. :P
I wil try to speed up on updates, though I've been holding off some chapters due the last season of the show.
9801760
You're most welcome. :) Yeah I read on here a lot but just never bothered to log in. I literally just finished Fallout Equestria back in June and really enjoyed it. :)
I just hope everything gets better for you in the end, And I remembered you saying that actually. That you were basically waiting the seasons out just so you could continue the chapters. I'm honestly just glad they finally brought her back after a pretty much five year absence, I even had theories on why she behaves the way see does. But the way you portray her is just interesting to me, Plus I actually like her shipped with Thunderlane. Can't wait for the next chapter! 😎
Its over
9881921
The show?
Yeah, it is.
But this World still lives :)
9884196
Huh.. good
ITS ALIVE
it’s parent is dead
BUT ITS ALIVE
The ending of this chapter made me chuckle. Oh, Lightning... XD
Spitfire isn't going to be happy about Thunderlane bringing the Captain of the Washout to the form, right?
It’s back! Yay
Solid work as always. Though it needs an editing pass, mainly just for some minor stuff, no real major typos.
This was definitly worth the wait.
THAT'S RUMBLE'S, I SWEAR!
S'il vous plaît, pas de quiproquos entre Thunderlane et Lightning parce Rainbow est dans sa chambre avec des magazines et objets douteux.
Ne faite pas ça, sérieusement
10010447
Je ne comprends pas
10010488
Oh ok
I did not Google translate that. I used the dying embers of high school French to understand that
Damn. That was a dramatic turn of events, Thunder and Twilight.
I'm still not a fan of the way that he treats her, it just strikes me as too, I dunno, inappropriate for mots ponies in Equestria, but this is your story.
Although that ending...
Great story so far, hope to see it updated soon!
10134303
Yeah, I'm struggling about updates. I'm loaded with work and other fanfics. I will try asap. Thanks!
Good chapter, let's continu.
A story where Thunderlane is main is a story i follow. Plus i like the ThunderDust ship (ans also ThunderDash that i see during RD feels).
It's good to see another chapter of this story. I'm really glad that the major characters are starting to settle this in a mature way - even if Thunderlane was the one to do most of the pushing on that regard. XD
Do Short Fuse and Rolling Thunder appear in this story?
10300892
They already did early chapters.
NIce to see a new Chapter.
Thunder Dash is a verry unusual ship, but I think it's a nice one.
Please keep up this great work.
9159634
Lightning Dust blushing is just too cute