House of the Rising Sunflower

by kudzuhaiku


A River flows

Dry thunder made every bit of glass within the infirmary rattle. It was hot, sticky, the air was thick to the point of almost-soupiness, and yet Sundance was so cold that he almost shivered. He barely understood the reason why, something about blood vessel constriction and a lack of significant blood flow. Corduroy assured him that this would pass, perhaps in a few hours, and then he would be fine. 

As for Corduroy herself, she was hunched over her workbench and she did nurse-dog things, whatever those things might be. He heard the burble and slosh of liquid, the clink of glass, and the soft hiss of a blue-flamed burner. Corduroy’s work ethic was indomitable, almost intimidating. She worked through a task until completion, with no thought given to fatigue. 

“You did right to push me away from the water tower.” 

River Raider’s voice was unexpected; Sundance believed her to be asleep. 

“That was brave of you. You had your priorities straight. I might’ve wrecked it. Don’t know if it would have hurt me much, but it would’ve been a pain to rebuild. You had remarkable clarity of thought in that moment.” There was a long, drawn out, thunder-filled pause, and then she continued, “Your concern for me is unexpected, but appreciated.”

He thought about his words carefully, but didn’t know what to say. She already knew his motivations, his reasons—there was a chance that she might understand his own thoughts better than he did. The conversation felt one sided, but he refused to feel intimidated by this. Even though she praised him for his actions, he still felt conflicted from his actions. 

Since this conversation seemed to be complicated to breach, he chose a far more simple conversation, and asked her, “So, what happened?” 

River Raider replied, “I like talking. Like, I like talking a lot. Me and my kind, from our control group, we hardly talk to one another. We use telepathy and mind-to-mind communication, to make it stronger. But mine is already too strong. Rather than talk to me, I just get ignored. I’m the freak. The factory reject. The failure. I like to talk. I like hearing the sound of my own voice. It helps to drown out all other voices I hear inside my head.” She drew in a deep breath. 

“I was actually getting a bit of sleep, which doesn’t happen as often as I’d like. Earlier, I’d gorged on fish, frogs, and crunchy, crunchy crawfish.” She smacked her lips and the sound rivaled the thunder outside. “So I was getting some much-needed sleep and I woke up covered in swarming spiders. Just the little ones. I could sense the common-mind they all shared. Naturally, I defended myself. Bigger spiders moved in to subdue me. I was webbed, bitten, but the little spiders couldn’t pierce my hide. 

“Dumb little spiders misjudged their prey. Nature doesn’t forgive that, you know. So the biggest spiders move in and they start shredding my wings with their clawed feet and they bite me. But hairy spiders are flammable—surprise—and so am I. One of nature’s quirks. I’m a fire-breather that can set themselves on fire. Spiders with watermelon-sized bodies are all over me, stabbing me, biting me, slashing at me with their clawed, bladed legs. My cave is swarmed. Early on, I know this a fight I can’t win, so I escaped, and came here for help. I’m pretty sure my home sweet home is now spider swarm central.” 

“That’s… not… good…” Huddled beneath his blankets, Sundance wondered if a showdown with the spider swarm was inevitable. He thought about what Paradox had just told him not that long ago. If the swarm came here—he shivered, and it wasn’t just the cold chill that wracked his body. How did one go about fighting a writhing, wriggle mass of spiders? 

Spider season, indeed. 

“Flasks of alchemical fire would help,” River Raider suggested. “Unicorns with fire spells. Friendly dragons. One or two somewhat annoyed alicorns. A contingent of Immortal Solars. Princess Celestia’s glorious orbital bombardment. You know, she keeps miles-long rocks in orbit for emergencies just like this one.” 

“That’s a bit much,” Corduroy replied. “So the spiders have gone hive-minded?” 

“Without a doubt. I felt it. Sensed it. All of it. It stretched.” 

Stretched? Sundance didn’t like how this sounded. Stretched. He tried to imagine how this was, but his mind drew a blank. It was something outside of his experience, and his imagination lacked the means to conceive it. With a waggle of his wing, he flipped his blanket over his head, and then peered out whilst he resisted the urge to shiver. If only he could get warm, he would feel better. 

