The birth of the Bunny Bombardiers
Hennessy seemed distracted, out of sorts, and more than a little tired. Concerned, Sundance worried for his friend, and wondered if maybe Hennessy should get a little sleep, but the resolute earth pony had refused several times now. Standing a yard or so away, Sundance watched as his friend kept looking westwards towards the city of Canterlot. Everything felt wrong somehow; Canterlot was besieged by rats and there was very real danger, while the barony had to contend with bunnies. The contrast was strong, poignant, and yet Sundance understood that while the severity of the threat was different, it was still a threat. If he failed to deal with it, there would be far-reaching consequences.
So, he had to act.
“One day, Sundance… you will fall in love. And the very thing that attracts you to that pony might also be a source of great frustration and consternation in your relationship.” With a gentle shake of his head, Hennessy closed his eyes for but a moment—but longer than a mere blink—and when they opened once more he somehow seemed far more fatigued. “She ordered him to retreat. He was told to fall back and regroup in the auditorium. She made her orders so very clear, and this time of all times, he disobeyed her. I saw the heartbreak in her eyes… the pain. As we pulled back, he held the hall. She tried to command him to fall back… she screamed at him… I’d not heard her scream like that in quite some time… but he shut the doors and fused them together. He melted the metal until it was just a lump and I thought that would be the last time I saw him. I thought it would be the last time I saw him and I was so angry at him… yet I cannot help but feel that he did the right thing. But he broke her heart to do so.”
Feeling a bit stupid, Sundance had no choice but to ask, “Who?”
“Why, Princess Celestia of course.” Then, the tired earth pony added, “Sorry if I failed to make that clear. I’m not all here right now.”
“It’s fine, Hennessy. I should’ve guessed.”
“When all of this is over and everything is sorted out and everything is calm once more, she is going to give him a dressing down that is going to go into the history books. And I am not prepared to deal with the emotional consequences of that. But I have to, because I have no choice. Because I’m with Flicker, which means I have to deal with the consequences of his lifestyle. That’s what it means to be in love, Sundance. To be committed. And sometimes, no matter how much you might be in love, or how committed you might be… sometimes you get sick of somepony else’s shit.”
At a loss for words, Sundance didn’t know what to say, so he did not respond beyond a faint nod of his head.
“And then there’s Piper… she treads a dark path, Sundance. She uses emotion to fuel her magic. And while I don’t believe that is inherently wrong, I don’t think that Piper has the right temperament to sustain herself. More and more, she thrives on rage and anger. I fear for what she might become and what all of this endless fighting is doing to her. She’s grown so strong… so skilled… but at what cost? I worry that she’ll become like Balister, a pony kept alive solely by his own hatred. Whatever was once good in Balister has been replaced by cold, unfeeling metal. He lives for the fight. He lives to fight. And then there’s me… and sometimes I question my place in all of this.”
“It is dangerous to mix emotion and magic,” Paradox said as she approached. “Some great wizards manage it. Vinyl Scratch is known for her command and her mastery of such magic. So is Dim. But to do this means having mastery over both magic and your emotions… which many ponies do not have. To master both requires a great effort. Which is why this practice is frowned upon. For many, it means a bad end.”
“Which is what I fear for Piper,” said Hennessy.
“You wanted to see me, Sundance?” asked Paradox.
“I did, Paradox. We have a job to do.”
“More paperwork?”
“Not today.” Sundance took a much-needed moment to collect his thoughts. “We’re going to go bunny bombing. The three of us. I plan to pull my sky truck, and I want both of you back there. Hennessy, you’ll be able to see the rabbits underground. I’m not even going to ask how that works. As for you, Paradox, I need for you to make things explode.”
“I’m a tower wizard—”
“You live in a tree that lays on its side.”
With her piercing gaze focused on Sundance, Paradox cleared her throat. “I am a tower wizard but I think I can handle this. You want me to rain down fiery death and destruction from above.”
“Not really, no,” he replied. “Then we’d have to worry about a forest fire and that’s a problem I’m not prepared to deal with.”
