Washout For Your Feelings

by Beakwood

Cutting The Ties That Bind

"Wait, you want to do what?!"

"Wasn't I clear enough? I want to talk with her. I... look, we gonna have this job and I can't just do it with this weirdness going on."

"That is surprising, considering how much you're always at odds with her, to the point it gets heated up really quick. What's next? Going to talk with your cousin too?"

"Don't push it! This is a totally different thing!"

"How so? He's a Wonderbolt.... well, cadet, but still. You can't just look the other way for the rest of your life."

"Nothing is stopping me from trying."

"Dustyyyyy."

"One thing at a time, okay? I already have enough of a headache with Spitfire."

Thunderlane chuckled, shaking his head as he watched the mare poke her waffles with a lazy hoof, a thoughtful expression on her face. Last night had been very eventful for the both of them, the stallion still in a bit of a daze from what transpired. He hasn't felt this light, and considerably sore, in ages. Suddenly his perception of everything felt different, in a way he wasn't sure to describe yet. Dusty, despite sounding annoyed while talking about getting her relationship regarding Spitfire on a more stable ground, seemed fairly cheerful, smiling very often ever since they awoke about an hour ago.

Thunderlane could only tell he was feeling rather elated at that moment, something he hasn't felt in a long time. It surprised him how something like 'physical bounding' could get the mood up so spontaneously. He chuckled while messing with a rather rusty frying pan, his pancake went airborne for a couple seconds before landing back into it with a flat splat.

"Say, why you learned to cook?" Lightning asked as she watched him enjoying himself near the stove.

"Oh, back at the Wonderbolts. They tend to rotate whoever cooks in the team for the week. I wasn't really a fan of it, but my first time went really well. So much that it was pretty much the only time I can remember Spitfire giving me a compliment of sorts. The others were just so glad they actually got to eat something that was edible for once, although I may have surpassed expectations by a huge margin." He replied with a sizable smile on his face, brightening at one of the few good memories he had as a Wonderbolt. "They begged me to keep on it for the rest of my career... come to think of it. I guess the ones who stayed are not looking forward for the next chef, heh."

"Well, they shouldn't have treated you like crap, at least not Spitfire. Say, are you sure about leaving the Wonderbolts? That kinda seemed like a big deal for you."

"Again this? Kind of late for having second thoughts, no? I made my mind about it. Besides... the only reason I joined the Wonderbolts was to... was because of my father." He finished on a less joyful mood. Lightning winced when she realized where the conversation entered. "I always looked up to him when I was a kid, I dreamed of doing the same as he did, make him proud of... yeah. That kind of stuff."

The kitchen went quiet, only the sound of Thunderlane cooking his breakfast broke the awkward silence. Dusty stared at the stallion with uncertainty. She was wondering for how long they would keep dancing around that devastating topic about his parents, she was unsure if him opening up about it would ever happen, unless Thunder felt compelled to do it somehow. She had an idea of what to do, but it would require her talking about things she loathed the mere thought of.

"Say, I never talked with you about my... family."

"Besides your cousin?" He quipped with some humor, although she could tell he sounded a bit troubled. Thunderlane was more than aware that Lightning didn't have the best of parents, but he never was able to tell how bad it went. "Not really, why you say so?"

Dust took a deep breath. As much she wanted to keep the good mood up, it would never bring them any peace of mind to not address their personal problems. She had been running away from her past for a long time, but now being in a relationship of this kind would link them closer to such issues than anything else could. She's at a dead end with another pony that is struggling to look back. It was about time she came clean about it.

"Well, there's a reason I hate him, especially after being raised alongside his stupid face for so many years." She started with a forced smile. "Him and his brothers, I... kinda felt bad for him at first. His mom and dad never really gave him any credit or attention as much they did for, well, me." At that point Dust couldn't help but feel a little guilty. "Not like I wanted the attention, but I was younger and more on the need of it. He was the oldest one and was on the empty end of things. At least he got Vapor to cheer him up, so I didn't feel too bad about it. Besides, his parents were not exactly the greatest ever, but decent enough to not let me starve to death or something."

