- Member Since 21st Jan, 2018
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It is better to be kind in a world full of hate, then join that hate and become part of the problem. Simply be kind and better.
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Joined 21st Jan, 2018 ·
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- Halo456 · 9.5k words · 21 2 · 829 views
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Sweet, we need more human in FoE stories. As far as grammar goes, it's not great, but I've seen much worse.
...why are so many comments deleted?
The reason why so many comments were deleted was because the majority of them were very rude and insulting to me as a writer and to my story and trust me I can take criticism but if you don’t give me any helpful pointers or tell me what I could fix and are just not even compliment or say what was good and just be rude and disrespectful then I will delete that comment
The Good: Unique story idea, the overall flow of the chapters is good, characters aren't bad.
The Bad: Take a deep breath. Pause. Slow down. Use your punctuation to separate your thoughts. The most common problem in your grammar is run-on sentences. This ruins the flow of each paragraph, making everything feel incredibly rushed like we're being pushed through the story, unable to enjoy the details.
The Ugly: Two big things:
1) Never start a paragraph with but. Never start a sentence with but, or, and, or anything like those words. You may want to, but that's because when you're talking it's fine (it's not but blegh, everyone does it anyway so it is). When you do dialogue, you can break a few rules because of how people talk. Everywhere else, you'll lose a lot of meaning and impact behind the words if you don't use them right.
2) Avoid cliches. Things like cutting the tension with a knife. They seem lazy, everyone has heard them so they are boring, and by coming up with creative ways to say the same thing gives your writing some unique voice because you came up with something all on your own. Sometimes a cliche is useful (blegh, dialogue) but most of the time they are poison.
Just some advice for the future.
Deleting comments, particularly impartial criticism intended to help you improve your story, does not reflect kindly upon your image. I hope that you at least took what I offered to heart and will put it to good use.
I would not recommend deleting any more comments if you want anyone to give this a chance.
8952201
I am sorry for deleting comments including yours it will not happen again.
Also, I should not have overreacted over the feedback that I got from this story I promise to never delete any comment on any of my stories ever again.
Will give this a read.
GAGH! That description… The sentences… The lack of commas, they burn!
Ya well, this was my first story that I wrote and I will say this now it was not the best.
8683484
YEA
9642661
If you notice, most complaints weren’t on the concept, simply look up a few grammar rules, apply them, and it will instantly become more enjoyable.
10013018
I thank you for the advice which I will use.
8897682
Yeah I am no longer going to be doing that anymore. This is your guys area to comment and criticize which as an author I should be able to take. Though I started writing some time ago and when I was younger let’s just say I was not very thick skinned which means I did not handle criticism well or many other things. Let’s just say I changed that right quick and I changed for the better. Also to those comments I deleted I am truly sorry.
new and Longest chapter!
Glad you still writting this story,man
10788294
Yeah well let’s just say I have been inactive for too long and I want to finish my stories here and then move on to the others I have planned for two years now.