Dry thunder made every bit of glass within the infirmary rattle. It was hot, sticky, the air was thick to the point of almost-soupiness, and yet Sundance was so cold that he almost shivered. He barely understood the reason why, something about blood vessel constriction and a lack of significant blood flow. Corduroy assured him that this would pass, perhaps in a few hours, and then he would be fine.
As for Corduroy herself, she was hunched over her workbench and she did nurse-dog things, whatever those things might be. He heard the burble and slosh of liquid, the clink of glass, and the soft hiss of a blue-flamed burner. Corduroy’s work ethic was indomitable, almost intimidating. She worked through a task until completion, with no thought given to fatigue.
“You did right to push me away from the water tower.”
River Raider’s voice was unexpected; Sundance believed her to be asleep.
“That was brave of you. You had your priorities straight. I might’ve wrecked it. Don’t know if it would have hurt me much, but it would’ve been a pain to rebuild. You had remarkable clarity of thought in that moment.” There was a long, drawn out, thunder-filled pause, and then she continued, “Your concern for me is unexpected, but appreciated.”
He thought about his words carefully, but didn’t know what to say. She already knew his motivations, his reasons—there was a chance that she might understand his own thoughts better than he did. The conversation felt one sided, but he refused to feel intimidated by this. Even though she praised him for his actions, he still felt conflicted from his actions.
Since this conversation seemed to be complicated to breach, he chose a far more simple conversation, and asked her, “So, what happened?”
River Raider replied, “I like talking. Like, I like talking a lot. Me and my kind, from our control group, we hardly talk to one another. We use telepathy and mind-to-mind communication, to make it stronger. But mine is already too strong. Rather than talk to me, I just get ignored. I’m the freak. The factory reject. The failure. I like to talk. I like hearing the sound of my own voice. It helps to drown out all other voices I hear inside my head.” She drew in a deep breath.
“I was actually getting a bit of sleep, which doesn’t happen as often as I’d like. Earlier, I’d gorged on fish, frogs, and crunchy, crunchy crawfish.” She smacked her lips and the sound rivaled the thunder outside. “So I was getting some much-needed sleep and I woke up covered in swarming spiders. Just the little ones. I could sense the common-mind they all shared. Naturally, I defended myself. Bigger spiders moved in to subdue me. I was webbed, bitten, but the little spiders couldn’t pierce my hide.
“Dumb little spiders misjudged their prey. Nature doesn’t forgive that, you know. So the biggest spiders move in and they start shredding my wings with their clawed feet and they bite me. But hairy spiders are flammable—surprise—and so am I. One of nature’s quirks. I’m a fire-breather that can set themselves on fire. Spiders with watermelon-sized bodies are all over me, stabbing me, biting me, slashing at me with their clawed, bladed legs. My cave is swarmed. Early on, I know this a fight I can’t win, so I escaped, and came here for help. I’m pretty sure my home sweet home is now spider swarm central.”
“That’s… not… good…” Huddled beneath his blankets, Sundance wondered if a showdown with the spider swarm was inevitable. He thought about what Paradox had just told him not that long ago. If the swarm came here—he shivered, and it wasn’t just the cold chill that wracked his body. How did one go about fighting a writhing, wriggle mass of spiders?
Spider season, indeed.
“Flasks of alchemical fire would help,” River Raider suggested. “Unicorns with fire spells. Friendly dragons. One or two somewhat annoyed alicorns. A contingent of Immortal Solars. Princess Celestia’s glorious orbital bombardment. You know, she keeps miles-long rocks in orbit for emergencies just like this one.”
“That’s a bit much,” Corduroy replied. “So the spiders have gone hive-minded?”
“Without a doubt. I felt it. Sensed it. All of it. It stretched.”
Stretched? Sundance didn’t like how this sounded. Stretched. He tried to imagine how this was, but his mind drew a blank. It was something outside of his experience, and his imagination lacked the means to conceive it. With a waggle of his wing, he flipped his blanket over his head, and then peered out whilst he resisted the urge to shiver. If only he could get warm, he would feel better.