Thunderlane returned to the table with his pancakes, he took a seat across the mare, watching as her attention deviated elsewhere. He wasn't sure why she was looking far off, perhaps it made easier for her to describe those events without distractions of any sort.

"So I guess I should get to the point of why I ended up with my cousins." She said, her face darkening considerably. "Needless to say, I was very young when it happened, and got lucky that I was not at home when it did happen."

Thunderlane felt a terrible sense of familiarity as Dust described the next event. His body went rigid as many horrible scenarios played on his mind. Lightning sighed heavily, looking very hesitant to continue her tale.

"I mean... sometimes I wonder how upset I should feel about it. I... barely remember her face. Or how she sounded. Thunder... am I a horrible pony for not feeling devasted about that kind of loss?" She asked, looking seriously concerned.

"What?!" Thunderlane was stunned she would even think such of herself. "Of course not! You cannot be blamed for barely remembering anything about them." Dust scoffed.

"Yeah, I mean, not them. Just her, because fuck that motherfucker."

Thunderlane blinked not once, twice, but several times.

"...huh?" Lightning's expression was one of pure grimace, she looked back at him with a tired look.

"My... father... he killed my mother."

Thunderlane didn't say anything. He didn't think. He barely took a breath. He merely stared, looking into her soul as if begging for it to be a misunderstanding. Those words did not make sense to him, how could they even be real? What was even happening? His brain refused to work, because there was nothing even slightly rational about what he just heard.

"What... what are you saying?" Thunder barely recognized his own voice, it sounded raspy and like he was about to choke. Dust shrugged uncomfortably, and that kind of reaction finally got him to get his act together. "Dusty, you can't just shrug that off! He killed her?! What?! Why?!!"

"How the fuck do I know, Thunder?!" She immediately snapped back, which made him shut up right away. Yet, the incredulity on his face never melted away. She let out a snarl of frustration, hating herself for not acting more serious on that matter. She should've know that Thunderlane would get upset about it, pretending to not make a big deal out of it wouldn't fly with him at all.

The stallion shook his head. There were so many things he wanted to say but, considering that hardly anything said about it would even matter at this point, he wasn't sure how to proceed. He said whatever came to mind first, even if there was not much to it.

"So... that's why you lived with your aunts." He concluded with a depressive sigh. Dust nodded, clearly looking very uneasy and it was no wonder why. "Before... all of that. How was y-

"It was good when my mom was around, but when she wasn't..." Dust paused again, she bit the inside of her cheek while thinking how to put into words the events of her fillyhood. "He was never the best example of parenting, if that's what you're wondering. I got beat up a few times, especially when he got his face full of cider."

Thunderlane wondered if his jaw already made contact with the floor. Never, in his entire life, he would think of a pony doing such things with any of his own kind. A grow stallion beating up a filly sounded beyond absurd, it made no sense and he wasn't sure how that even came to be. This wasn't a thing that should ever happen in Equestria.

It seemed some of his skepticism must've reached his expression, Dust's frown deepened as she glanced at him briefly.

"Yeah, I know that face. Oh, my! How could such horrible thing even happen in this perfect Celestial land! " Lightning mocked with a rather awful whinny voice. "Because it fucking happens, rarely but it does. It's not like anypony would ever want to publish or talk about that shit for the the whole fucking land to learn of it anyway. I would be surprised if Celestia even knew any of that happens, she would probably throw a fit." Dust snorted.

Thunderlane didn't think any of it was even remotely funny, but he refrained from chastising her attitude, it is not his place to judge how she addresses her own past.

"But why are we event talking about this shit again? Oh, right. Cause I wanted to come clear about this before asking you. Say, I hope ya don't mind."

The stallion blinked, caught by surprise that the topic turned around into him instead.

"What... do you want to know?" He asked hesitantly. Dust raised an eyebrow, wondering if he was trying to stall the conversation.

"What else? About your family, silly. Yeah, I get it is a fucking sad thing to talk about!" She immediately cut off any attempts of deflection of the topic, she was going to be crude about it because she had enough of him running away from saying anything whenever she asked. "I fucking get it, okay? Thunder... fuck, we love each other, right?"

