Chapter 4: Picking at Embers
Chapter 4: Picking at Embers Story
by TheSecretBrony
Thanks to Brony2893 for helping with the edit and for proofreading.
Spike had a little spring in his step, the birds were singing, the sun was bright and he had the whole day to do whatever he wanted, wherever. Fluttershy, Twilight, and the rest of the girls were busy planning the schedule for their sleepover at a cafe on the other side of town. Initially Spike was disappointed when he was informed that the event was ‘Mares Only’, Twilight was always leaving him out of stuff. Though knowing what Twilight could be like with schedules, he was a little relieved. Hopefully she had learned something from Applejack’s little mishap at the Family reunion. Social gatherings were supposed to flow naturally, not follow a strict timeline. In all honesty though, Spike had no clue how he should spend his afternoon, and then it hit him.
Hard.
His only warning being the shrill shrieks of three foals and an orange blur, Spike found himself being crushed beneath the wheels of a wagon. The occupants had relocated to a nearby bush, and the driver having only been saved through their reflexes. Slightly stunned, Spike could only just hear the shouting match that followed.
"Scootaloo, are you crazy?" Sweetie Belle said, shoving her friend on the shoulder.
Scootaloo started stomping her hooves on the ground and kicking up dust. "Hey, don't yell at me like that, I didn't see him!"
"Not see him?" Sweetie pointed a hoof at Spike from behind the bush. "How could you not see him? He's a dragon for Celstia's sake, kinda hard to miss!"
"Hey, don't start, you’re the one who makes me drive you guys everywhere." Scootaloo shot back.
"You call that driving?!" Sweetie retorted.
Having regained his senses, Spike peeled the wagon off of his face and threw it away. The first thing he saw was Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle about to trade blows, the latter practically screaming. Off to one side he could see another victim, not Applebloom but a pinto pony whom he recognized to be young Pipsqueak, rubbing his head and looking bemused at the pair. From his expression and the slight tinge of fear he could see in the young colt's eyes, Spike knew he probably wouldn't dare try to intervene. Spike sighed, it looked like the responsibility fell to him. He put his fingers in his mouth and blew. The high pitched whistle did the trick as he managed to grab their attention.
"Good you've shut up," Spike said cheerfully, hearing a sigh of relief from the young Pipsqueak. "Now, do you girls want to tell me why I just got flattened?" He said irritably.
Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle shared a quick glance at each other before looking down at the ground.
"Sorry, Spike" Scootaloo apologized meekly. "It's just we were showing Pip what we do, what with Applebloom having to stay home we were lacking a crusader. Pip's the only other blank flank in town, so we thought he could join. I guess we just got carried away." Scootaloo looked away whilst rubbing her forelegs.
Sweetie Belle nodded vigorously. "It's true, we promise!"
Spike shrugged, he'd be more mad had he'd not done his fair share of stupid stuff before.
Heh, Rainbow is still mad at me for that! Don’t know why though, we managed to get the glue off.
"Alright, alright, just do me and everyone else a favor and slow down okay, not everyone has scales to protect them, speaking of which are you three okay?" He asked, Pip having taken his place beside Scootaloo and Sweetie. The trio examined themselves for any scrapes or bruises, when Sweetie Belle let out a groan. Concerned, Spike walked towards her as she pulled her crusader cape off her shoulders, holding it up for Spike to see.
"I've ruined my cape! How can I be a crusader without a cape!?" She whined. Sure enough, a large jagged tear down the middle threatened to split the cape in half. Judging from the frayed edges, it appeared as though she'd caught it on a twig.
Pip smiled and put a hoof on her shoulder "It's okay Sweetie!" he said "I don't have a cape and I'm still a crusader, right? Besides, your sister can fix it in no time!" Rather than her cheering up as Spike had expected, Sweetie Belle dropped to her haunches.
"She won't fix it," Sweetie grumbled.
Spike nodded knowingly "Yep, Rarity's been cooped up in the boutique these past few weeks, whatever she's working on must be huge, huh?" Sweetie looked at Spike with a confused look.
"Working on what? She hasn't had any customers, Spike."
He was taken back at this "What!? Then what has she been doing all this time?"
Sweetie shrugged. "Don't know, she's just locks herself in her room all day. She gets food delivered and she keeps turning away customers."
Spike looked at her wide eyed, and spoke with an increasing amount of concern."And this doesn't worry you, not in the slightest? That doesn't sound at all like Rarity. Did something happen?" Sweetie looked hurt at the dragon’s words.
"Hey!" shouted Scootaloo, "She does care, but every time we try to see what's wrong, Rarity just starts shouting and slams the door in our faces!" Sweetie nodded slowly in agreement, before sniffling and wiping her eyes.
Spike stopped for a moment to let it all sink in. This was troublesome, maybe more than he'd initially thought.
"Sorry, but this sounds bad. Sweetie, has she said anything about why she's in there?"
"No." Sweetie stood up. "I can't understand a word, but I think, I think she's been crying, a lot."
What in Equestria could do that, I've never seen Rarity cry over anything...Unless—
The image of a certain red stallion flickered in Spike's mind. Big Macintosh and Rarity had been seeing each other in secret. Even now, Spike and for some reason Pinkie, were the only ones who knew, when Spike had found out he'd overheard them having an arguement about...