“I can create terrific implosive blasts. A quick flash that creates a vacuum, and then everything in a wide area is sucked in and crushed. There’ll be some burning, but the implosion should knock the fire out. I’ve never done it while flying about so I don’t know how good I’ll be in a distracted state. Like I said, I am a tower wizard. If I get distracted, things could go wrong.”
“This highlights my state of thought as an earth pony. The first thing I thought of to cover ground quickly was stilts. Sundance is right”—here, Hennessy paused for a moment—“flight will give us an advantage.”
“But how do we start?” asked Sundance. “I mean, there’s a lot of ground to cover. I don’t even know how to begin.”
“We start here, and we circle the barony,” Hennessy replied. “And then we spiral outwards in ever-expanding circles. We’ll look for high places, sheltered places. Though, rabbits aren’t always smart enough to find the perfect place for a warren. They do get flooded. But sometimes luck is on their side. We’re looking for a successful warren, so we need to find a place that is secure and sheltered. I think we’ll know it when we see it.”
“I think you’ll know it when you see it,” Sundance said to Hennessy. “Which is why you’ll be our spotter. Which means you’re in charge of directions.”
The tall, slender earth pony nodded. “Right.”
“And you, Paradox. You’re my court wizard and well-known explosioneer. I need you to show me what that means. Today, I want to see stuff explode. But I don’t want to see us explode. Got that?”
“I think I can manage,” Paradox said with a wry smile.
“I don’t want my barony burnt to the ground, either.”
“That’s the tricky part.” The smile spread across Paradox’s face vanished. “I’ll do my best, but explosioneering is controlled chaos.”
“Well, I am not going to tell you how to do your job,” said Sundance. “But I am going to trust you to do it. I fly… rather good at it, I’d like to think. And I do paperwork. So I am going to do what I do well, flying in this instance, and trust that you two will do what you do well. While I don’t have a fancy military-issue chariot, I do have the sky truck. Together, we’ll improvise.”
“If Flicker knew what we were about to do, we’d never be able to keep him in the bed,” Hennessy remarked. “I mean, we work underground, mostly. We are the Underwatch. But to rain down death and destruction from above… Flicky would be beside himself. He’d be like a foal during Hearth’s Warming.”
“Flicker is laid up,” Sundance said to Hennessy. “Today is your day to stand in the sun.”
“We are good to go,” Paradox said to Sundance as he performed his own pre-flight check on his harness. “I cast a spell on our hooves so we don’t fall out. Hennessy has his scary mask and I packed a picnic basket full of snacks and high energy foods. We’re ready to begin our bombing run.”
Squinting, Sundance eyed the distant end of the runway, and the wildflowers that grew beyond. The wind came up from the south, which meant that he had to deal with a side draft on his left as he took off westward. He used his wings to adjust his flight goggles, then did a bit of last-minute stretching. Several ponies stood about and watched the preparation for take-off with eager, expressive faces.
“Wait!” Hollyhock shouted. “Wait, don’t go yet!”
Almost breathless, the mare trotted up to the sky truck trailed by her brood. Her eyes? Bright and excited. Her barrel? Almost heaving. There was a look of fierce maternal pride on her face as all the little ones crowded around her, and Sundance noticed that Bonk appeared to be carrying a folded up green woollen blanket.
“Granny said that you couldn’t go to war without a standard—a flag! So we took an old ratty-tattered blanket and we made you one. It was a bit of a rush job, but I think it works. A bit of paint and love goes a long way. Bonk, show’em!”
On command, the pup gripped a wooden dowel protruding from the blanket, gave it a shake, and unfurled the makeshift flag. The green woollen blanket was now a pirate flag—at least it looked that way. A crude buck-toothed rabbit’s skull done in white paint dominated the middle, and beneath the skull were two crossed carrots. It was grotesque, and utterly amazing. It was also only painted on one side, but that was fine.
Paradox took the flag, held it aloft, had herself a better look at it, and then prepared to mount it. The sky truck had a place for such a thing, holes near the tailgate, and the dowel slid right in. She had to fiddle with a few knobs to secure it and to lock it in place, but the flag made for a fine addition to the sky truck. It added a much-needed air of legitimacy to this whole venture, and the situation was almost not-ridiculous.
“Good luck!” Bonk shouted.
“Yes, good luck!” Amber Dawn repeated.