That got his attention for sure, he found enough courage to look her in the eyes. He nodded meekly, finally accepting that there was nowhere to run. It was time he came clean about his own past.

"We do." He replied quietly, which made Lightning slightly concerned.

"Well, then trust me about it. I care so much about you that I just told you something that I rather take with me to my grave. You said this was about trust, no secrets or any other crap. You said we have to be honest with each other. Then, please, tell me what happened." She pleaded to him, which only made the stallion's conscience weight ten times more.

"Well, it happened a few years after we first met, remember? Junior Speedsters and all of that." He started slowly, to which the mare nodded quickly. "Yeah, we used to live on a house at the ground, not a cloud like most Pegasus, sort of like you said your aunts do. Dad... he was a hotshot for the Wonderbolts at the time, he met my mother a few years after he graduated the academy. She worked on Weather Control at Canterlot, like, she was the head of Weather Management. How did they meet? Well, I don't really remember how, that part of the story was always vague when I asked. Something about a gala, then talking with each other on pure coincidence, then something about an hotel later on."

"Oh, wow. Your dad was kind of a player in all senses then." She couldn't help but say it out loud. Thunderlane smiled for a moment before returning to his stoic expression.

"I wish that was the case. They just got overworked with cider." He said, to which Lightning frowned at immediately. Thunder sighed heavily. He was never a stallion of cider as most around his age, the stuff never really draw him at all, he wasn't sure why most adult ponies made such a big deal out of it. "So they slept and... whatever happened then, they decided to start meeting each other, but under secrecy."

"Why? I don't see the point of hiding a relationship." Dust quickly asked, puzzled at the strange action taken by his parents. Thunder would agree, but then he was still not done talking that part.

"Huh, my dad was a big deal in the Wonderbolts at the time, and my mother... well, she was supposed to be marrying another pony."

"... holy shit. Your dad was fucking screwed then."

Thunderlane sighed. Yes, his dad screwed up big time back then. Yet, his mother seemed to recall that tale with lots of humor whenever they got around talking about it when Thunder was a little colt. He would eventually learn that his mother loathed the idea of marrying a pony she never really cared for, but was obliged to because of family connections at the higher up class.

"Well, he would've been. Mom was bent on being with him though. Her family would be furious about it, but she made up some story about moving out of town and finding a new path in career. Needless to say she got away from that engagement pretty quick. She got a job at Rainbow Falls... yeah. Wasn't as popular as it is today, but still really good for events and other important stuff. Weather around those parts was always a bit strange, just like the Everfree Forest. We tend to struggle with weather most of the time here. Things start happening on their own." The stallion couldn't help the wince at reminding some particular nasty thunderstorms and blizzards. How a forest could make random horrible winter weather he wasn't sure to this day. "So she got set in there really quick, her experience helped a lot of residents living on a hill village nearby, which so happened to be the place my family would be settling our home, right at the base."

Thunderlane let out another sigh. He was pondering how far he could get before feeling himself getting emotionally stuck.

"Dad was doing fine as a Wonderbolt, but he didn't want folks to know he was married. If my mother's family found out it would cause a ton of trouble, so she made him promise to keep it a secret. At least for a few years. Well, they had me after their married few years later. I still don't know how nopony found out about it when they were at the hospital. I think my dad probably paid a lot of ponies to keep it quiet. So, when growing up, I..."

Thunderlane started to feel his throat choking up, his voice faltered. He averted his eyes away from Dust, trying his best to hide away his pain. Thinking back about his family always hurt so much, and he wasn't even sure if he can do it without crumbling. Dust seemed to notice his distress. She let out a sigh, giving him a firm glance.

"S-Sorry." He excused himself.

"Hey... if you don't think you're ready... don't do it, okay? I can wait. If you promise you will tell me. No hurries, I understand." She said with surprisingly amiability. "At least you loved them a lot, just like they did you. I don't know what is like to feel that kind of loss, so... yeah. Whenever you feel okay, we can talk."