Oh no!
Snapping to attention, Spike approached Scootaloo. "How quickly can you get across town?"
"I thought you wanted me to slow down? Whatever, I can get across town..." Scootaloo grinned smugly, "In-"
"Say ten seconds flat and I'm gonna bop you." Sweetie said.
"Im'ma still think it!" She said sticking out her tongue. "Why?"
"I need you to deliver a message to Twilight and the others, they're over at that new cafe near the lake. Tell them to get over to the boutique as quickly as possible, I'm going on ahead." Spike started to run off, Scootaloo whizzed around the front and cut him off.
"Hold up, can't you send messages? Why should I go?"
"My messages only go to the Princess, besides you owe me." He said pointing to the site of the crash where Pipsqueak and Sweetie Belle were busily picking twigs out of their manes.
"Oh yeah, heh, my bad. Alright but just this once. Cutie Mark Crusaders Couriers go!" After righting the wagon and ensuring both Pip and Sweetie were holding on tight, Scootaloo whizzed off, once again becoming a blur.
I really hope I'm wrong, but if I'm not one thing's for certain... This is going to be a long day.
Spike had been in Ponyville for a few years now, but this was the first time he was actually afraid to approach Carousel Boutique. As it loomed over the horizon, he gulped. To the passersby it was just another building, albeit slightly more grand than those surrounding it. Spike slowed as he approached. A closed sign was hung from the door, written in a hurried scrawl, not Rarity's usually elegant curvature. The curtains were still drawn, the front door was locked. However that didn't deter him, having been here more than enough Spike had no difficulty getting inside. Rarity always hid the spare key to the back door leading into the kitchen, in one of the window boxes.
He paused, should he do this? Technically he'd broken in, even if it was with a key. If he was wrong, or Sweetie was lying, Rarity would be furious. Spike quickly regained his composure ,however when he saw the piles of takeaway boxes stacked up beside the bin and saw the tattered, mismatched dresses desecrating the dress-forms, and the cobwebs that clung to the ceiling. Even if he was wrong about why, Spike was now certain.
Rarity had snapped.
The boutique was dark, making finding his way around slightly difficult. He knew the layout of the boutique like the back of his claw, but still found himself bumping into things. He made his way across the room, tripping and slipping as he did so. This was wrong, so very wrong. He wondered how Sweetie Belle coped, she couldn't possibly be living here, not in these conditions. He guessed she must have been sleeping over at Scootaloo's house.
Sending for help was a smart move. Coming here alone, less so. Spike made it about halfway up the stairs when one of the steps creaked. He could hear a mare shouting in response.
"Sweetie, I told you no! Go and play with your friends or something, just leave me alone!"
Unperturbed, Spike continue until he reached Rarity's door. This was it, time for him to see just what Rarity had become. He thought it funny, now he was shaking, him, a dragon, shaking.
Oh come on, grow up! After all, what's the worst that could happen?
He knocked on the door. It was flung open with such tremendous force that Spike had to jump back to avoid being slammed into the wall.
"I’ve already told you once to leave me alone Sweetie—" he stopped when she realized that instead of her younger sister, she was shouting at. "...Spike?"
Spike took a moment to assess the situation. Was Rarity mad? Well she was just shouting like a maniac, and she looks a mess. Check. Was she mad at him? Judging from her sudden silence, no. Was he freaked out? A little. Final question: what should he do now?
"Hey Rarit-ack!" Before he'd even finished speaking, Rarity had wrapped her hooves around his neck, pulled him in and slammed the door behind them.
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"So girls, what do you think, are you excited?" Twilight asked, beaming.
"I don't know..." Fluttershy trailed off, unsure.
"Yeah I mean I've heard about girls doing weird stuff at sleepovers but still..." Rainbow Dash said.
"Come on, we're all good friends here right?" Twilight asked.
"Well yeah, but still, it seems like it might makes things a little, awkward." Rainbow Dash replied.
"Can't we do like makeovers and stuff?" Fluttershy offered.
"Yeah, I mean come on, even I'd rather have a makeover than do... that. " Rainbow confessed.
"Ah don't know I mean it could be fun?" Applejack murmured, idly twirling the straw in her drink.
"Yeah I know, but it's like we're mares, I don't think it's normal for us to do that." Rainbow Dash pointed out.
"Come on girls," Twilight moaned "I've never had the chance to do this with anypony before." She looked eagerly between her friends, their faces a mixture of confusion, disgust, curiosity and for some reason Pinkie Pie was shuddering again. Seeing that nopony shared her optimism, her head hit the table.
Fluttershy patted her on the back. "Sorry Twilight, I just don't think ‘Dungeons and Diamond Dogs’ is right for us."
Twilight lifted her head from the table and started nibbling on her sandwich with a sour expression, when suddenly she heard someone calling her name.
"Twilight!" Scootaloo came to a skidding halt in front of the table, slightly damaged wagon still in tow.
"Hey squirt what’s up?" Rainbow asked the young pegasus. The two unfortunate passengers pulled themselves off the bottom of the wagon’s interior.