“One mind stretched over many bodies. One unifying thought, one need, one motive, one desire. And that is hunger. While hive minds can be complex, this one isn’t. The spiders are stupid. Not much in the way of brains. If complexity was introduced into the collective mind, it would probably destroy it. No, they keep it simple, and every member of the host wants the same thing.”
“Fascinating insight,” Corduroy remarked while still hunched over her work. “So do we take out the central mind?”
“There is no central mind, as far as I know. As I stated, simple and stupid.”
“Oh.” Corduroy seemed dismayed, at least it sounded this way to Sundance’s ears. “Well, I did collect some tar oil a while back. Was planning to make soap and other stuff. I suppose I’d better make a few alchemical grenades. I have lots of potassium nitrate and sulfur all processed.”
“Why would you have potassium nitrate stockpiled?” asked River Raider.
Corduroy shrugged. “Tree stump removal. Fertiliser. You know. Common uses.”
“Riiiight.” River Raider wiggled a bit, which caused her bed to creak alarmingly beneath her bulk.
“Is there something I should know?” Sundance first peeked out from beneath his blanket at his nurse, and then at the bandaged behemoth in the next bed over.
“I’ve yet to meet an alchemist who didn’t make bombs as a hobby—”
“Hey, I dabble in fireworks.” Corduroy spoke in a low, almost growly deadpan. “Bombs hurt others. I am a pacifist, and a healer. Fireworks are entertaining.”
“You know I can read your thoughts like an open book, right?”
Corduroy did not respond. Nothing was said. She remained hunched over for a time, her breathing low, slow, and steady. Then, without warning, she rose suddenly. Paw-fingers flexing, she stretched her spine to straighten it, gave her tail a wag to unkink it, and without saying a word, she left. As the door closed, Sundance could feel the tension left behind—it hung heavy in the air in much the same way as the thunderstorm outside.
“Oh good, she’s gone,” River Raider said.
“Uh—”
“Shut up and listen to what I have to say. You and I, we can’t be friends.”
“We can’t?”
“No.” River Raider’s tone was firm. “We can’t.”
“No?”
“Look, don’t make this worse.”
“I’d kind of like to know why.”
“I suppose I owe you that.” River Raider sighed, and curls of sooty smoke rose from her bandaged face. “You’re attracted to me. And I can’t deal with that. It’s repulsive. Grosses me out. I’m sorry, but I have my reasons. The worst part is, I like you. But it is for the best if we just go our separate ways.”
Beneath his blanket, Sundance shivered whilst he tried to understand what was said.
“It’s nothing against you.” River Raider’s tone softened a bit, and more smoke whorled upwards from her muzzle. “It’s me. It’s entirely me.” A throaty rumble reverberated within her massive bulk. “Ugh, that sounds even worse when it is said aloud. Look… I am a flaw. A mistake. A reject. A dead end. I am genetically unsound.
“But even with all these faults, others still wanted to fronk me.” She paused, and rumbled for a time before she continued, “It started young. Too young. I wasn’t even mature yet, and I became aware of the desire that others had for me. I couldn’t turn my mind off to protect myself. They told me it was normal. Natural. I was female and males would want me. Sometimes, certain thoughts come into the mind unbidden. It doesn’t mean they’ll act on what they think.
“I was told to filter it out, but I couldn’t. So in my most formative years, I was told that I was a dead end, but I was aware that others wanted to have their way with me. It was too much. I never sorted it out. I couldn’t sort it out. The perversions of others just disgusted me, and I couldn’t deal with them. Which is why I isolated myself.”
Sundance said his thoughts aloud: “You really do like to talk, don’t you?”
All he got in return was silence. Uncomfortable silence. He was afraid to think anything, for fear that she might perceive his thoughts wrong, but then he knew that she was already aware of his fears. At least, that seemed likely. He couldn’t hide anything from her—but that might actually work out to his advantage.
