cxzyzx
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- The Anti-Clopfiction Group8 stories ·95 members
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So, Celestia keeps an animated stallion's member locked away for emergencies. You know, for when asking a royal guard is just too much of a hassle.
Nice use of the time stamp card, amazed more people don't use those.
EDIT: And its not just any stallion's member. Did not see that little twist coming.
COMMENT ONE OF TWO
You know, I bet this was a pain in the ass for Applejack...
COMMENT TWO OF TWO
OP, OP, OPPA PONY STYLE! HEEEEEEEEEY SEXY PON-EH! (Yes, I did.)
Nice
Thanks for all the positive comments, I'm glad you guys liked it
1563995
YOU SIR.
Mind.... blown
I like the story except for the implied incest, but other than that, great story.
This should be photons, not electrons.
1566644
Hoh! Fixed, thanks.
1565334
Thanks
But just think, no incest is necessary!
Ponies don't wear clothes and Applejack has lived with Big Mac her whole life. Just nature, so she knows what kind of load he packs relative to all the other naked ponies.
Well...
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8393-I_can_clop_to_this.gif
Random quote:
"I'm tired of these mutha fucking snakes on this mutha fucking plane!!!"
You can tell an amazing story, fleshing it out vividly, so why in bucking Tartarus did you put pictures in there? You are writing a story, using words, not visual aid. It's your job to describe it for us so we can imagine what you're trying to show, not slap a picture in there as if you're spoon feeding a baby. Also, I get that this was supposed to be humourous, but the three hours later thing really killed it.
1572784
I'm sorry that you didn't like those aspects, but let me try to explain at least my reasoning.
I was trying the picture thing out the first time and I thought that it wasn't so bad... I slapped in 3 hours later because I thought it looked better than a simple
3 Hours Later
I put the last picture in right after I had described pretty much what it showed, I thought it would add to the moment, not detract. In any case, I appreciate the compliment and the criticism, so thank you!
1571098
I take it that you liked it then, thanks for reading :3
1572847 Well, you don't even need a described time transition. Just put some fancy do-hickies in between paragraphs like: .o~O~O~o. or something. Adds pizzaz without the boring monotony of 3 Hours Later or pointless pictures (plus, spongebob is dumb as hell
)
As far as the second picture goes, it completely conflicts with how I viewed what was going on. As far as I remember, AJ was shackled about the hooves restricting their movements, yet there wasn't a tail or neck clasp. Plus, that's not 'all across her face', it's more of a 'little bit on her muzzle'. This is all over her face (and head):
i.imgur.com/oV9EX.jpg
Plus, pictures create a gap between story points and, while it may not seem like a big deal, can really cause a loss of interest and ruins the magic of imagining it for yourself. Literature is literature for a reason, after all. And, yes, I understand that quite a lot of people here have horrible imaginations (i.e. all of those Train Wreck fanfics that you see popping up with entirely unoriginal concepts [not saying unoriginal is bad, but when you can't describe it, it becomes so]), but it' still no excuse.
Anyhoof, enough of the rant. I'm glad you are willingly open to the criticism. Most authors just 'Stfu, I know what I'm doing, you can't tell me what to do. Troll, gtfo.', so it's refreshing to see such an open-minded individual. And, as I said, you can tell an amazing story, so you definitely do not need any visual assistance. (If you absolutely must have it, perhaps you could link it into the sentence like this: while it popped out of Applejack’s throat spurting cream into her mouth and all across her face.. That way it isn't being shoved down our throats and those that want to imagine it for themselves can do just that and those that may need assistance can still have it.)
1573267
I would have never imagined that the picture thing could actually detract from the experience, I'm extremely glad that you mentioned that, providing unquestionable reasoning at the same time. So what I'll do instead is your sentence link to the picture- it's the best idea and a fair compromise to a legitimate qualm, I feel.
Your picture is more accurate, there's no denying! I shall certainly save it, but I don't think I can bring myself going to replace it with the one in there, I like it too much
In closing, this is one of the kindest and most useful comments I've received, so again, I must thank you.
1574159 No problem! And, considering your skill and willing to improve and whatnot (and the fact that I just love me some clop), I'd definitely say this deserves a star and a like! Keep up thee good work, can't wait to see what other stuff you pop out.
The Discord bit was creepy.
That was pretty bad. The way Celestia propositioned AJ was completely inverse to the way you portrayed her intentions at the start. Also the clop was horribly flat most of the time since you would state Celestia's actions on AJ's body, but illustrate neither character's emotions and reactions to it. Like when Celestia pulled out the anal beads. Nothing. Her watching them come out should have turned her on and them being yanked should have made AJ react significantly. That's just one example of what most of the writing is like. Also, while I didn't find the Discord bit creepy, both of them mentioning one of theirs brother was really creepy.
1583718
Out of your criticism, this is the part I see as valid,
And I can't deny it. I was out to write some porn and I didn't really put effort into the emotional side of the story.
In regards to this,
Well, that's how it's supposed to be. Molestia doesn't need to tell AJ exactly what she wants, she's freaking Molestia!
In any case, thanks for reading and commenting, even if you didn't like the story. It's good to see a legitimate reason for a downvote.
1563995 BOW CHICKA BOW WOW
one I’ll ride you harder than Bic Macintosh ever could... what?
Two WHO THEY FUCK DID AJ FUCK?
1601737
Hah, that wasn't supposed to be in there... Must've been a Freudian slip. There was only to be one Big Mac reference
Changed to 'any stallion'. Hope that's less creepy
1601836 it was interesting to see incest not included
Wow, the idea of being imprisoned as a horny cock forever is super hot.
1681949
1561179 Ha what it was huge and black I instantly thought Luna might have been here brother at one point, but one snip later and now we have two princesses~ dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png
Too short
1729799
Sorry to dissapoint. I'll have to write up 10000 words of nothing but clop just for you
Adam's apple?
Looks like it ain't just Twilight that wants to see Applejack as a stallion!
Awesome work and the end made my head derp
It made me derp yet made sense .. erp