"My blood pressure?" Pipsqueak said before rushing off inside, his face green with nausea. Startled ponies could be heard inside as Pip steered his way to the closest restroom, his unsteady legs unfortunately carrying him into the ladies room.
Ignoring the screams, Rainbow greeted the orange filly with a hoof bump. Scootaloo returned the gesture, but failed to completely suppress the squeal that followed, Rainbow Dash snickered as Scoot's face took on reddish hue. She shook her head and cleared her throat before she replied, not wanting to embarrass herself further.
"Nothing much, hey Twilight you got a second?" Scootaloo asked.
"Certainly Scootaloo, what is it?" Twilight replied.
"I have a message from Spike." She examined her flank for any message-delivery cutie mark, both disappointed and secretly relieved that there was none.
"Let me guess, he's bored and wants to go to the sleepover,? Well you can tell Spike to forget it, mares only means mares only!" Twilight said crossing her hooves in an act of finality.
"That's not the message though... what did he say?” Scoots patted at her chin in thought. “Oh yeah, umm, he wants you to meet him at the boutique as soon as possible."
"The boutique? What's Spike doing over there?” Twilight wondered. “Can you start from the beginning?"
"Sure, you see. Sweetie Belle, Pip and I were speeding along when—"
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Spike blinked, being pulled suddenly into the well-lit room had hurt his eyes. Rarity had spun him round and around, pulling him tight to her chest. Eventually she stopped, both of them quite dizzy, had ended up in the middle of the room.
"It is so good to see you again Spike!" Rarity cooed, nuzzling him as they still stood in the center of the bedroom. Spike noticed that her room—unlike the rest of the boutique—was in immaculate condition. Every surface shone, the only thing showing any kind of wear was the unicorn in front of him. The one who was busy polishing his scales with her cheek. He saw her horn glow and heard a click. He didn't look but he was pretty sure she'd just locked the door.
Correction, very creeped out.
"Well, I'm sorry you had to see me like this Spikey-Wikey, I'm afraid I've been a little distracted recently..."
Okay, so she’s using the nickname again, odd, she hasn’t called me that since the Royal Wedding.
Spike shook his head quickly, putting a hand on Rarity's shoulder, he pushed her back and looked in her eyes. "Rarity, is there maybe something you want to talk about?"
"Whatever do you mean Spike, I'm fine, you're fine, we're both fine, there's nothing wrong with us, either of us, nothing wrong!" She started to laugh, this wasn't happy, this wasn't nervous, this wasn't even that fake laugh she used whenever she was embarrassed. This was just maniacal.
"What do you mean 'nothing wrong', Rarity? You haven't left the house in days, none of the girls have heard from you and Sweetie didn't say it but I could tell she was worried sick about you." Spike said concerned.
Rarity walked over to a table, upon which sat a teapot and some cups.
"Would you like something to drink? I have some delightful Oolong tea, or perhaps you'd like a gem? I believe I had a chest of them around here somewhere."
She quickly ran to the other side of the room, ignoring the little dragon.
"Rarity."
"Oh I'm just joking of course you'd want a gem! Now where did I put them, what would you prefer ,an emerald, or a diamond maybe?" Still looking, she began digging through some drawers.
"Rarity!"
"I think I have some sapphires around here too as well. Or would you just want the tea..." Now she was looking around the room whilst pacing, as if she would find them on the ceiling.
"Rarity!"
Rarity stopped galloping around her bedroom and looked at Spike, she saw the stern, yet concerned look on his face and her grin slowly fell into a frown. She began to cry.
Aw geez...
"I-it's, it’s just not fair!" Spike sidled up to the distraught Rarity and placed a comforting hand on her back.
Alright, better get this over with, no sense in dancing round the issue.
"Rarity, is this about Big Mac?"
She nodded slowly "He... he called it off, he said he couldn't date somepony who was ashamed of him."
"What happened? From what you told me at that party, you were only keeping it a secret to spare my feelings. Why didn't you tell anyone else?"
"I don't know! I got scared, I wasn't ready to. He and I started to fight more and more, and then one day he just left a note, saying he wasn't coming back!" She began to cry even louder, burying her head into Spike's shoulder.
Slightly bewildered, Spike patted her gently on the back, unsure of how he felt about the new touchy-feely Rarity. Were all mares like this when they get dumped? Spike couldn't help but wonder.
"Shhhh, it's alright, it's alright. Let's just calm down." The dragon soothed.
"Why... why does every stallion I take a fancy to turn out to be a, a scoundrel! First Blueblood and now Mackie... What's wrong with me Spikey?"
"Nothing is wrong with you Rarity, so you've had a couple of bad dates, not every guy is like that, just look at me!" Rarity did, she looked at Spike, she saw the arm gently cradling her, the calming words, that charming smile. She stared into his eyes, her mind at war with itself.
He's always been such a gentledrake...
No, bad Rarity! He's dating Fluttershy, you can't! Just forget it you're always going to be lonely, don't ruin it for everypony else.
But what about my happiness? When is it my turn!?
He's dating your best friend.
