• Member Since 30th Sep, 2014
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Teyeson Bee


"Something random a day keeps the boring away." - Teyeson Bee

E

A human named Jack recounts the tale of him and his best friend Tyler, who had gone through a series of tragic events, and their trip to an Equestrian orphanage in Canterlot.

While there, Tyler meets a timid, emotionally sensitive filly by the name of Bubblegum Brush, who had never known her parents. The two kindred spirits connect, and quickly form a strong, father/daughter relationship.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 10 )

Interesting story so far!:raritystarry: I've yet to read a story where Equestria is part of the world instead of just a gate/portal. Going to be keeping an eye on this for sure.:twilightsmile:

Please pay for my heart medication, its too cute to bear! :fluttershbad:

If you think about this, the way to fix a person's PTSD is by showing imaginary pink horse-babies to them, meaning theres no actual cure.

Such a heartfelt chapter. I wonder how Tyler is going to deal with it all. Looking forward to more!:fluttercry:

Meh I tried and I think I actually read more than I normally would in such a human world prologue chapter that is half of the time never important again, but I'm not sure if that was good or not yet.

I mean when I noticed it was just about his friend and the only part that looked important to me was the dead wife, but next chapter it's Equestria I assume.
Well no matter where they live, I guess in this story there is no need for those annoying "human army tries to capture the pony" events.

If they live in Equestria later, I think I would like his friend to be a guest character once in a while instead of being there all the time. I just got used to at least one unlikeable character in the story, half of the time a friend of the main char. There are other reasons too but yes that was it.

I'm going to read the next chapter later it sounds promissing.

Okay uhhhmmm this time I have a little problem with the fact that it seems the story is telling us about jack seeing what his friend and his new daughter are doing all the time.

Maybe it works out fine but I don't like the "I" told "tyler"
Long story short I guess I don't feel we are the main char.

I think I would prefer it if we where Tyler instead of Jack.
Jack works at the orphanage? Hhhhmmm It's somewhat nice but I had conflicted feelings about the fact. Probably because that means the guy already knows all the filliys there. I'm somehow sometimes just not sure how to write that word.

I hope as soon as Tyler adopts her it will be about Tyler and the girl and not Jack.
I admit that it could be much worse however.

“Look. I appreciate what you’re trying to do for me. I really do. But being surrounded by all these kids is…”

It can help, but I guess he is to pushy, he won't achive anything right away I guess.

I felt my mouth curl into one as well, for I had just figured out what Tyler was doing.

While I noticed it without a sentence like that already to, I will admit that it maybe also helps a little with that scene. I still hope however that we won't just get a ton of timeskips, just because you maybe want to include our friend jack here all the time.

“Well,” I replied, sitting down next to him, “from what I’ve be told, Bubblegum is kind of timid. Doesn’t really talk much.

I'm maybe overstating (overdoing) it a bit right now, but I think rarely a story exist where a timid pony (or whatever condition they have), actually has to deal with it for a long time).
What I mean is, I hope we see a timid Bubblegum for a while.

I kind of wanted Tyler just to go up to Bubblegum put the confused little one in his shopping bag, put her on the bed in his home and say she have to live there now. I didn't finished the scene in my head, but it sounded like something that could make a funny scene.

I was happy with the connection they had together, I should mention the good stuff too. It is just easier to find what you don't like or what you unsure about. However this felt right.

“And don’t you mind what they say about your mane. Nobod- I mean, nopony is made the same, Bubble. Every pony has something different about them, but that’s what makes them so special. That includes you, kiddo!” He gently poked Bubblegum over the heart.

Normally I would say "no no, say Nobody", but this time it's especially about her not being like the other ponies so I think it's okay.

I still don't like the timeskips, but I like it that you try to show the big events.

I should have told him though.

Not sure what that means right now, but hopefully no strange legal story plot about him not being able to adopt a pony kid normally or something like that.

It's really nice, I like such bonding moments and since it was mostly in a orphan so far it was without any strange elements that some stories just seems to have, like in such stories where either an evil doctor or the law needs to fight the father and the new potential daughter.
I think once I even saw Chrysalis attack or something like this.

NIce story but as soon as he adopts her I think I would like to see the story from Tylers eyes, or in a sequel since I believe this is about how the got together. I just don't want Jack to stand in tylers shower only to comment on how the kid and his father brush their teeths before going to bed. (Like some kind of commentator stalker)

The story earned itself an early upvote which it will hopefully not lose because some of the usual events (problems) taking place at least 65% of the time.

edit: make it a long story please, or at least the sequel even if it has no big adventure plot, I only care for the bonding time they have or how they start out their life at home. I also enjoy more social problems but even those don't have to be to many sometimes or need to have to big of an impact.

I should have told him though.

Comment posted by Teyeson Bee deleted Dec 5th, 2018

I wish there was more chapters

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