the DJ and her brother

MThe DJ and her brother: part 2 Electric boogaloo
MLP: FiM
Romance
Comedy
Slice of Life
welp here's another incest story if you dont like incest look elsewhere for smut
Sex
Narcotics
Profanity
Anthro
DJ P0N-3
Other
heart04winds · 4.5k words · 53 14 · 2k views

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Comments ( 15 )

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Zheroxzone

Zheroxzone #1 · Jan 29th, 2018 · · · Chapter 1 ·

Not really into incest but i cant turn down a good Vinyl story, pls continue.

Wild Zontars

Wild Zontars #2 · Jan 29th, 2018 · 7 · · Chapter 1 ·

OK, this has promise (aside from moving to the sex quickly, but that's pretty normal for a first-time clop writer), but please get a proofreader or editor. When your description has grammar, punctuation, or spelling errors in it, a lot of people are going to downvote, maybe leave a nasty comment, and not come back. Here's a group for finding an editor, and here's one just for proofreading, depending on how much help you want.

heart04winds

heart04winds #3 · Jan 29th, 2018 · · · Chapter 1 ·

8698900
thank you, I was going to look for a proofreader but was afraid most people wouldint want to proofreed or edit an incest clopfic

Solas Mean Oiche

Solas Mean Oiche #4 · Jan 29th, 2018 · 2 · · Chapter 1 ·

8698972
You might be surprised, actually. Incest seems to be fairly popular, or at least not viewed with as much distaste, within the clop reader section of our fandom.

Mist

Mist #5 · Jan 29th, 2018 · 4 · 1 · Chapter 1 ·

Okay being incest is not an excuse to publish unedited rubbish.

Not trying to be a total dick here, but like... the fact that you openly admit it's not even remotely edited and you put "working title" on a story you already published shows you clearly should go back to the drawing board.

The story itself is kind of a bottom of the barrel attempt at views via pure smut, nothing more. Incest or not, this could be a concept that could work. Building reasoning and a connection between the characters to make it all make sense to the reader, however only a single chapter in and not even a few paragraphs down and sex is already well underway without much justification.

Grammar is poor, spelling is poor, it makes for a very unenjoyable read.

Please take this not as me being a jerk, but as me trying to give you honest unsugarcoated advice. I think your concept could be a good story, but it needs a lot of ironing out, planning, and editing.

Filthy Pony

Filthy Pony #6 · Jan 29th, 2018 · 5 · 8 · Chapter 1 ·

Too bad its Anthro

Lavender_Raindrops

Lavender_Raindrops #7 · Jan 29th, 2018 · · · Chapter 1 ·

Yeah this needs editing. Plus you really shouldn't use peoples art without permission. Especially since that was a commissioned pic based upon someone else's story. It's just common courtesy.

funguy26