Fluttershy's a nice pony, it'll be easy for her to find a new coltfriend!
You'll never be able to forgive yourself.
I just want a special somepony...
You just have to be patient.
Spike contemplated his position, here he was hugging his childhood crush who was having break up issues, his marefriend, Twilight and their other friends were on the way and all Spike had to do was sit tight. He'd felt nervous around Rarity when he was younger. Who isn't around their crush? Now though, he just felt uncomfortable about this whole situation.
Alright she's calmed down a little bit, though she still looking at me funny, oh don't cry again!
"Come on show me a smile, I think you look better when you smile." Rarity did, her first genuinely happy smile in days. This is what she missed the most, being held by a caring, handsome individual.
Wait...did I just think that Spike was handsome?
"Thanks, but you don't have to be polite, I know I look a mess," Rarity smiled and looked at her mane for a moment.
"What are you talking about? Okay you're mane's gone a bit messy, still look okay to me."
"You mean it?" Rarity beamed.
"Yeah, with looks like yours you'll have them lining up in no time!"
Did I say something wrong? She's stopped smiling, kinda looking she’s giving me that weird look again.
Spike continued. "I'll help you clean up downstairs, see about getting you something proper to eat because I happen to know you've eaten nothing but junk for the past few weeks. Maybe you and Fluttershy can go to the spa like you used to, get yourself cleaned up. Get things back to how they were." He smiled, Rarity's expression hadn't changed, she seemed to be thinking about something.
Oh... buck it!
"Er.. Rarity are you ok—" Spike was interrupted yet again as Rarity leant forward, their lips making contact as the mare threw her forelegs around the unsuspecting dragon, pulling him close. Spike was too in shock to react at first and went stiff as a board as Rarity pressed her lips more and more into the kiss. After what seemed an eternity to the young dragon, though was only a couple seconds, he pushed her away and stared, absolutely stunned.
That couldn't have happened, that didn't, it shouldn't.
"Rarity what in Equestria are you doing!?" He shouted.
Seeing how dreadfully she'd misjudged the situation, Rarity watched in horror as Spike back-peddled away from her. "I'm sorry, it's just you were being so nice and thoughtful, I thought maybe—"
Spike cut her off, "That what? Rarity, I moved on, you made it clear that we were just friends! Why would you do that?" He growled. He threw his hands down and glared at her, she cowered under his gaze. Anger quickling replacing the worry in his eyes.
Rarity had curled up into a quivering ball, clutching her hindlegs to her chest. "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking straight! You don't know how lonely I've been!" she howled.
"I think I should go." As he stood up to leave, Rarity leaped and grabbed onto his arm. Spike pulled it away as if she’d bit him
"Please don't go! I don't want to be alone again!" Rarity cried, nearly dragging him to the floor.
"I... I'm sorry this is just... I gotta go, now!" Spike darted out, grabbing a key he saw on her dresser, he opened the lock on the door and ran, leaving Rarity to sit on the floor of her boutique. Seeing the look of fear in Spike's eyes, Rarity chastised herself for being so reckless. She felt the tears welling up again and this time, she realised she had no one to blame but herself.
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"—and that's why we rushed over here so fast." Scoot said.
"Is Spike still at the boutique?" Twilight asked as she put away her quill and parchment, having taken careful note of everything.
Scootaloo nodded "I think so, he was running pretty quick so it must have been important."
"Come on girls, this sounds like an emergency!" Twilight exclaimed. The five quickly gathered themselves and galloped off towards the library. Struggling to keep pace, Fluttershy managed to get alongside and whisper to Twilight.
"I hope Spike is alright, it sounds like Rarity is in a really bad place right now." The butter-yellow pegasus muttered.
“I'm worried too Fluttershy, though I think Spike is more capable than he thinks. Still we should hurry,” Twilight replied.
Twilight took the lead with the others running behind in single file. They too had been worried about Rarity, but it was Spike's idea to all go as a group at the end of the week.
They weren't sure why Spike had suddenly become so concerned, or why he hadn't waited for them, considering how dismissive he had been about the whole affair. But Spike knew Rarity better than any of them, so they trusted him. One thing was certain though, they needed to pick up the pace. Ducking, diving, dipping and dodging through the crowds in the market, they eventually arrived. Twilight loudly knocked on the front door.
"Spike? Rarity? We're here!" She pulled on the door. "Locked."
"Maybe we should try the back? Fluttershy offered.
"Good idea, Rainbow, Applejack you stay here in case one of them opens the front door." Twilight ordered.
"Got it," Rainbow saluted and Applejack tipped her hat in agreement.
Fluttershy, Twilight and Pinkie made their way around to the rear of the building, as they rounded the corner, they caught Spike, barrelling out of the door.
"Spike, are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost!" Fluttershy said as she flew over and embraced Spike, he barely moved, his arms hanging loosely by his sides. "Spike what's the matter?" She asked, slightly pulling back to give him room to breathe.
Spike stepped back and slid down the door sitting on the step. "Rarity is inside." He looked up at three worried faces. "Did you bring Applejack and Rainbow?"
"Spike, are you okay?" Fluttershy asked.