“We can still be friends, you know,” he said to her.
“No,” she replied, “we can’t. Mares and stallions can’t be friends. It doesn’t work that way. The only reason a stallion ever shows any kind of friendship to a mare is because he wants to fronk her. That’s it. That’s the ugly truth.”
“You’re wrong.” Sundance was fearful that he might be wrong, but he flew straight for the heart of the storm anyway. “I am friends with Paradox… and Corduroy. Lots of females, actually… and as far as I am aware, I don’t want to fronk them. If I do, it is a subconscious thing.” He was aware of his rising doubt, and knew that River Raider surely sensed it as well. “I take offense to the idea that we can’t be friends.”
Things became even more confusing when Sundance thought of Turmeric.
Miserable, frozen, shivering, Sundance tried to make sense of his own thoughts, and a part of him actually resented River Raider for probably having a better understanding of his own inner-workings than he did. She was in there right now, having herself a look around, and none of his secrets were safe. Perhaps she was aware of the secrets he kept hidden from himself. Paranoid fear crept into the fringes of his thoughts, and he began to wonder if perhaps he might delude himself when it came to his feelings about Paradox and Corduroy.
“I’ll be damned.”
Sundance’s pricked ears caused the blanket to pull away from his face.
“Unexpected.”
He waited, fearful of saying anything.
“You don’t actually want to shag Paradox.”
“I don’t?” Sundance was rather surprised to learn this.
“Oh, trust me, I am just as surprised as you are right now. There is only simple, uncluttered goodness in your mind.”
“So… you and I can be friends—”
“No, we can’t. Because you’re attracted to me.”
“Doesn’t mean I have to act on it. I can behave myself.”
“Huh… you actually believe that. I mean, it is one thing to say it… anypony could say that… but you mean it. Right now, you actually feel guilty for causing me discomfort. I don’t know what to make of this.”
“I do? Feel guilty, I mean… well, I suppose I do.”
“You’re nauseatingly good.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment, thanks.”
“Disgusting.”
Sundance poked his muzzle out from beneath his blanket and allowed his thoughts to flow unhindered. He had nothing to hide and wanted River Raider to experience all of his nauseating, disgusting goodness. She clearly needed a friend, somepony who would listen to her, so she could talk. Because she liked to talk. She was a chatterbox with a lot to say and she was in desperate need of a sympathetic ear.
“This won’t work,” she said to him. “If we’re friends, sooner or later, you’ll think that you have a chance with me. That things will somehow work out. You’ll get your hopes up, and then I’ll have to crush them. Look, I have enough regrets that rob me of sleep. I don’t want to have to be nasty to a creature of such sickening goodness. No offense, but I don’t need that kind of guilt in my life.”
“For the record, I’m sticking my neck out to be friends with you. It’s not like you’d be an easy friend. I am willing to deal with all of you complications… even if nothing ever happens between us.” Sundance wished that he was smarter, that he had a better understanding of how to deal with this, but he was stuck with working with what he had.
She sighed, and sent billowing clouds of smoke upwards. “You’re right. The very fact that I know what you are thinking right now is the reason why I’d be a difficult friend. No privacy. Total honesty. You couldn’t tell little fiblets to spare my feelings. There is no way you could be socially duplicitous. I would know your motivations… understand them better than you do, perhaps. The fact that you’re willing to put up with this says a lot about you.”
“And my disgusting goodness?” he asked.
“A lot of supposedly ‘good’ creatures actually have some pretty disturbing stuff in their minds. Things that they repress. Unwholesome things. Hidden desires and secret shames. Like you and your feelings for your friend, Turmeric. You want to try things, just to see what they are like. Without attachment, for the sake of mere experimentation. But you won’t act on it because you’re afraid that it will ruin your friendship.”
