I never thought it would end like this...
I thought she loved me...
Why does it hurt so much?
Why?
When love ends, what is left for the broken hearted? Can Thunderlane move past the pain from a string of recent relationships gone bad and find the light of love again, or will his life remain shrouded in the dull, dreary half light of an overcast sky?
Special thanks to my prereaders ChaoticHarmony, JetGrey, and Teal-Tome.
Huge thanks to Seto1337 on deviantART for the coverart. He's an great friend and amazing artist. I highly recommend you check out some of his other work.
Chapters (1)
Manly tears bro, manly tears
Bravo!
I like this story a lot, and not just because it has thunderlane (although I probably would have upvoted it even if it was bad, because cmon, thunderlane). The only thing that bothered me was that LD didn't seem too lightning dusty. She's enters and exits the show as a character who is brash and doesn't learn from her mistakes. We see her bravado as a positive force on thunderlane when she snaps him out of it and again when she's upfront about breaking up, both of which are in character, but the fact that a villian from the show does only relatively good things without any character development is a bit of a problem. It might have been better if we saw how LDs' personality led to her breaking up with TL. As it is, her reason for breaking up is adequate, but it might be a missed opportunity for her negative qualities to show.
Raindrops coming in was abrupt, but there's not much you can do about that in a short story. It might have been a good idea to show how TL's appearance as a mare's stallion was what kept raindrops away for so long. This would have also contrasted nicely with the reality of TL not actually having good relationships.
Now this was highly unexpected. Excellent story. I'm a huge fan of Lightning Dust, and this was a really nice way of seeing her. The only real problem I see is that the reader has to make some implied character development. Other than that and a few minor hiccups when dealing with grammar and spelling it was a phenomenal story.
And you know what? The quality of this story was worlds ahead of what I've come to expect from second stories. You're going to be big on this site one day, so I'll be one of the earlier people to follow you. I can't wait to see what it is you decide to write next. Keep up the great writing!
~SolidFire
You know, this was pretty good.
The dialogue was a little bit too repetative for my liking, I realise you were probably really trying to drive home his self-depricating thoughts and behavior but I fell it was over done a bit. Though the ending was kind, sweet even.
I think maybe it would have been interesting to see his recovery a bit, see a few days where he and RainDrops are just friends and helping each other out, where Dusty comes back and they get a chance and apologizing and burying the hatchet and it helps him see that he is lucky to have RainDrops or some such thing.
Hell that could even be a sequel or whatever you see it as.
Either way, I did enjoy this fiction, it was a bit lacking in substance and rushed but damned if It didnt totally earn my upvote.
Good luck with your future projects.
I enjoyed this quite a bit. It's a perfect, bittersweet love story that goes where you're not expecting.
Oh, sorry for being such a moment-ruiner, but I can see Drops cheating on him right now. I'd like that as a sequel, I dont know why, but I like sad stuff...great story though ;)
This was so good
that was amazing!!!!! I was so close to crying!
Oh dear celestia I'm favouriting this story, for two reasons
1: Thunderlane is an adorable, quirky, lover. I wish I were his coltfriend (If he is bi!). Though imagining him crying hurts me a lot. And that's great all these moments where love is shattered. And you've added a fresh new ship to my inventory.
2: I have the same issues in my life though usually consisting of painful crushes that I could never confess to. I was like a rusting bridge. One by one the cables snap and split. Then my world or roadway would plummet into a sea of despair. The sea I'm trying not to drown in as of right now. Thanks for the tear jerking.
You can has review!
I like this ship so much! Hope you make more of this
It's a typo on the name
"to avoid hurting you"