Thunderlane nodded, feeling both ashamed and sorrowful by his inability to deal with such memories. He felt a hoof gently press his cheeck, his eyes found Dusty's, the mare a few inches away from his face. She smiled before planting a kiss on his muzzle. The stallion appreciated the gesture immensely, for such would be very rare coming from the likes of her, despite their current relationship.

"Say, how about we hit town and look around, I'm not very familiar with the place still." Lightning suggested after they separated. "I could use knowing where to buy stuff when I'm in need."

Thunderlane tilted his head slightly, somewhat confused.

"Huh? Are you staying in town?"

"Yeah, got into a inn a few days back. I don't really wanna stay there for too long since it's the place that Rolling and Shorty are also staying before all our sets are moved to next town. At least it was our set, now is theirs, cause their sorry asses cannot get over themselves." Dust huffed, annoyed with her initial Washouts colleagues being so dense about her decision to mix in with the Wonderbolts. She smiled all of sudden, a challenging glare in her eyes. "Race ya around town?" That got Thunderlane's mood up a bit.

"Really, this early? I can get quite noisy and not everypony is an early riser. Say, aren't you sore from... you know." He coughed a bit, which earned him an eye roll from the mare.

"No, and you could use the extra exercises. If you wanna put up with my team's schedule for next season, you better start working out a bit harder, and it isn't about training." She said with a grin before booping his floppy belly with a hoof. The stallion frowned, partially annoyed and frustrated. "You can do a lot better, that's for sure."

"Fine." He relented begrudgingly. "I gotta work on Rumble's breakfast.

"Wasn't he at a friend's house?" The stallion shrugged.

"He will be here soon. He knows I make pancakes in this particular day of the week. Unlikely to miss if he can. Say, how about we t-

Thunderlane stopped as, again, knocks on his front door echoed across the hallway. Both ponies rolled their eyes at the interruption.

"Who the fuck is this time?" Lightning shook her head, jumping from her seat and darting her wings, zipping at dangerous speed towards the entrance. Thunderlane merely saw her disappear before turning back to the stove to resume his task. "Is fucking Sunday, it's fucking six in the morning, do you have issues?!"

Thunderlane paused, surprised by the shouting. He listened for any exchange of words but nothing else was said. Before he could decide to move towards the front door Lightning appeared at the kitchen door, followed closely by...

Thunderlane gaped in shock at the unexpected visitor.

"G-Gilda?!"

There stood the female griffon he saw a few years ago, looking somewhat annoyed but also anxious as she set her golden eyes towards his figure. She seemed as powerful, sleek and intimidating as the first time he saw her, but that aura of hostility she carried seemed to have lessened to an extent. Without waiting for an invitation she took a seat at the kitchen table, crossing her arms while glancing around, mildly curious by the stallion's kitchen.

"Long time no see." She said somewhat gruffly, pointing a talon towards Dust. "This one here has some energy, I gotta give you that. Not bad." She said in approval. "How you doing? Still having your ass dragged by Dash?"

"Huh, no... not really." Thunderlane replied slowly, still trying to grasp his head around seeing her all of sudden. "Say, I guess Gilda already introduced herself?" He asked towards an intrigued Lightning. She chuckled.

"Of course, good thing you mentioned her. She wasn't getting through that door otherwise." Dust replied with a confident grin. Gilda flipped her off uncaringly. "She's cool though. Can we keep her?"

"Fuck off." Gilda replied, in between amused and aggravated. "I ain't here for your sappy shit. I just got here this early cause Gabby got sick and couldn't deliver the mail, so I'm covering for her." She said with a tired sigh. "Fucking worst decision ever, this job sucks big time. I don't get how she takes it and is so happy about it. What a loony."

"How often we get mail from Griffinstone anyway?" Thunderlane asked before adding. "Pancakes?" Gilda paused, giving him a doubtful look before shrugging.

"Sure, why not. If I'm here I will take anything. Been flying for damn five hours, next time I'm sitting my ass in the train. I hoped to cut time by going straight, but that was not the best idea ever, fuck me. As for how often anyone writes anything, it pretty much is just me writing to Dash, so I'm kinda just doing it myself. What about you? Did you get into the Wonderbolts? Dash mentioned you one time, heh, she was upset you got to make the cut and not Cloud Chunker or whatever."