Stunned to silence, Sundance tried to sort out his thoughts. It was true that he had some feelings about his friend, Turmeric, but until right now, this moment, he was unaware of the depths of said feelings. Which confirmed his suspicions; River Raider knew him better than he knew himself. Upon further reflection, this had to be reassuring for River, because she had to know that if he wouldn’t act on his feelings for Turmeric for the sake of friendship, then he most certainly wouldn’t act upon the feelings he had for her. Quite without meaning to do so, he stumbled into a better understanding of himself, and was grateful for this opportunity.
“You’re welcome,” River Raider said without a shred of sarcasm or snark.
“Can… can you help me—”
“Understand yourself better?” She finished off his question in a perfectly neutral tone. “Why would you do this to yourself? Why would you ask the object of your forbidden desires to be your friend and to plumb the depths of your unknown secrets? And don’t you dare say, ‘friendship is magic’. Don’t even think it—I just said don’t you even think it but you did it anyway!”
“I couldn’t help it,” he blurted out whilst he thought of apologetic thoughts. Mostly, he thought about her telepathy as a blessing rather than the curse she believed it to be. He thought about it real hard. As hard as he could. With as much mental effort as he could muster, he thought about how she could use her gift to help somepony, so that her suffering might have some meaning, some value, some greater purpose.
“Ugh, you really are disgustingly good. I can see why Celestia put you here. She wanted you out of the way so you wouldn’t be a detriment to others.” River Raider rolled over onto her side, kicked out her bandaged legs, and then went still. “Look… the world isn’t what you believe it to be. It is a horrible wretched place populated with horrible wretched creatures, awful, terrible creatures with perverse, wicked minds, and all of society is an illusion. Somehow, you missed the memo.”
“I dunno, I’ve looked at some pretty, uh, perverted porn. My innocence can’t be what you make it out to be.”
“Pfah,” she spat. “You didn’t let it change you. And you didn’t go looking at anything soul-destroying, like foal-fronking porn. Your mind isn’t cluttered by gross things.”
Sundance deflated. He didn’t have an answer for that. He thought about the traumatic conversation with his mother when he found out that certain things done in porn were real. Yes, it seemed that his naïveté was intact. It was comforting to know that the world hadn’t corrupted him, but also disheartening to learn just how disconnected he was from the world at large.
“If I may confess, I am confused by your attraction to me. Oh, I get it. I know exactly why you are attracted… I understand your fetishes, such as they may be. But I still don’t get it. I am not physically beautiful by the standards and societal expectations of your kind.”
“Uh”—he licked his lips, nervous about what he was about to say—“for all of your mind reading, if you can’t see why I find you beautiful, then maybe you don’t know as much as you think you know. It might be time to reconsider what you think you see.”
She snorted, a mighty blast that permeated the air with the scent of woodsmoke.
“It’s like reading a book… you might read the words, but that doesn’t mean you understand them. I’ve read lots of books, but there are whole chapters I failed to comprehend. Yes, I do think you’re beautiful. I like looking at you. Something about you pushes all the right buttons. So it seems that you can read thoughts, but not abstracts.”
Again, she snorted, and this time Sundance allowed himself just a little smug satisfaction.
“Don’t get cocky,” she warned.
“You don’t understand the how or why—”
“I just said don’t get cocky.”
It was a puzzle. She was a puzzle. River Raider was a riddle, something for him to ponder and figure out. He used his wings to pull and tuck his blankets against his sides, and he pulled his frozen legs beneath him with the hopes of somehow getting them warm again. River Raider might know him better than he understood himself, she might know his secrets, but she didn’t understand the inner workings, the clockwork of his thoughts. He was a book with hidden, obscured context, and while she could read his sentences, she had trouble deriving their meaning.
“Corduroy has cooled off and she’s coming back,” River Raider said. “Not a word. I could probably make her leave again, but I already feel bad about the first time I did it. That’s gonna keep me from sleeping, I just know it. I’ll be up all day fretting about it and feeling guilty for manipulating her. But I needed a moment to speak to you in private. I wish I hadn’t, because now I feel awful.”