“Should a bunny skull have ears?” asked Lemongrass.
“Don’t be a dork,” his sister said to him.
“Au revoir!”
Unable to stop himself from smiling, Sundance prepared himself for takeoff and said, “Thanks… all of you. You behave for Hollyhock while I’m gone. Now stand back, daylight is a-burnin’!”
Warm wind kissed Sundance all over as he slipped through contrasting currents. Neither Hennessy nor Paradox were particularly heavy, so there was hardly any load. His wings sliced through the wind and his well-timed strokes carried him high above the barony in no time at all. After a brief ascent, he leveled out and then began to circle what he’d taken to calling ‘Sunfire Castle’. Which really wasn’t much of a castle at all, but beggars couldn’t be choosers. The box canyon, now closed off with the gatehouse, did provide a rather secure location, though the plateau where the waterfall was posed a significant risk.
At some point, Sundance planned to do something about it, though he had no idea what.
“Any higher than this and my visibility will be reduced,” Hennessy hollered over the wind. “A little lower might be better. Our masks were designed to work in close, confined spaces. I think the detection range is limited.”
“But you can see?” asked Sundance, who shouted to be heard.
“Everything,” Hennessy replied. “Begin your spiral. I’m not sure how to go about this, but we want overlapping circles so we can see the same areas from different angles. Ideal warren locations will be above water, so look for hills with thickets. I think we can safely ignore the areas that are marshy.”
“I’ll widen my circle,” Sundance said to Hennessy.
“I can see my house from up here!” Paradox shouted. “I’ve never wizarded like this before!”
“Slow down a bit, Sundance… I need time to be able to study the ground. My field of vision is rather narrow in the mask. The lenses point forwards and concentrate vision in a focused spot.”
“Gotcha. I can slow down a bit.”
Down below, the river that fed the waterfall was broader than it was during the spring, and some of the marsh had flooded. The clear, blue waters that overflowed at the bends and banks became murky and sludgy as it overran into the marshy expanses. For the first time, Sundance noticed the earthworks around the river as it ran through the meadow; an effort had been made to keep the water clean and pure. How long ago had the river been shaped? A raised meadow of grass surrounded both sides. How many ponies had worked together to manage such a project?
The ancient bones of the barony astounded him.
From up here, he saw the boulders, the somewhat smaller stones, and even what appeared to be markers, or maybe cairns. There were broad, flat places that couldn’t possibly be natural. Old foundations perhaps, places where structures once stood. A flowing river would allow for water wheels and if Sundance squinted just right, he could almost see how the river was shaped to adjust water flow.
Perhaps Grandmother Growler and Hoppy could build their brewery up here.
As he slowly came around, flying in a clockwise circle, he began to approach the orchard ravine. It would come into view soon enough, and might even be a place to have a good look, though the ravine was prone to flooding. Below him, the Crags could be seen, the downright vicious bit of land that looked like a mess of teeth. The Crags were once the home of Grandmother Oak and the rich, black topsoil found in the crevices between the stones got washed into the ravine where the orchard was located. There were many crags, but these crags were the craggiest.
“There’s too many right angles on those stones to be natural!” Paradox shouted so that she might be heard over the wind. “Just look at them! Some are broken and jagged, but look at the whole ones! The sheer size of them! That stone there has to be three meters long and a meter wide and tall! That’s a stone block!”
Indeed it was, but it was so immense that Sundance failed to see it for what it was until Paradox had pointed it out. What appeared to be boulders at first glance were actually the remains of shattered masonry. He swooped down, low and slow, and had himself a better look—but not too much of a look because he didn’t want to crash into something. A wise pegasus kept an eye on their flightpath.
“There’s something big and rusty,” Paradox said. “Some kind of machinery.”
“That’s a tank! An actual tank!” The astonishment could still be heard in Hennessy’s mechanical voice that reverberated out of the mask. “It’s crushed beneath the stone block. Look, you can still see the barrel, even though it’s all bent. And that over there, poking out from beneath the rock, there’s more of it.”
“What’s a tank doing up here with all this shattered rock?” asked Sundance.
