Gaze within the Holocron and see what stories it has to tell.
Page generated in 0.325 seconds
Total duration
1,048 users online
2,755,177 hits today, 2,604,810 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Short, sweet and sticky
this doesn't make sense at all.
letter what letter????
what was in the letter?
For what reason does the character needs to rush to twilight's room????
No buildup, just skipping straight to the action,everything goes by way to fast, and theres far too much swearing for no reason.
3/10. The whole thing just feels like somone came up to you, shoved it in your face and said: "here, read it"
Sorry but this was just very weak.
What is the sudden fascination with zebras?
Better than most first attempts, but for a 1k challenge it would have been better to just skip most the "build up" and use that space to set the scene in the bedroom (the build up most people look for) with a few sprinkled implications telling the rest of the story.
A 1k challenge can really only support one scene worth of detailed activity and cutting detail in writing meant for entertainment usually only makes it feel rushed and poorly thought out. The core thing you're supposed to learn here is how to efficiently fit details into a small word count; say more with less.
Each sentence should try to imply various details that you don't have time to say by using the context it's in. A good way to practice this skill in particular is to write three sentences describing something (what is it, what's it doing, where is it), and then try to figure out a way to write two sentences that convey everything the three sentences said without their combined length surpassing the two longest sentences you used previously. For extra credit, now try to combine all the same information into one sentence no longer than the longest sentence you last used.
Note that in the second set, many things that were explicitly stated before are now implied, such as the emotions expressed to just what Spike was doing before and where he was. I even managed to make the scene a little more tender and loving in the process despite her slight disapproval of his lack of self care, conveying semi-compex emotional states twilight was feeling which is key to any sort of relatable character.
This is also a good skill to practice as an editor or prereader to help your author with condensing and focusing their story but I digress.
I hope these tips help you make better, more emotionally fulfilling and information dense stories in the future. You already seem to have decent grammar and spelling (far better than some of the stories on here) and you just need to work on telling readers just enough that they can easily extrapolate the rest through context and doing away with parts that don't add to the feeling or intrege of the story.
Honestly? I liked it a lot.
Could it have been even more optimized? Probably. But Holo did a great job with what he did.
The amount of plot is just enough to where I have a basic understanding of what's going on, and I can enjoy the sex scene without being totally lost. My only thing would be that the sex scene wasn't longer, but it was a great clopfic nonetheless!
Fav'd and upvoted!
Is Pinkie Pie next, I can’t wait for her cravings of creampies.
And this is why I never ignore a story based on it's like to dislike ratio. Every now and again you come across these gems.
I enjoyed this story and will be reading the rest.
I think the only reason people down vote this so much is because of how painfully short it is.
Sorry. If this story was not Anthro. i would like it
that's the picture id? for research purposes of course
8899833
why are you here?
Are you gonna write a bonus chapter of the time the zebras “dominates” twilight before velvet arrived.
9307964
9771343
While I am typically against taking most actions, as I believe in everyone having the right to voice an opinion, I do not tolerate pointless trolling. If someone thinks the story is bad, that’s their own thoughts, but when they complain just to complain, then I get annoyed. So that user is blocked and his comment erased.
8898948
While everything you said is correct. This is a 1k challenge. Cant include a lot of detail in a thousand word story