“Wait—”
“She feels guilty about her dabbling into dangerous, potentially harmful alchemy. She believes it should be used for healing, not harm. She justifies it with fireworks, but her mind is deeply unsettled by the knowledge contained therein. Make no mistake, your alchemist could scrub a city right off the map with no appreciable effort. The guilt eats at her.”
“Oh—” Sundance was about to say more, but he heard something just beyond the door.
“You do whatever. I’m going to pretend that I’m asleep now.”
The door opened, Corduroy entered, and Sundance didn’t quite know what to say or do.
I like River Raider so far. Her telepathy has already been shown to be A.) A detriment to her in a lot of ways and B.) Not all powerful. I think the effects it has on her maintain a good balance for the character in the story.
She seems like a nice lady.
River Raider is the embodiment of my this voice I have.
It screams in my mind as I consume many stories.
It yells...
"Why won't you fronking idiots just lay your cards on the table and actually solve these problems before they explode in your stupid faces!?"
When I say many stories maybe I mean Supernatural.
But not just that one!
But mostly that one.
She can be a force that slams that crap right on the table. I look forward to it.
Now I'm imagining one of the Sisters coming over after an annoying day at court and dealing out death to spiders.
I find I want to help River but I don't know how. Because being unable to filter out everyone else's thoughts sounds horrible. :( Maybe River and Sundance could be pen pals? That doesn't require any physical interaction. She could interact (indirectly) with another pony and not have her mind full of their thoughts. Come to think of it, how is she even remotely sane?
I think River Raider underestimates how others value her as a pony. If she were only considered a resource, would she have been allowed to leave to live her own life? Suitable for breeding or not, a telepath as powerful as she is would still have all kinds of uses for somepony willing to exploit her, not least of which as a weapon.
9935390
She's not. Read her character sheet. Link can be found under blog posts, if you click the little drop down on the story that connects the blog posts.
She kind of reminds me of someone having a talk with the Ferryman. (If that makes any sense) For the record I enjoyed her character.
She is a cinnamon roll.
Keep doing things with her, Kudzu.
I'm enjoying River Raider, and seeing where her character arc goes
I have, in my life, known more than one woman that hated themselves so strongly that they automatically thought less anyone that was attracted to them.
She lives far away from other beings so she won't hear them. This seems to indicate that telepathy has a range if getting away from beings weakens it, like getting to far from a cell tower. So thoughts are transmitted by something. Electromagnetic waves or thaumatrons seem to be the best options in this world. Metals tend to block EM waves, Copper, Gold, Silver, Moon silver, Star metal, ( Nickel Iron ??). Thaumatrons ? the things that I have seen mentioned are Null Wood and Null Stone. Perhaps a helmet of one of these or a combination of them.
Dude, seriously creative mind-flexing at work here. I've never run into a character like this before—in terms of River Raider's telepathy 'issue' being a factor of troubling social development, and subsequent isolation—but it's such an absolutely interesting take. Every time you update, you always bring in some fresh, intriguing, and puzzling aspect to the world. I'm really looking forward to this arc.
hum Sundance and River? in the long run they would be good for each other.
9935476
Many, many, many yards of rock, as was revealed earlier in the story.
I like this one, even as I acknowledge her power to disrupt normal narrative flow via telepathic potency. However, as Sundance mentioned and is assumedly correct about, she can read the words but not always understand their context. So who's to say that River Raider is as reliable a narrator as she claims to be? That kind of expectation, is it dramatic irony? It's opposite? That kind of expectation and disjunction can be a narrative all on its own.
River Raider is incredibly fascinating, and I look forward to seeing more of her. She doesn't come across as exposition-y at all, at least, not in a bad way. She said it herself, she loves talking, and it seems reasonable that she would motor-mouth a bit at times.
And the dynamic between her and Sundance is doubly fascinating. They're these two incredibly different people, who've lead incredibly different lives, whose strengths and weaknesses seem to line up so fortuitously. I foresee a great amount of mutual character growth.