"What? Oh yeah, yeah sorry just a little shaken up by what I saw in there, it was... creepy." Spike shuddered slightly, the memory of earlier still fresh in his mind.
"Come on, let's go get Rainbow and AJ, they're waiting round the front." Twilight said, offering her hoof to him. Spike ignored it.
"Good." He got to his feet and brushed himself down. "I think it's best if you all heard this, 'cause I only want to say it once, come on." He waved an arm for them to follow. They did, if slightly hesitant,
Twilight shot a look at the back door. Shouldn't we be going to see Rarity? What happened in there?
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"Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!" Rarity buried her head in her pillow as she berated herself.
"Honestly Rarity, what were you thinking! First Big Mac leaves you high and dry and then you scare away the only male in this town who' s ever shown you any decency."
The distressed mare’s ears perked up as she heard voices at the foot of her window.
"They sound familiar..." She walked up to the window and peeked through the curtains. "All of my friends, they came to see me! Oh no, they're talking to Spike..."
She walked over to her dresser, pulling out a comb. "No doubt he's telling them everything," She sighed. "I just hope Fluttershy can forgive me."
As she stared into the mirror, she couldn't help but think that she was looking at a complete stranger. Just what had possessed her to kiss Spike? That wasn't like her at all, he was a dear friend to her, in a committed relationship with her best friend. She didn't even like him like that.
"You are a fool Rarity, a fool, he was just trying to cheer you up." She put the brush down. "When did I get so... desperate?"
She walked to the door of her room. "Well, no sense in moping, you're a grown mare Rarity, it's time for you to face the music." She shut the door behind her and proceeded on her death march down the stairs and to the front door, steeling herself for what was to come.
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"Big Mac did what?!" The girls said in unison.
"Spike is this true?" Twilight asked.
"Every word," Spike nodded, confirming his earlier statement.
Rainbow Dash scratched her head. "So, let me get this straight, you're telling us that Rarity and Big McIntosh were dating, and the whole reason she's been cooped up in the boutique is because he dumped her."
"Why that arrogant, when Ah see my brother Ah'm gonna... What kind of no good snake dumps a pony by note, didn't even have the apples to say it to her face!" Applejack stomped furiously, snorting like a bull.
"Look, I think you better go in there." He started to walk away.
"Spike are you coming?" Twilight curiously asked.
"What? Oh, oh no no, she needs her friends to talk too, she's not... up to having guys around her right now, you know considering," Spike finished with a shrug.
Twilight nodded "Well where will you go?"
"As far away as possible..." He muttered.
"What was that?" Twilight asked.
"I said Sugarcube Corner, you can meet me there later if you want." He said loud enough for them to hear. "I could really use a coffee and some donuts right around now." He added quietly.
As he slipped out of view Twilight and her friends congregated around the front door. "So, should we go in? No sense in waiting around."
There attention was drawn by the sound of a door swinging open, in the doorway stood Rarity. "Hello girls," She greeted.
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The hooded figure laughed to themselves, this was perfect, the opportunity they had been waiting for finally arrived. They never thought it possible, but Spike had just handed them his downfall on a silver platter. They had been watching patiently, sneaking away to stalk the dragon whenever they could, and it had paid off. His infidelity provided the hooded figure with the means to succeed. Spike had chosen to omit that little nugget of information when informing them of Rarity's plight.
“That took less time than I expected, not that I can complain, besides he's a Dragon, loyalty is hardly a defining quality,” They noted something that they had heard once
“Breaking a friend's trust is the quickest way to lose a friend. I wonder, how will Fluttershy react when she learns of how you betrayed her trust?"
The hooded figure had been at the gala, they'd seen Fluttershy's fury in full force. They smirked, that would be the perfect trigger.
"Dragons are far from stable creatures, will you be able to cope Spike?"
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Spike slammed the empty coffee cup on the table, reaching into a nearby box, he grabbed a handful of donuts and stuffed them, rather unceremoniously into his gaping maw. He knew he had a bad feeling about that boutique and he was right. Just what was Rarity thinking!? Why did she kiss him? Did she genuinely like him like that?
No that's just silly, she's just shaken up after the break up, still, she crossed a line.
He felt sickened, both at himself and at Rarity. She needed help but she wasn't going to get it from him, not now. He despised himself for lying to his friends and most importantly, his marefriend like that but what else could he do? If he'd have told them what Rarity had done, they'd probably never speak to her again. She just had a moment of madness and insecurity, that's all it was. Spike just wanted to pretend as though it had never happened, hopefully Rarity would feel the same way. He waved his hand at the counter where Mrs. Cake was busy counting the bits in the register, in the back he could hear Mr. Cake cooking away, pans clattering together.
"Can I get another refill please?" The depressed dragon asked.
"Are you sure Spike? that's your third cup and you're on your fourth box of donuts," Mrs. Cake unsurely asked.
Spike looked at him angrily "I'm paying you aren't I? Just—!" He stopped as he realized he'd been shouting, the coffee pot in Mrs. Cake's hoof was shaking quite rapidly, several ponies were staring at him. He hung his head and sighed. "...Sorry, bad day, just bring the donuts. Please," He quickly added.
