• Member Since 10th Jul, 2011
  • offline last seen Sep 13th, 2015

DavidReinold


I love writing, but I'm seldom content with what I write.

T

Twilight Sparkle has always kept to herself. Isolated in her studies, she leaves the library only to spend time with family. Friends, she has none. No significant other. No pals, no work mates. In fact, no work to speak of, either. And so, it seemed natural to ask - who is this girl, really? And moreover, why am I so drawn to her?

[WARNING: Spoilers contain comments! Wait...no...]

Chapters (13)
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Comments ( 107 )

this is pretty good actually!
IM LOVING IT!
...well dont just stand there doing nothing!
KEEP GOING!

Good start. Interested to see where this is going. I only have one issue: the chapters are too short! fix this! also, shouldn't her magic be purple, not green?


Faved and liked.

I very much like what I see so far.
Thumb and track; I look forward to MOAR.

I think I see where this is going, but that's not necessarily a bad place if done correctly.

I'm interested. You have a good style of writing. Looking forward to coming chapters :twilightsmile:

966270 When I was writing the chapter, I guess I sort of imagined in my head that she teleported green. Maybe describing a flash of white felt too generic/cliche/bleak/flat? I don't know. I just wrote what I felt.

Also, the short chapters are deliberate - faster updates. Short bursts of story work better for me as an author, and tend to produce better results in my stories. The longer my chapters, the weaker the editing. In smaller segments I have a much stronger control over my domain, and I can get everything in its proper place faster.

Avi

Oooh I likey a lot! Can't wait for more!

Your Latin is flawed. "Cantamen" is neuter, so the first such one would be "cantamen primum," not "primus." Second, as "hiems" is the object of "in," it should be in the ablative ("hieme") — unless the library is into or against winter, rather than in it, in which case it would be "hiemem." You also misspelled "expositio."

966932 I thank you for your help! Perhaps I may consult you on future chapter titles? I have not been studying Latin for very long (as you have already ascertained) so this is tricky for me.

If only you had made this longer. The thing is, it's short but it really doesn't feel short. I love how you use few words to describe practically everything :twilightsmile: And as a complete nerd, that's awesome to me! But it would be better if maybe you combined the two chapters?

966990 Thank you for the complements! But the answer remains no - I will stick to smaller chapters. I am writing this series in individual stories, and each story is written in three parts - an exposition, confrontation, and resolution for each. Bibliotheca in Hieme ends with "III Pars - Malefica".

Trust me - at the speed at which I currently produce chapters of this series, I will have at least one new chapter daily. You will get plenty of it. It will add up. And some chapters will be longer - but this particular story has short chapters, because it is the first encounter between the two of them.

I need that gif that says, "...Go on..."
Very interesting so far. It's some sort of fusion of her pony self and a human form, huh?

....that ending....
WAT
But seriously, I like this. I am watching it......watching.....waiting....

967337 24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lqkaa0cc7Z1r25534o1_500.gif ?


Anyways, yeah. That was awesome, and I want more really badly. Really the only problem I can see with the story is that there isn't enough of it yet! :rainbowwild:

966939
I'd be willing to help, though my knowledge of Latin doesn't go far past the subjunctive mood. (Also, upon further reflection, I think it'd be more appropriate to drop the "in" and just say "hieme," using the ablative of time when.)

973489 Yes, yes you can wait, on account of I tried releasing the next one today and it was the shoddiest and most hurried piece of work I have ever done. I quickly retracted it. From now on, for this story, I will take my time and make each event worth your time, rather than sacrificing quality to give you quick updates.

973803 Dude, screw quick updates. I walked that road with my first fic I did so long ago... Not only was it rushed, but I lost all motivation to continue the story and I had to put it on hiatus for a few months before I even tried writing again. That's rule number 2, don't rush it! That said, this story could shape up to be extremely good, so hurry up! :rainbowwild::rainbowlaugh:

Okay, hopefully this chapter is a more satisfying continuation. I did my best~

1005088
I second this complaint. It just needs to be longer; but still an absolutely brilliant read.

Descriptive, and that makes it good. However, I third the complain.

We're not going to let you rest until this story is 20,000 words or more. :rainbowwild:

But in all seriousness, keep going. This is awesome.