Also, The Baron is being adorable and you can't stop him.
i like river
The issue is NOT that she has a lot of exposition. There's enough of that in your stories as is. I think it's more that this story is far less complicated, with shorter chapters, and FAR less exposition than your main stories overall.
I don't think it's a bad thing as long as her expositions take up too much space. You'll just have to balance her a lot more carefully than in your stories with regular 10k+ word count chapters.
It just FEELS like it's too much since many of your chapters are around 3k. Occasionally almost 4-5k. Though they drop low closer to 1k at times. So the the amount of words themselves isn't too many, it's just how much Exposition takes a large percentage of a chapter.
You're just going to have to think hard on how to balance and/or tool your stories around her exposition better I think going forward. Maybe try to include a bit of fluff after a larger chunk of her exposition, like "panning" to HollyHock with the children, or the other peasants doing things in their daily life.
River Raider has a feeling about her that reminds me of other "telepath" characters that came up similar to her. Most of them wound up socially inept due to 'thinking' they knew people because they knew the contents of their minds, disregarding free agency, intent, and so on.
Her argument tbat Sundance's attraction to her makes friendship impossible with him because he'd eventually want to act on his desires demonstrates that she doesn't account for impulse control. Her believing she is a genetic defect is indicative of the abusive nature of night pegasus communes at present, which further impacts her ability to get on with others.
She is a great character, giving us a clear window into other characters, but also if one looks at her words and thoughts she verbalizes we see she is insecure and cautious, likely due to some past trauma she has yet to mention, save vaguely.
My vote is keep it coming, Kudzu... she's fine as-is at present. Just utilize her carefully. *silently ships Sundance and River*
9935390
She's a creation that exists to develop good, desired traits, and then pass them on genetically. Each of the night-terrors is an essential experiment towards their stability and future as a species instead of just a collection of monsters with a little god-juice holding their parts together. She is a failure, half of her purpose is gone, and the first half can't be brought to fruition. Such is forced evolution through breeding programs. Sad and cruel, but absolutely necessary. Some will suffer for the good of everyone in the future.
She's one of those who will suffer - and I don't doubt it's a large contributor to her state of mind and insanity (I haven't seen her sheet yet). But, there's a chance she'll make a meaningful relationship or several here, so that suffering might be alleviated.
A little telepathy hoes a long way.
I like the way River can read minds, but not understand the complexities of emotion and feelings connected to the thoughts. Makes for a good downside to a rather powerful ability. And if she can manage to train it she will be a good ally to the Barony. 2 such characters would be too much, but 1 that doesn’t enjoy being around other because of said telepathy being on at all times makes it interesting and amazing when in the right setting
“Heard a singer on the radio, late last night. Said he’s gonna kick the darkness ‘til it bleeds daylight...” U2, God, Pt 2 (IIRC)
If your worried about breaking narrative... Then embrace it... It's time for Pinky to pay a visit. Then any 4th wall breaking become part of the narrative.
Well a bucolic setting with simple peasants seems like an ideal place for her. Sounds like the big city traumatized her. I like her character. It sad she has such a low opinion of her fellow equines.
I would imagine being an unrestrained telepath would be a bit like having an internet call where the telepath gets video and sound, but the other person only receives text. The speed and level of information each side gets just can’t compare.
I like her so far
I have been looking foward to learning more about River since Sundance first talked to her. I know that writing for a telepath most be really hard . But I have really enjoyed her so far. She is the type of character who makes me think about such things as, what would be like to interact with someone like, how can Sundance and her get along, and makes me think about what she would think if she saw my thoughts. I love characters like her because of this.
I for one actually LIKE River's character!! Yes she does talk a lot, but I do appreciate what she's doing for Sundance. He needs a LOT of help with the barony, And for all her faults, River could be a valuable asset. I would actually like to see Sundance with a love interest, whichever pony/creature you set him up with has GOT to be interesting, though. Looking forward to reading the rest of this story with pleasure
I absolutely LOVE river. Shes epic. And they need to fronk!!!
10637044
If you love River, then pay attention as to why that isn't possible.