The ponies around the store returned to their private conversations, though Spike saw the occasional glance his way.
Oh go ahead and stare, it's not going to change what happened. Twilight was right, the ponies in this town are crazy, at least the ones I know...
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When Rarity opened the door she was expecting a torrent of abuse, mostly from Applejack and Fluttershy, maybe a disappointed glare from Twilight, she wasn't expecting the crushing group hug. Even Rainbow joined in.
Fluttershy was first to speak "Oh Rarity, we were so worried!"
"You mean, you aren't mad at me?" Rarity asked, perplexed.
"Mad at you, why would we be mad at you?" Twilight asked.
"Wasn't Spike just out here? I thought he would have told you what happened?" Rarity asked, looking around for the small dragon.
Now it was Pinkie's turn to chime in.
"Of course he did silly, he told us how you and Mac were special someponies and now you're not and that made you really sad. So sad you went loco in the cocoa but your friends are to make you all better, just like how we helped Twilight when she went bonkers."
"Hey!" Twilight glared at the pink pony.
"That's all that Spike told you?" Rarity disbelievingly asked.
Did he not tell them about... That? Fluttershy is still smiling so I guess not, but why would he cover for me?
Because he's trying to be a good friend, be grateful.
Now I just feel guilty...
You should!
"Hey, Equestria to Rarity, you in there?" Rainbow Dash’s voice chimed in.
Rarity, realising she'd just zoned out responded quickly, speaking in a hurried manner. "I'm fine thank you!"
Fluttershy pulled her friend into another hug, triggering yet another sickening wave of shame to wash over the fashionista.
"I know what will cheer you up! How about we go to the spa? You're always so happy afterwards," Fluttershy offered as she squeezed her friend tighter. Rarity knew that, given the circumstances, she should say no, being alone with Fluttershy, after what had just happened, seemed to her as the height of social awkwardness. Though it did provide her with an opportunity to try and smooth things out in a more discreet manner. No sense in confessing her sin to all of her friends at once.
"That sounds lovely Fluttershy," Rarity finally answered
At least I can get you alone to apologise this way.
"Want us to come too?" Twilight asked.
"No! I mean, um, Twilight, I would hate to impose, you have a lot of planning to do for the sleepover, yes I got the invitation, thank you, and I know how much Applejack and Rainbow Dash hate the spa. Pinkie, no offence but you're not, how shall we say, familiar with the concept of calm, I need to relax after all. So no, but don't worry I'm sure the element of kindness is just the kind of company I need right now."
For more reason than one...
If Twilight was at all hurt by Rarity's refusal of her company she didn't show it, instead she nodded and she Applejack and Pinkie started to make the journey to Sugarcube corner to check on Spike. Rainbow had disappeared behind a trail of colours, leaving Rarity alone with Fluttershy. They began their walk to the spa in silence..
This is going to be a very... very long day...
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I bet twenty bits that fluttershy strangles rarity after she tells the truth.
Oh boy this can't be good, Fluttershy isn't going to like this.
is the cloaked pony luna/nightmare moon
No way Rarity spills the beans. Just be smart and bury this deep dark secret. Forever!
AUUUGGGGHHH THAT CLOAKED PONY IS DRIVING ME NUTS! I NEED TO KNOW!
Shit better go down between fluttershy and rarity and commander I'm in
I don't know who that cloaked figure is...
But I will find him, and I will kill him if he does anything
-Kiryu
I only have 1 question:
why does there have to be this underlying storyline? I know it's a style of suspense to have a secret cloaked threat that nobody knows about, but when I read them, I always ask, why?
>Rereads after editing and posting
>Sees new line break.
cdn.derpiboo.ru/media/BAhbBlsHOgZmSSJlMjAxMi8xMS8yMS8wMV8xN180MF82OF8xNTg0MzVfX1VOT1BUX19zYWZlX2ltYWdlX21hY3JvX3Bhcm9keV9lZGl0X3JvaWRfcmFnZV9hcnRpc3Rfc29uZ29oYXJvdHRvBjoGRVQ/158435__safe_image-macro_parody_edit_roid-rage_snowflake_artist-songoharotto.png.png
1940188 Why? Maybe because I want the story to be a little more interesting, maybe because it adds suspense. Or maybe it's because I find it amusing to see the effect that it has on the audience. The hooded figure will soon be revealed though. It may be a cheesy way to build suspense, but I think it works. I'm getting better at subtlety, slowly. Personally I don't think this is bad for what is my third piece of creative writing.
1941799 I know, and I can see that you're getting a lot better at it as well... I'm just saying that I feel the need to ask every time I see it
Well damn macs gonna get it from aj rarity is gonna get it from shy and spike is gonna get it from racist
1949769 Isn't it a shame that you never see anyone wearing a fedora nowadays? Especially over here in the UK. I was fortunate enough to find a trilby, but have yet to find an occasion to wear it.
1949803
)) and it keeps me warm.
It is.
My own fedora came into my life when I was shopping in a Steinmart store during a sale and found this.
My own is slightly different from the one shown there and its made of wool.
