Short, sweet and sticky

After what felt like the longest train ride in the history of Equestria, {Velvet all but ran her way to the Castle of Friendship.} She knew Twilight would be the only one over, her letter said so after all. Her friends were busy with Friendship Problems, Starlight was with Trixie, and Spike was busy with his guy friends doing whatever. Not that any of their reasons mattered to her, just so long as they weren’t going to interrupt her time with her daughter; and of course the other thing she mentioned in her letter. Entering the castle, {she wasted no time running down the hall to Twilight’s room,} she knew that was where they were meeting, as well as what else was waiting for her. Bursting through the door, Velvet’s eyes widened and her body trembled in delight at what she saw.

this doesn't make sense at all.

letter what letter????

what was in the letter?

For what reason does the character needs to rush to twilight's room????

No buildup, just skipping straight to the action,everything goes by way to fast, and theres far too much swearing for no reason.
3/10. The whole thing just feels like somone came up to you, shoved it in your face and said: "here, read it"
Sorry but this was just very weak.

What is the sudden fascination with zebras?

Better than most first attempts, but for a 1k challenge it would have been better to just skip most the "build up" and use that space to set the scene in the bedroom (the build up most people look for) with a few sprinkled implications telling the rest of the story.

A 1k challenge can really only support one scene worth of detailed activity and cutting detail in writing meant for entertainment usually only makes it feel rushed and poorly thought out. The core thing you're supposed to learn here is how to efficiently fit details into a small word count; say more with less.

Each sentence should try to imply various details that you don't have time to say by using the context it's in. A good way to practice this skill in particular is to write three sentences describing something (what is it, what's it doing, where is it), and then try to figure out a way to write two sentences that convey everything the three sentences said without their combined length surpassing the two longest sentences you used previously. For extra credit, now try to combine all the same information into one sentence no longer than the longest sentence you last used.

Twilight carried Spike upstairs to bed. (6) Spike had fallen asleep while reading his magazines. (8) Twilight was slightly upset he had neglected to bathe after dinner, but didn't wish to wake him. (17)

(8+17=25)

Twilight carried Spike from his magazines to his basket upstairs. (10). Her bemused expression softening as she swept dinner crumbs from the slumbering drake's cheek. (14)

(10+14=24)

Note that in the second set, many things that were explicitly stated before are now implied, such as the emotions expressed to just what Spike was doing before and where he was. I even managed to make the scene a little more tender and loving in the process despite her slight disapproval of his lack of self care, conveying semi-compex emotional states twilight was feeling which is key to any sort of relatable character.

This is also a good skill to practice as an editor or prereader to help your author with condensing and focusing their story but I digress.

I hope these tips help you make better, more emotionally fulfilling and information dense stories in the future. You already seem to have decent grammar and spelling (far better than some of the stories on here) and you just need to work on telling readers just enough that they can easily extrapolate the rest through context and doing away with parts that don't add to the feeling or intrege of the story.

Honestly? I liked it a lot.
Could it have been even more optimized? Probably. But Holo did a great job with what he did.

The amount of plot is just enough to where I have a basic understanding of what's going on, and I can enjoy the sex scene without being totally lost. My only thing would be that the sex scene wasn't longer, but it was a great clopfic nonetheless!

Fav'd and upvoted!

Is Pinkie Pie next, I can’t wait for her cravings of creampies.

And this is why I never ignore a story based on it's like to dislike ratio. Every now and again you come across these gems.
I enjoyed this story and will be reading the rest.

I think the only reason people down vote this so much is because of how painfully short it is.

Sorry. If this story was not Anthro. i would like it

that's the picture id? for research purposes of course

8899833
why are you here?

Are you gonna write a bonus chapter of the time the zebras “dominates” twilight before velvet arrived.

9307964
9771343

While I am typically against taking most actions, as I believe in everyone having the right to voice an opinion, I do not tolerate pointless trolling. If someone thinks the story is bad, that’s their own thoughts, but when they complain just to complain, then I get annoyed. So that user is blocked and his comment erased.

8898948
While everything you said is correct. This is a 1k challenge. Cant include a lot of detail in a thousand word story