So, is Luna next?

10030159
Donno if this story line will be continued at all, that'd be entirely up to the commissioner. At that, I have many stories I have in the backlog that I need to finish before I could even work on that if it was wanted.

nice work

If this is the last chapter, you might want to mark it as complete. Just sayin'.

Also, there are a few dangling partial italics tags lying about:

"i]Hah...so you like that, do you?" she asked despite knowing the answer, hot breaths washing over his muzzle after kissing him deeply for a couple minutes, "And how do you like my pussy, hmm? Still nice and warm and tight for you?"

"i]Shh, it's OK. Let it aaaaalll out inside me. We have all night to go again, and you'll last much longer the next time. But first...let this one out. Cum nice and deep inside me~..."

"i]Ooooh wow you filled me up so well. So much I'd definitely have your foal from such a lovely creampie if I were in heat..."

10030375
Fixed em, thanks.

10030759
Umm... the partial italics tags are still there, though. (Use Ctrl+F, then put "i]" - minus the quotes, of course - in the search box that pops up in your browser.)

In my previous comment, I also quoted where I found them for context.

10032718
Well, I did fix them on mobile, but I guess it didn't go through and I didn't check it after. This time they're fixed for sure!

10036288
Yep. The bugs got squished for sure, this time!

Though I think the first story was better, I'm glad to have seen this through to the end.

I'm a bit undecided on this one. By itself, it's not a bad story. It's actually rather good. But there is... something about it. Or perhaps something missing from it, compared to its predecessor? I don't really know. After about two thirds of the way through, it just didn't manage to hold my interest like the first story did. I did enjoy reading it though. And it was definitely worth reading. I have a feeling that it being a sequel also played into this undecidedness. I can't tell, because there is literally no way for me to un-read the prequel...

I don't like posting vague not-really-constructive-but-kind-of comments like this, I mean, if I said "I liked it overall but in particular I didn't like x because y" then at least there's something concrete that you can take away from it and improve upon in future stories, or just leave it at that because hey, we can't all have the same opinion anyway. Yet at the same time, not posting anything at all wouldn't really help anyone either.

If anything, people that enjoy your stories in general, and especially those who enjoy the predecessor of this one, should still absolutely give this a go.

10089498 Well, I'm glad you at least kind-of liked it, and that you did like the previous one. Also, thanks for leaving an actual review. I don't get those often, and it makes me happy when people think my work is worth taking a moment of their time to comment on and analyze a bit. That's my nerdy inner Twilight speaking I think...

I think what this story is missing is any true conflict that the original had in spades. I mean, sure, Moon is extremely hesitant to get into things, and she nearly calls it off a couple times, but once she does get into it nothing stops the good mood. When Bade cums in her, they're like 'Oh, OK, you can have his foal even if we didn't plan for it.' There's no real opposition to it like when Amaya slept with Twilight and the conflict that followed that, and when Bade was struggling with loving Twilight and Amaya both despite his 'one-mare-for-one-stallion' beliefs.

When they found out Moon does indeed get pregnant, they were just like 'Oh, and we'll bring you into the herd too. Let's date then get married! Then, months later, 'we're married and have foals now! Yay! Let's fuck!' I could have maybe had Amaya take issue with Moon getting something she viewed as hers (Bade's cum right after he creams her, or foal after learnign she was indeed pregnant) and make them have a heated discussion, ending in Amaya or Moon storming off. Eventually it would be resolved, but there could be more discussions among the others who stayed. Then the one who ran off could have reconciled and accepted the other, and admit there was a chance between them. Then all the fluff that was already there. Then too, that takes up a lot of words, and wasn't planned for by the commissioner.

Overall, I think I could have done better injecting a bit more of struggle for the characters in this story then I did (like above). I don't particularly like putting bad emotions in my stories, but I understand it adds more realism to the writing and makes it more interesting and suspenseful. I think that may be what this was missing for you from this story that the other had, and perhaps other readers feel the same too.

We can only learn and improve from our shortcomings. I'll try to do better in my future writing, as always.

10089591
Those conflict (or emotion?) examples you give definitely feel like they might indeed be it, especially as the story goes on. The examples from the prequel (and also the ones from the beginning of this one) immediately make me go "I've completely forgotten about that one (it's been quite a while since I've read it) but now that you mention it, yeah I do remember that and it was great," whereas the more recent ones are the ones that make me go "Wait, what?" It all just happens a bit too fast, too easy (ie, not enough conflict?) for my suspension of disbelief to keep up with.

I never really thought of them as bad emotions per se. Just emotions in general are a good thing, I think. It makes characters real, and all that.

Thanks for appreciating an honest review!

10521318 Thanks. Always love adding a bit of alliteration to my stories. Amuses me to write, and seems to give my readers a chuckle too.