I feel like a sexy beast with it on in combination with my black leather jacket(I dont have a brown one(because Major Motoko Kusinagi is a badass
I am not looking foward to the warmer temps because I want the cold to allow me to wear the combination without sweating them both out.
Try just integrating the trilby into your normal wear with similar colors.
Button up shirt and slacks can help you look like a boss.
If its color similar enough to your suit to compliment your suit, you will be swimming in compliments and the ladies will be drawn to you like iron shavings to a magnet!
fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/282/4/e/rarity_approved_by_ambris-d4cdq6y.png
1946552
Sorry, but who's racist?? I'm confused.
The hooded guys
Now this is very exciting, I want more.
1941799
New chapter soon ?
I can't freaking wait for it !!
1979526 Sigh... My target is 20k words for the next two chapters thus far I have written 1000. I just haven't been able to find the time to work on it yet.
Yeah, Rarity is in frindzone now.
It is just.
1979731
if you have a brony friend, or someone who is willing to help you, you would get more idea's, great company, you wouldn't feel any stress and reaching those silly 20K+ would be easier than trying to make the action longer and and sit in silence trying to come up with something
1984253 Yep but Bronies are none too popular where I live. I am to my knowledge the only one in my neighbourhood. Coming up with ideas and writing isn't my problem. Finding time to do so is.
1985573
i understand your problem, the only reason i have a brony buddy is because he saw the first episode with me
I at first thought the hooded figure was rarity, then they said that they had interest in Fluttershy, and I thought of Applejack acting so weird, and now I have this idea.
Yeah, you are a good story-teller to make every one of my guesses thus far be in vain, but this new one seems plausable.
I was waiting for a sequel to the previous story, but this.. I just don't know what to think of it.
ARE THESE PONIES AND WHAT ARE THEY DOING IN THIS STORY!?"
So far it's going well, but these hooded figures, they don't just make me hate them, they make me want to ask myself "What are they even doing here? who are they? why are they picking on Spike, the most well known for being the least threatening Dragon of his species!? WHO THE F
UPDATED: ok, a little thought process later I think I concluded why this bothered me, so I'll skim my previous comment to the points that actually are important to note.
).
These hooded culprits are supposed to be mysterious characters, which the story doesn't want to reveal yet, that want only to harm Spike. The thing is, they were referenced in chapter 2, 3 and now for a third time in chapter 4. I don't know if this is a big problem for others, but by the time they've gotten so much spotlight into the story, I wanted something about them to progress, rather than them remind us that "They're still in this story".
Another thing about them that bothered me is that part of their plan was revealed. I expected this to be somewhat of a mystery, alongside their motives. They're not yet revealed, so revealing their plot is kind of a needless throw away that rather took away from their charm (if there ever was any to begin with, I kind of hated them from the start
In essence, that's why I couldn't stand the hooded figures. Despite all that, I still want to see who they are and why they're so bent on malice towards an innocent baby dragon.
Also, I apologize for the earlier outburst.
2002092 There is a single hooded figure. Not a few. The reasons behind their dislike will be revealed after they are identified. Also you know that there going to try and get Spike out of Ponyville but how? I didn't want to write shipping fluff, I wanted a bit of drama, well a lot of drama. I'm trying something new here, if that's a big problem for you then sorry. Also since New Canon is being released I'm trying hard to not contradict it as this story and it's predecessor are both set after season 2. For instance if the writers finally confirm Sparity (which would annoy me). I'm going to flip because I will have broken Canon, something I cant stand in fanfics.
2003013 I'm not saying that I don't like anything new, this is a concept that could work and in some ways resembles to stories like The Hunchback of Notre Damme, but the execution for this is very important and that is what I couldn't follow properly in these 3 references to the hooded figure (thank you for clearing that up for me also, I thought since there were a lot of plural terminologies used, I thought there were multiple hooded figures).
The thing about execution is that to a character type like Claude Frollo, the story tells us from the start what kind of a man he is and why he's doing half of the things he does.
In here, there's already 3 big parts offered to the hooded individual and he didn't manage to accomplish more than what was already specified in Chapter 2. I do know that their plot is put on display now, but again, that could have been revealed when they made their move as well as their introduction, motives, et cetera and that wouldn't have confused us, because we knew that they intended to make a move, again, from Chapter 2, where the narration said their intentions.
In fact, let me put it this way. This is that part that talked about the hooded figure in Chapter 2:
"Unbeknownst to him however a figure was watching from the shadows, wearing a hooded cloak and fuming at the very sight of him. "Skip along little Dragon, skip along. I hope you enjoy things as they are because I guarantee they aren't going to last. I'll make sure of that." Whipping the tail of their cloak around the stranger disappeared into the alleyway. "Poor little Spike, maybe someone needs to remind you what you are hmm? And I shall be the one to do it!""
This here was perfect the way it is. The next parts didn't add anything else, because we knew that:
A. The hooded figure was intending to harm Spike.
B. There would obviously be some kind of a method in how they would do that, either direct, through schemes or divisive.
C. The mystery about both points A and B draws a lot of suspense, because we have no idea who it is, what it wants, why it does it and that brings along a lot of tension into the story. We don't know what will happen, so we're obviously afraid for Spike.
