• Member Since 17th Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen Sep 19th, 2020

CrazyChickenLady


[birb intensifies]

T
Source

After following a baby griffon into a dangerous situation, Fluttershy finds herself rescued by a kind-hearted dragon and ends up befriending him. Ultimately, they both decide to raise the child. As Fluttershy and her friends spend time with the lonely dragon, the more he learns about friendship and the more he reveals about his tragic past.

Note: Earlier chapters will steadily be going through some edits. Chapters 1-7 have been edited.

Chapters (59)
Comments ( 799 )

i am surprised there are no comments yet but here is your first. Defiantly a cute story. after reading it i will say that i have yet to find any mistakes. keep up the awesome work.
:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

This story seems familiar. Did you have it up on DeviantArt before?

The water continued to rise slowly, its icy cold temperature chilling both pony and griffon. As the griffin

Consistency error.

That said, here is my initial impression.

encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR8VhprDs8L9NF4_WsR5wsbxHks3xKjPG1ojof8rd02Hjk4T9Xu3w
D'aawwws incoming.

The pony's eyes shifted back to the griffon chick as it toddled over to the room's mane source of warmth,

*main

2148046 Thanks for pointing that out. I missed that.

Alright, I know this is only the first chapter, but there are a couple things that I've noticed already:

-- You have a tendency to use a lot of short, simple sentences when describing things. While that's not inherently wrong, it breaks up the flow of the narrative and makes the story feel choppy. It's a fairly consistent problem throughout the chapter, but it's especially evident in the first few paragraphs.

-- There are several places where you have sentence fragments, or descriptive sentences that are never expanded upon. for example:

The domesticated animals, however, such as a flock of chickens, who were kept warm in their henhouse and a goat that took refuge in its own little house in the corner of its pen.

is one of the fragments, and this,

While many enjoyed the spectacle, there were certain individuals who found it a nuisance.

shouldn't be a stand alone sentence unless you actually intend to tell us who finds it to be a nuisance.

-- You have a tendency to slip back and forth between past and present tense, particularly when using the word 'have' instead of 'had'.

All of that said, there were a lot of good things about the chapter as well. You use a lot of good descriptive words and phrases and don't limit yourself to the same few adjectives and metaphors over and over again. Likewise, the story itself has an interesting concept and a believable set up. Both of those are much, much harder things to fix than the grammatical issues pointed out above. Get yourself a good editor and I think you've got a solid story here.

Dude, this is so sweet/adorable that I might get diabetes and a new heart due to melting.:twilightsmile::pinkiehappy::eeyup:

2162815 Uh-oooh. I hope the heart transplant goes well. x3

WOO HOO keep them coming.

I did enjoy the shop keeper's reaction. "He bought basic groceries and threw some cash down because I was to busy being xenophobic to rang him up, the horror!!!"

Good story: the plot is simple and easy to follow, there are d'awww moments, characters stay in character and the jokes are funny.

So many feels. The story is just d'awww-tastic.
Some minor "technical" errors - bit of broken grammar here and there and sometimes you create oxymorons: vehemetly cuddling for example.
I'd wager english is not your native language and that you use thesaurus a lot. Which is ok - its just some words have nuances that straight translation can miss.
Criticism (constructive, I hope :twilightsmile:) aside, hats off for you, keep up the good work!
I recently started writing some little thing myself and I just realise how maddeningly complicated and difficult this whole writing is :pinkiehappy:

2173135 Thank you for the criticism and comment!

This should prove entertaining.:pinkiehappy: Fluttershy might even have to use the STARE.:pinkiegasp:
Oh Celestia! He's buying diapers and baby food! Oh the Humanity!:raritydespair: What insidious plans will he unleash on Ponyville using such products as those.:twilightoops:
This is Hilarious! Also, VERY heartwarming. Have all my likes.:yay::yay::yay:

Twilight's use of tactics was entertaining.:twilightsheepish:
Great chapter keep up the good work!:yay:

Ooh, this is on Fimfic? Awesome! I lost sight of this fic ages ago.

I'm really glad this updated. I cannot wait for more. Fluttershy/Smokey/Chenoa cuteness to the MAX! :yay:

2252462 Thank you very much! I like your avatar! ^^

....wierd....I got an update notification.....but I already read this chapter....

even wierder, even if this chapter DID update.....the site disagrees....

So I'm gonna guess that you published the unfinished chapter by accident?

2252937 I re-read all of the chapters and it refuses to take it off of my unread chapters list.

2253130 Ok, I've tried everything. I CANNOT get it to leave my Unread chapters list.

Either you really DID update accidentally, or Fimfiction is being buggy again. Either way, I give up for now. Being as sick as I am, I should've been asleep awhile ago.

The werewolf came back, but just for the soup? Well this must be either the most desperate werewolf I've ever seen or the most luckiest one I've ever seen.
This is a great chapter. Please continue.

Comment posted by MyLittleTimeLord deleted Mar 26th, 2013

2319875 Well..I know I would prefer warm soup over cold, raw meat from the forest... Especially since in his case, he probably didn't have the energy/health to chase something down...

2321568 Well, animal meat is warm when freshly killed due to body heat, but you are right about the werewolf being too weak to chase down anything.

3079387 Yes! I still haven't heard back from my editor, but I posted the chapter anyway!

Woot you're back! With enough feels to melt my heart!:fluttercry:

Nice! :yay: It's very good to see this story updated. :twilightsmile:

This was nice and sweet. Looking forward to more. :twilightsmile:

Login or register to comment