“One mind stretched over many bodies. One unifying thought, one need, one motive, one desire. And that is hunger. While hive minds can be complex, this one isn’t. The spiders are stupid. Not much in the way of brains. If complexity was introduced into the collective mind, it would probably destroy it. No, they keep it simple, and every member of the host wants the same thing.” 

“Fascinating insight,” Corduroy remarked while still hunched over her work. “So do we take out the central mind?” 

“There is no central mind, as far as I know. As I stated, simple and stupid.” 

“Oh.” Corduroy seemed dismayed, at least it sounded this way to Sundance’s ears. “Well, I did collect some tar oil a while back. Was planning to make soap and other stuff. I suppose I’d better make a few alchemical grenades. I have lots of potassium nitrate and sulfur all processed.” 

“Why would you have potassium nitrate stockpiled?” asked River Raider. 

Corduroy shrugged. “Tree stump removal. Fertiliser. You know. Common uses.” 

“Riiiight.” River Raider wiggled a bit, which caused her bed to creak alarmingly beneath her bulk. 

“Is there something I should know?” Sundance first peeked out from beneath his blanket at his nurse, and then at the bandaged behemoth in the next bed over. 

“I’ve yet to meet an alchemist who didn’t make bombs as a hobby—” 

“Hey, I dabble in fireworks.” Corduroy spoke in a low, almost growly deadpan. “Bombs hurt others. I am a pacifist, and a healer. Fireworks are entertaining.” 

“You know I can read your thoughts like an open book, right?” 

Corduroy did not respond. Nothing was said. She remained hunched over for a time, her breathing low, slow, and steady. Then, without warning, she rose suddenly. Paw-fingers flexing, she stretched her spine to straighten it, gave her tail a wag to unkink it, and without saying a word, she left. As the door closed, Sundance could feel the tension left behind—it hung heavy in the air in much the same way as the thunderstorm outside. 

“Oh good, she’s gone,” River Raider said. 

“Uh—” 

“Shut up and listen to what I have to say. You and I, we can’t be friends.” 

“We can’t?” 

“No.” River Raider’s tone was firm. “We can’t.” 

“No?” 

“Look, don’t make this worse.” 

“I’d kind of like to know why.” 

“I suppose I owe you that.” River Raider sighed, and curls of sooty smoke rose from her bandaged face. “You’re attracted to me. And I can’t deal with that. It’s repulsive. Grosses me out. I’m sorry, but I have my reasons. The worst part is, I like you. But it is for the best if we just go our separate ways.” 

Beneath his blanket, Sundance shivered whilst he tried to understand what was said. 

“It’s nothing against you.” River Raider’s tone softened a bit, and more smoke whorled upwards from her muzzle. “It’s me. It’s entirely me.” A throaty rumble reverberated within her massive bulk. “Ugh, that sounds even worse when it is said aloud. Look… I am a flaw. A mistake. A reject. A dead end. I am genetically unsound. 

“But even with all these faults, others still wanted to fronk me.” She paused, and rumbled for a time before she continued, “It started young. Too young. I wasn’t even mature yet, and I became aware of the desire that others had for me. I couldn’t turn my mind off to protect myself. They told me it was normal. Natural. I was female and males would want me. Sometimes, certain thoughts come into the mind unbidden. It doesn’t mean they’ll act on what they think. 

“I was told to filter it out, but I couldn’t. So in my most formative years, I was told that I was a dead end, but I was aware that others wanted to have their way with me. It was too much. I never sorted it out. I couldn’t sort it out. The perversions of others just disgusted me, and I couldn’t deal with them. Which is why I isolated myself.” 

Sundance said his thoughts aloud: “You really do like to talk, don’t you?” 

All he got in return was silence. Uncomfortable silence. He was afraid to think anything, for fear that she might perceive his thoughts wrong, but then he knew that she was already aware of his fears. At least, that seemed likely. He couldn’t hide anything from her—but that might actually work out to his advantage. 

“We can still be friends, you know,” he said to her. 

“No,” she replied, “we can’t. Mares and stallions can’t be friends. It doesn’t work that way. The only reason a stallion ever shows any kind of friendship to a mare is because he wants to fronk her. That’s it. That’s the ugly truth.” 