If anything, I noticed just now that these other references to the hooded figure in Chapters 3 and 4 have taken away a lot from points B and C, because it did reveal a little too much where it didn't matter. That was supposed to be the hooded figure's plan, we needed to be in suspense for when it happened and now that we know the plan, it isn't as suspenseful as our imaginations would make it out to be.
To further emphasize this point, I was expecting something really terrible to happen to Spike by the way this hooded figure was talking in Chapter 2, because for all I knew, I thought he might be kidnapped by this character and even tortured (well, that would go into a Gore category, so not really).
I hope you understand now what I mean. I'm not a story writting expert, but I do know a few things about what can draw suspense just from experience with stories and a few lessons in story writting. Also, I'm not writing all this just to be a jerk, what I tried is to only offer feedback whenever I see that it's appropriate to do so, but otherwise, I'll just enjoy the ride, much as I did last time in this story's prequel and other stories too.
2003256 Oh no I get what your saying and I agree with you for the most part. Anyway, big chapters to write, must dash.
2003599 Alright, got it. Thanks for taking your time to read through my comment and I apologise again if I came off as too harsh with it.
Can't wait for the next chapter.
I can continue from the spa.
-fluttershy..- Rarity said in the mud bath. -I have a confession to make-
-what is it?- Fluttershy spoke up.
-I..I kissed your dragonfriend, please don't be mad!- Rarity spoke in sobs.
-oh...it's okay.-
-really?-
-absolutely, hey what's this tiny spec doing in the mud?- Fluttershy said pointing in front of Rarity.
Rarity looked down. -what are you talking about de..- Fluttershy then forced Raritys head under the mud, making her swallow it, a few seconds after, Rarity drowned to death by swallowing to much mud.
Fluttershy leaned back and spoke in a cold voice. -that's for touching my man.-
2014977 Not ENTIRELY accurate...
Well I, personally, am hoping that Rarity DOES tell Fluttershy. Two reasons for that:
1 - There was a rather large amount of focus on 'other Fluttershy' in the prequel. To completely write her out in this would be a detriment to the overall story. Having Rarity tell Fluttershy what she did would be the simplest way of bringing that aspect of the story back.
2 - It would completely screw over the plan of the shadowy figure, but he wouldn't know about it. It would make him look like a bumbling fool, something that would polarise nicely with his racist leanings. Not only that, but it could lead to drama, as the characters know someone was spying on them, but not who, and they could mistake the target as Rarity rather than Spike. Not to mention the comedy of mishaps possible from it, rather surprised this fic doesn't have a comedy tag on it considering its prequel did (not often you see a non-comedy fic follow a comedy fic, it's usually the other way around).
Also, since you're building up this figure as though you want us to think they're a threat, I will be disappointed if you just have them be a random background pony who no one has ever written about. That would be completely out of left field and immersion breaking. So, I'm gonna guess that the figure is either Snips/Snails, they're written as to stupid to live in the show, it would make sense if one of them was actually really smart but just pretending in order to avoid suspicion.
That or it's Rarity's mum.
Good chapter! And I think I figured out who the cloaked pony is, he was mentioned once in the first story, in the last chapter if I'm not mistaking but, so I don't give him away to much I'll leave it at that.
2199197 Maybe it's because I already know the answer but the cloaked ponies identity is simple. Let me line up basic clues: Has a poor opinion of dragons, not yet explained but lines up question, who might have a reason to? Knows of Spike but doesn't know him personally. Knows the element bearers by name, has a fondness for fluttershy, was at the gala. Uses magic. Goes to great lengths to conceal appearance. NOT AN OC. Come on, any more clues and it's too obvious.
PM with your next guess. I'd hate for someone to read spoilers in the comments, that is of course if someone has guessed correctly.
2199395I'm just going to stop guessing cause, 1.the story is on hiatus right now so I would just drive myself crazy trying to single out one pony now. 2. Aside from stalking the character seems harmless and no doubt would end up failing in there plan or nopony would even care and might just look at them funny when they say something about Spike being a problem, lol.
D: !!!!!!!!!! damn !!!! this is gonna get bad !!!!!!!!
2199395
This mysterious fellow's identity is driving me crazy
2199395 I know who its is lol. I cant believe I missed it
It must be Big Mac. Who else is male?
2199395 It must be.................................................................................... ANGEL BUNNY!
WHICH MONDAY?
2570627 You really should read my blog posts more often... The upload in question is the first chapter of Wolf amongst the Sheep. I am on hiatus at the moment, I occasionally check back in to read my updated favourites but I've taken a break from writing for now.
2570844
When its the new chapter ? I can't wait to see what happens next.
Sorry to bother you with this
1938210 No, it's a male.
It's been quite the amount of time here, Secret. You can just tell us if you're getting lazy,
3647040 Not so much lazy as, inconvenienced. I attend University so I don't have as much time as I'd like, and whenever I sit down to write for this story, I get terribly frustrated because during my absence I have seen a decline in what little writing ability I possess. I apologise. I promise to try and get this updated eventually, once family obligations and my work are out of the way for this winter break.
3680703 I see.
We're still waiting, you know. It's been quite a long time.