- Member Since 25th Oct, 2014
- offline last seen Dec 18th, 2023
Warmachine
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Warmachine
Joined 25th Oct, 2014 ·
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I'm guilty of this all the time, so I'll point it out for you! In your long description, you misused "your" instead of "you're". Also, you have changling instead of changeling. Don't get me wrong, I love me some community references and that one is changtastic, but you might need to chang it back. People will notice this right away and never read your story, even if it's a-chang-ing. Yeah, I chang'd that.
7874072 thanks my dude
i love this, keep writing
(maybe elaboration later)
7875792 awesome, im glad you liked it! This comment actually improves my confidence in this story ten-fold.
existent*
"Roll playing" should be "role playing".
I love this fanfic. Loaded it up before I left and it was only three chapters. Now there's 4! I hope this fanfic lasts for a while.
"Of course I do sweetie, but in a different way. I love you as a mother, you have to fine a mare who will love you as a wife."
You should change fine to find.
Also great job on the fanfic so far im really enjoying it.
And did I see some foreshadowing too because if I did then that's awesome.
The characters seem interesting, although the chapter could use some improvement, especially at the beginning. I was also missing some character descriptions as well as names there. It just was a bit impractical that one had to conclude the names as the story went.
I honestly was cheering for both to be knocked up. Sure, it probably would have been too early for that but I found the thought interesting of Steam being locked into the body of a filly.
Also like last descriptions I would have liked a description of at least the mane and fur coat of the filly. I mean, he could have imitated Scootaloo and none would be the wiser without description. Actually it is a nice idea to use an existing character for this since you then would have image material for it. It doesn't have to be Scootaloo, I'm sure there are enough background pegasus filly cuties to do the job!
Also a pity he didn't do the dragoness.
7885214 honestly, I left the character descriptions open for the reader to paint their own mental image. I figured since this story is suppose to be as kinky as possible anyway, I'd just let each of the readers draw the characters with their mind and if they had any special color fetishes, they could add it themselves while imagining the story as it happens.
7885214 in addition, I'm glad you enjoyed! And I was honestly considering something like that happening, but as you said its a bit to early... But that doesn't mean it couldn't happen.
The octopus was interesting. Only thing I find a pity with octopuses is that they don't spray cum from their tentacles, like the common tentacle monsters. In any case nice chapter!
7886042
I don't think it works out so well, considering you mentioned Ice color scheme later. I remember something about blue eyes for example and fur or mane color were also mentioned sometime. Not to mention that the Name Ice or River can give one expectations about their looks.
I'm also interested in hearing about the parents in future chapters. They weren't mentioned before, but I assume they might be perverts too. At least I have read something in one of the chapters that seemed like a hint towards it.
7886156 since I finally have a commenter that gives input, (thank you by the way) I have two questions for you.
First off, what do you think would be a good remedy for the character discription problem I have now? Second, what gave you the impression that their parents are perverted as well? I'd like to know so I might incorporate it later.
7886936
The remedy is rather easy. Once Steam transformed into Ice you can use that to describe her for example, but also mention the name.
And River could be described at the beginning with his jealousy. Some paragraph along the lines of: 'I looked down at my x-colored coat and my x mane.' You could also mention his name somewhere in the beginning to introduce the family better. Something along the lines of: 'My name is River and I'm the oldest/middle-son/youngest of three siblings.'
Steams name is not something you need to introduce since he greets him at the very beginning then he walks in. And since he is a changeling that doesn't really make it necessary to describe his looks, with exception if he has anything special to it. An accessoire, something with his mane, and so on. But you didn't mention anything so I guess there is no need.
Adult Party might not be the biggest hint towards it, considering you probably meant something other, but my perverted mind immediately drifted to a fetish party of sorts, considering this is a fetish story.
7887391 sweet, thanks man
has anyone else noticed the pattern with the names?
Truthfully, I don't have any complaints so far. I think it's great and I even get excited when a new chapter is made so keep it up. Ooh and I like dp so if you want add more of that otherwise I don't really have many other suggestions
7893918 dp?
7894066 double penetration
good story but.. your pick of names is a little to watered down
7908000 aaaaayyyyyyyyyeeeeeeee!
My, my. Seems like the group expands!
I'm honestly now curious what the father is thinking. Would he accept what is currently going on? It certainly seems to get more interesting each chapter.
so now hes got 2 mares preggers......next his mom and lastly his changeling brother or viseversa.....
It's interesting to see the whole family now is into it. This pretty much means that the whole house is now fair game. They could even have fun on the breakfast table. This ranges from riding someone on the same stool, to spitroast or blowjob under the table, and so on. I certainly wouldn't mind if they invited Freeze over for breakfast then and gave her the 'most important meal of the day'.
Just noticed that the changeling tag is missing.
8193895 nor did I... But they qualify as OCs as well... I will probably change it at some point. Thanks for pointing that out!
Will there be a part 2 or why are all the chapters called part 1?
8422108
That is (or was, haven't decided yet) the plan. I am thinking about either possibly adding some new characters or switching to another family and eventually tying them all together. Any input is appreciated.
8425357
That would be really awesome
I hope you can get to it
I imagine you may have heard something along these lines, and if this comment tries your patience then I apologize now, but...is there any chance of us seeing a sequel, chapters for additional parts, short stories...anything
? I'd really love to see more material based on this. Maybe when all parties are older after having had their first children? Some scenes showing how the family interacts on a regular basis after this little even? Seems like there could be so much more for it to end here
.
8879878
I appreciate your kind way of asking the question. I'm going to be honest, I was half way through the next chapter months ago and have not touched it since. If I were to continue it, there would be very little sex in it. That being said, I like your idea of a fast forward. This might just be a thing that happens. I'm not promising anything, but I'll see if I can finish off the story strong.
8881424
. Hope to hear more on this soon
.
While I'm sure all of your fans would love to see a bit more of your clop material, many of your fans and I would certainly be happy with what you can manage. And thank you for hearing me out
8881480
cheers m8, nothing ends my day right like hearing someone else got something out of what I did. So as genuine and honest as I can manage, Thank you for reading and I hope you continue to enjoy my work.
8881723
I still want to hear how freeze is doing