"Oh, Chaser, yeah. She's really good. I guess I got lucky, well, not really. I'm not in their group anymore." Thunderlane replied, flipping another pancake in the pan. "Dusty has her own team so me and few others joined hers. We are going to do some events and try new stuff with the Bolts. Lots of things happened actually, so I can fill you later if you want."

"Sounds good. I'm hitting Dash first though." Gilda replied, she yawned rather dramatically. "Shit, I'm wasted. I gotta hit a bed soon."

"You... errr, have bits to stay anywhere?" Thunderlane fumbled his words a bit. He was perfectly aware of how bad griffons have it in terms of finances. The griffon shrugged.

"I can take any cloud just fine. Really don't care for the fancy stuff. They make better beds than what these grounded ponies use." She replied sleepily. "Say, how long you been dating this green one?"

"About few weeks actually." Thunderlane replied with a smile. Gilda snorted.

"Damn, this town is drowning with mares and it took you this long? Must be a bunch of crazy around here." Thunderlane laughed a bit.

"Yeah, that's cause you haven't met Cloud Kicker yet. She ain't that crazy, but can get to you really quick."

"You can say that again. She's kinda creeps me out at times and I'm very open about stuff." Lightning added her two bits into the conversation. "Well, mostly."

"Huh, sounds fun. I will think about it. Say, how it's stuff with Dash? I will meet her later, but I would like anything off in advance. You know, just because." Gilda added and it was telling she seemed a bit uncomfortable. Thunder knew exactly why.

"No, she's not being overzealous about anything lately, well, besides Scootaloo." Thunderlane replied, which allowed the griffon to sigh in relief. "Just keep her away from us if you can. Dust and her don't really see eye to eye. They had a falling out few years back, just like you had with Rainbow."

Gilda switched her attention towards the turquoise mare, a glance of sympathy being shared.

"Shit, you too? Yeah, that kinda sucks big time. At least I don't think you two were friends for too long."

"Correction, we never were friends. That was nothing but an impression." Dust said with some irritation. Gilda nodded, she understood the mare's anger perfectly. "I don't seek to make amends with her about that, I moved on. That's it." The griffon was slightly impressed.

"I wish I could be this bold about my feelings back then. But... when you don't really have anyone to rely on, it's kinda hard to let go of them. I was at fault anyways so I couldn't really blame Dash for that mess." Gilda sighed heavily. "I know I say a lot of shit about you ponies, but there's times I wish I was one instead. Being a griffon sucks most of the time."

"Really? You look pretty cool to me." Dust said, confused about why Gilda would want to be anything else.

"Well, girl, when you get to know the life I had, you would rather deal with ten Dashies than a pissed of griffon." Gilda paused, looking back at Thunder with a smirk on her beak. "Say, you still got that honeymoon?"

Thunderlane tried his best to not drop the pan as he fought a fit of laughter from erupting from his chest.

"Gilda, don't!"

"But it tasted so sweet with yo-

"NOPE!"

Author's Note:

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Comments

[Silent Wing]

Happy to see you writing again. Was a good chapter as well, thought now I will probably need to reread the entire story again to make all the right connections. However, with a story this good, I am glad to finally have an excuse for doing so again.

[Beakwood]

11747300
Yeah, it's been a long time. I've been focusing mostly on the stuff I have on FanFiction. Writing has become... I don't know. I don't feel the joy I used to from it. It sort of just happens. I do it for the sake of what I already did, not because I truly want to. I'm feeling a bit at loss about many things lately. A lack of expectancy about life in general perhaps, not really sure. This story I already have a middle and end, but not sure how long it will take to get there. I'm glad I did what it has been done, just don't know yet if I truly want to end it.

[Silent Wing]

11747323
Up for almost 30 hours now since I couldn't control myself and spent the night rereading this story Instead of sleeping. Though, I don't regret it one bit

[Omegafr]

glad to see this story up to date again, more of the past revealed and a new character in the equation now who will surely be less of a problem than others. Don't worry about how long it takes, or even if you don't finish this story one day, just write when you feel like it.