When he was done hunting bunnies, he would have to have himself a better look at this area. For a multitude of reasons, he was still largely unfamiliar with his own lands. There was just so much of them. Hundreds of miles of land, all of it stretching in all directions. Trying to survey all of this was a daunting task—so he just hadn’t. He’d found other ways to spend his time.
“There’s really no way to get a tank up here,” Paradox remarked. “I mean, it’s all sheer cliffs surrounding the plateau, except for the mountains over that way. This is a secure, elevated area.”
It was a mystery, Sundance realised.
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You don't just give us a tank and expect us to not want to see it in action.
I want it.
10048772
Can you lift the 25 ton chunk of rock off it? And fix all the flattened bits?
10048776
If it must be done, it will be done.
... Please.
10048782
If you touch it too hard, it will crumble into rust dust.
There’s a saying about bomb disposal:
“EOD (Explosive Ordnance Disposal) is the science of vague assumptions based on debatable data taken from inconclusive experiments with instruments of problematic accuracy by persons of questionable mentality.”
10048788
That’s a pretty good description of Titanic these days.
Bunny Bombardiers Fluttershy will no be amused
Well, Twilight managed to lift a water tower that was on that order of weight... now, granted, that’s Twilight, but several unicorns working together...
Alternatively; one could use a bunch of winches; in combination with some block-and-tackle rigging it should be readily movable.
The hull and turret is probably still in OK shape; just because they are going to be made out of some rather thick armor plating; and they haven’t been left in a corrosive environment (cars rust out because of the salt put on the roads; but there have been cars from the 1930s pulled out of the woods and restored - they didn’t rust away to nothing because they were off the road and away from the salt). Where it’s been flattened can be fixed with application of heat and force. The mechanical bits can have metal re-welded to it and then be remachined. (Seriously - go watch Abom79 or Kieth Fenner on YouTube; it’s remarkable what they can do).
If Sundance has the vision or ability to recruit the necessary craftsponies, however, is a totally different question...
10049498
Think WW1 coal burning iron tank. This is nothing like modern armor. This is a steam powered tank. It's gone.
I forsee Flicker pushing for more Pegasus recruits in the near future. Although I also foresee the possibility of a lot of collatoral damage.
The barony keeps coming up with more and more mysteries for them to wonder about.
Sounds like the tank found out why, you don't attack a bunch of earth ponies, who have had time to dig in.
With all due respect; that’s not very plausible. There are still iron parts on fortifications in Europe from WW1; and artifacts have been pulled out of the ground after thousands of years and still had structural integrity. Iron meteorites have been found that are millions of years old.
Even deeply rusted; it could be rebuilt. You can reverse the rusting process with electrolysis, and then spray-weld metal on to build up thickness where it needs it. Areas that are outright missing can have new sections welded in. It’s truly remarkable what can be done when someone with skill has the willingness to spend an inordinate amount of time and effort on a project... (or the willingness to spend an inordinate amount of money hiring the talent).
Now, I’m not saying that Sundance will, can, or should resurrect this tank; just that in principle it could be done.
And I’m definitely not saying I’d want to ride in it - those things were loud, hot, and stinky places to be. Oh, and the early ones didn’t even have any suspension either - when the weight shifted from one end to the other, the impact as it hit the ground was rather jarring.
10049632
I don't think rust and weathering is the issue, the ‘squashed into a metal pancake' part is the issue.
10049632
Early tanks, pre world war, were made of cheap pot iron that was thin and prone to rusting. You had to constantly keep it slathered in grease, and even then, it would still rust and flake.
This tank in particular, was picked up, crushed like a soda can so that all the contents inside came squirting out, and then thrown at Castle Dawngate. It then sat exposed to the elements in an area high in sulfuric acidity, the very thing that breaks down all the organic matter and turns it into rich, black dirt, which in turn washes down into the orchard. It was intended as a bit of background, something to make one think, and nothing more.
10049467
Druid flutters from the weedverse is faaar more pragmatic than canon flutters. She knows what an excess bunny population, particularly a diseased one can do.
a grate little chapter.
Which is why you tell him after the deed is done. I don't think you could keep it from him.
The scene with the standard gave me warm fuzzies.
I have this mental image of the tank being played with by a dragon like a child plays with a matchbox car and then smashing it with a rock.