- Member Since 21st Apr, 2012
- offline last seen Jun 14th, 2013
gingerfuntime
Just a guy with some story ideas.
gingerfuntime
Joined 21st Apr, 2012 ·
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go on
You really have a nice style of writing...but...you're too fast. Don't rush the story.
Example: The first paragraph of Chapter 2. After a few minutes small talk she already offers him her home? Too fast.
If I was you I would edit the two Chapters and then continue. Seriously, your writing is quite good...but you have to add more details, like getting to know each other...Vinyl being a bit creeped out.
And one last thing...make Chapters at least 1k words. People tend to dislike a story without reading it if it's too short.
778801 Yeah, good stories need to have longer chapters. 1k at least, and 3k is a good midway point. Any longer and I will have to post a 'challenge accepted' meme.
I haven't read the story yet, but some other people who commented says this story is pretty good, so I guess I'll read this...
weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/dis-gon-b-gud.gif
778801 Thanks! I know it's weird because I'm just starting to write these things but you make a good point
778801 I updated it. It might not be 1k words per chapter, but there is definitely more detail and Vinyl not trusting him. So hope this one's better!
*reads first words of description* erm..
Well that's uncanny 
i may read this
Looks better now. I can say it has potential, but always remember: Not too fast. Always include unnecessary smalltalk and details, even if it looks boring to you. The longer the better.
783498 Thanks for the help, mate.
29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lltzgnHi5F1qzib3wo1_400.jpg it's still a bit strange that you used the name levi though.. i was sorta half expecting you to use my oc
785849 No man
I just like the name Levi 
786767 it's all good no need to worry
Love it so far.
Now you've got it. The story is now officially fun to read. However, in my opinion, the love thing was a little bit fast, but don't worry, that doesn't really matter.
Have some meme
s14.directupload.net/images/120622/a6do6z77.jpg
790354 Haha thanks man. You've been a big help for me to write this
790364
I'm writing a HiE story myself and I know that it's not that easy, so I decided to help every writer, who I think has the skills to write it good. You have those skills.
Let's make generic HiE stories popular again!
So far I really like the idea behind it, but in the first chapter I just want to point out the fact that you put this in;
"Where's my 'God' when I need him? If there was a so-called God wouldn't he help out?"
Any kind of religious beliefs, be it atheist or anything else, isn't necessarily well-accepted in fanfics of any kind. There are definitely a lot of people out there that might agree with you, but I'd just suggest leaving that detail out. I respect your opinion if this quote reflects your real-life beliefs, but leave everyone else out of it. And I certainly don't want to get into an argument because of this, it's just something I want you to take into consideration. Disagree with me if you want, it won't stop me from liking this fic.
In fact, letting that cloud my judgement of this fanfic would be retarded as it's got more things right with it than it has things wrong with it.
I can see this being a really good fanfic. It's rare that Vinyl ever gets paired with a dude (human or pony). I'm definitely tracking and upvoting this; I really wanna see where this goes.
Cheers~!
792114 It doesn't have anything to do with my beliefs, I just wanted it to show how bad his life was, where he had given up on any kind of higher power that could help. And thank you
792270 Alrighty then, you're welcome! Also, if you ever cancel this series I might have to make some cupcakes out of you.
792356
uh, yeah now I'm definitely finishing this 
Sorry chapter 5 took a bit longer than I anticipated, music and family issues got in the way. Hope I wasn't gone too long!
Well done.
816378 Why thank you
I ##,*ing love it.
A good chapter. Really. I wonder how it will continue.
Friendly advice: If you haven't considered that already, try to put some love-difficulties in too. ONly smooth romance gets boring after some time. No hate here, I just wanted to say something
Anyway, keep it up
818104 That was my plan for the next chapter.
This chapter was the lovechild of Apple Jacks
, midnight, and intermittent 4chan breaks. Hope you enjoy! 
Now that was a really good one. Octavia being a creeper, is funny. Let's just say I didn't see it coming that way. Congratulations, now I'm REALLY interested how it continues
GIMME MOAR!
821519 Don't worry, moar's coming
How long?
821878 I'm starting the next chapter tomorrow, should be done friday
Dude wow. I'm sorry that you like Vinyl and all, but for me being an Octavia fan you anger me. Like a stab in the heart twenty times. Octavia is a Lady, not a psycho possessive pony. I am gonna stop reading this fimfic, but I hope you don't make another one story of her being a total duche.
Love the first few chapters though 
Very interesting read, but it does happen to have a few mistakes. First, the read is really short, it goes by too fast because you don't have really anything in there to stall or prolong the story. Of course since it is such a short story, it doesn't really have anything to take your mind off the topic at all. It is good to have a few things to side tract the reader for the main topic to add some spice to the subject. Also, another big thing that I have to point out is you need to understand more about the characters you are writing about. For example, the comment above is correct, you made Octavia seem like this classy, yet spoiled and possessive pony over Vinyl. Octavia is some what similar to Rarity in a way. She is sophisticated and classy, but even with disinterest in subjects or things that some ponies do, she toughens up and just deals with it. She may get snooty once in awhile, but she doesn't reach the point that she seems like she is threatening one's actions. Now if Tavi and Vinyl were together, and it seemed that she was on the verge of losing her, it would make sense that she would get extreme to protect Vinyl, but you have seemed to have made her look really rude instead of protective, if that was your intention.
Very interesting read, just make the chapters longer by adding in side chats or unnecessary events. Understand your character's personalities better, and if you do, figure out what to say and how to say it because each line they say can express their personality in a different way than you want it to. So just know when to put certain lines when they are needed. Otherwise, keep up the good work.
855399 I don't know why you'd stop reading it because a pony you like has a different side to them. I mean, nopony's perfect and I have plans to show that in all the ponies in this story. But it's your choice I'm not gonna get angry cause you didn't like it.
daawwwwww
its a twist on octavias being but for the sake of this story im kinda liking it.
Dis gon be good
IT'S COMPLEEETE
Sorry I've been gone so long everypony, I've been on vacation in the middle of Bumblefuck Nowhere for the past two weeks. Hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I did writing it! Thanks for sticking with me guys! Love y'all! 
YAY!!!!!!!!! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Derpy_Hooves.png
And now, MOAR!!!!!!!!!!dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Derpy_Hooves.png
Oh come on, not now. Don't put this OctYl ship in my face. Please.
Good, good. Dissension and lies, that's the right way. Is it weird that I feel sympathy for Octavia?
I'm so evil....
The main character levi/river flow should do what i do when i Rp with a Vinyl and she rejects me Get Buck'in smashed at the ponyville pub!
Hmmm... Interesting.
925148 hmm...
Hey guys! I figured since I was gone so long, you guys deserve more to compensate. Here ya go!
MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Derpy_Hooves.png