1005697 Oh, that shouldn't take long. Looking at my pacing, I'm averaging roughly 1100 words every five days, and I feel like I'm really falling into the groove of writing again, so you shouldn't have to wait long for 20,000. As my most recent blog pointed out, I am balancing this with two other TBA long stories, a TBA one shot, and a TBA sequel, plus my open projects (GAME and Celestia's Origin: The End of Flutter Valley), not to mention the upcoming Pony Writing Month (although based on the popularity of The Witch, I might actually duck out of that). Once I get some of those stories off my plate, I'll have more time to devote to this one. I just have to trim out the fat and get myself moving. I've also been very idle lately due to my stuck-in-a-rut state of mind. I've only just begun to pull myself together and get back to work.

Rest assured, I may not have as frequent or lengthy updates for this story as one might like, but I will make sure each story update is worth your time and gives you something to think about.

1005747 Yeah, well that's all we can ask of you. I think I'll check you other stuff out once its available. I'm sure nobody will complain about the speed of the updates either. Quality over quantity. Believe me, if the only complaint your story gets is that there needs to be more of it, you are doing something right. :rainbowwild:

966539
Green magic is changeling magic. I(and quite a few others) would like to think that we are not talking of changelings in this story, ergo, I strongly advise green magic is a poor idea. Personally, I would have used something like a 'faint lilac flash', as this would be easier for your OC to rationalise in the next chapter, as he would not have to imagine a necklace that did not exist. Big changes, but then again it is just a matter of opinion.

Anyway, this is great work, and there will be smiles every time I see this story in the updated box. I love it when I find awesome new stories on the front page like this one.

1008600 I will change the color, but I will leave the idea of a necklace right where it is, as that particular point is crucial to my plans.

1008600 Okay. The words green, green and green have been changed to violet, magenta, and amethyst respectively. The necklace remains, because at the moment, his speculation is part of his denial. I'm trying not to make this too easy for him. He's got to come to terms with the magic, but it's going to hit him like a freight train.

Alice in Wonderland. That's the vibe I'm getting from this story.

If you're trying to say "snowy grass(es)," it should be "nivea gramina." If you're not trying to say that... then what are you?

1047095 Whoops. I should have consulted you first. I wasn't entirely sure on that one.

1010396
That analogy about the freight train is just perfect. Visualizing it, as a metaphor, and also literally, cracks me up. It was just perfect. :rainbowlaugh:

Thank you for listening to and acting on my concerns, at is nice to see that some authors that are okay with making changes to their story when their readers have concerns. :twilightsmile:

Anyway, this story is still amazing. It has one of the most amazing writing styles I have ever seen, and is probably the best human fic I have ever read. You can show the same amount of meaning in a thousand words as others take 5000-10000 words to do. This story is amazing, I cant believe it every time it gets updated, and I am eager to see where this is going and how it's going to get there.

Keep up with this amazing work!

1061009 Thank you so much! You have no idea how much that means to me. After countless failures in my writing, it's an amazing feeling to finally have a story that people enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing it.

I'm not going to lie - I actually often surprise myself with this story. My general procedure is two to three hours of brainstorming (this is usually done during mindless activities like mowing the lawn, vacuuming the house, or making dinner), after which I will go to bed, and - now this is the weird part - as I'm trying to fall asleep, I'll spend half an hour typing it up, and it's generally ready for publication right away. I always do a single read-through edit just to make sure it all works (can't be too careful) but I seldom change anything. Once in a while I'll fumble on the present tense, but generally, my first draft is what you get. I'm often as surprised and impressed as many of my readers, because I've never seen myself write like this before.

The only issue is that I can only write like this when I have the urge. As was discovered from my blunder earlier on in the story with the dummy chapter 3 conclusion, I can't force myself to write this on a schedule. I just have to wait, and think, and hope a good idea hits me so I can ponder it. But once I know what I want to write (and sometimes I'm still thinking it through while I'm writing!) the chapter seems to write itself.

This story is very spooky to me, in how it comes to me. It feels like someone else is writing my story, even though I watch my fingers type it up.

Anyway.

"I guess the change in mah pocket wasn'-"

Wait, woops. Wrong story. Any way, Great chapter!

Clearly, this "Twilight Sparkle" woman has been writing self-insert fanfiction. What's her Mary Sue character going to do next, vanquish Cerberus?

As for the Latin, you've lost me. Not even Whitaker recognizes "tantibus" as a word, and I can't figure out what you were going for there.

1063519 The dictionary I've been using seems to think it means nightmare. I guess I didn't even question it.

EDIT: I dug a little deeper...hope this one's correct...

I upped the rating to teen just in case there were any younger fillies and colts reading. Hope this chapter isn't too upsetting for you.

:rainbowhuh::rainbowderp:I think I am starting to see where this is going. I wonder if I am right:rainbowkiss:

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