“You’re wrong.” Sundance was fearful that he might be wrong, but he flew straight for the heart of the storm anyway. “I am friends with Paradox… and Corduroy. Lots of females, actually… and as far as I am aware, I don’t want to fronk them. If I do, it is a subconscious thing.” He was aware of his rising doubt, and knew that River Raider surely sensed it as well. “I take offense to the idea that we can’t be friends.” 

Things became even more confusing when Sundance thought of Turmeric. 

Miserable, frozen, shivering, Sundance tried to make sense of his own thoughts, and a part of him actually resented River Raider for probably having a better understanding of his own inner-workings than he did. She was in there right now, having herself a look around, and none of his secrets were safe. Perhaps she was aware of the secrets he kept hidden from himself. Paranoid fear crept into the fringes of his thoughts, and he began to wonder if perhaps he might delude himself when it came to his feelings about Paradox and Corduroy. 

“I’ll be damned.” 

Sundance’s pricked ears caused the blanket to pull away from his face. 

“Unexpected.” 

He waited, fearful of saying anything. 

“You don’t actually want to shag Paradox.” 

“I don’t?” Sundance was rather surprised to learn this. 

“Oh, trust me, I am just as surprised as you are right now. There is only simple, uncluttered goodness in your mind.” 

“So… you and I can be friends—” 

“No, we can’t. Because you’re attracted to me.” 

“Doesn’t mean I have to act on it. I can behave myself.” 

“Huh… you actually believe that. I mean, it is one thing to say it… anypony could say that… but you mean it. Right now, you actually feel guilty for causing me discomfort. I don’t know what to make of this.” 

“I do? Feel guilty, I mean… well, I suppose I do.” 

“You’re nauseatingly good.” 

“I’ll take that as a compliment, thanks.” 

“Disgusting.” 

Sundance poked his muzzle out from beneath his blanket and allowed his thoughts to flow unhindered. He had nothing to hide and wanted River Raider to experience all of his nauseating, disgusting goodness. She clearly needed a friend, somepony who would listen to her, so she could talk. Because she liked to talk. She was a chatterbox with a lot to say and she was in desperate need of a sympathetic ear. 

“This won’t work,” she said to him. “If we’re friends, sooner or later, you’ll think that you have a chance with me. That things will somehow work out. You’ll get your hopes up, and then I’ll have to crush them. Look, I have enough regrets that rob me of sleep. I don’t want to have to be nasty to a creature of such sickening goodness. No offense, but I don’t need that kind of guilt in my life.” 

“For the record, I’m sticking my neck out to be friends with you. It’s not like you’d be an easy friend. I am willing to deal with all of you complications… even if nothing ever happens between us.” Sundance wished that he was smarter, that he had a better understanding of how to deal with this, but he was stuck with working with what he had. 

She sighed, and sent billowing clouds of smoke upwards. “You’re right. The very fact that I know what you are thinking right now is the reason why I’d be a difficult friend. No privacy. Total honesty. You couldn’t tell little fiblets to spare my feelings. There is no way you could be socially duplicitous. I would know your motivations… understand them better than you do, perhaps. The fact that you’re willing to put up with this says a lot about you.” 

“And my disgusting goodness?” he asked. 

“A lot of supposedly ‘good’ creatures actually have some pretty disturbing stuff in their minds. Things that they repress. Unwholesome things. Hidden desires and secret shames. Like you and your feelings for your friend, Turmeric. You want to try things, just to see what they are like. Without attachment, for the sake of mere experimentation. But you won’t act on it because you’re afraid that it will ruin your friendship.” 

Stunned to silence, Sundance tried to sort out his thoughts. It was true that he had some feelings about his friend, Turmeric, but until right now, this moment, he was unaware of the depths of said feelings. Which confirmed his suspicions; River Raider knew him better than he knew himself. Upon further reflection, this had to be reassuring for River, because she had to know that if he wouldn’t act on his feelings for Turmeric for the sake of friendship, then he most certainly wouldn’t act upon the feelings he had for her. Quite without meaning to do so, he stumbled into a better understanding of himself, and was grateful for this opportunity. 

“You’re welcome,” River Raider said without a shred of sarcasm or snark. 

“Can… can you help me—” 

“Understand yourself better?” She finished off his question in a perfectly neutral tone. “Why would you do this to yourself? Why would you ask the object of your forbidden desires to be your friend and to plumb the depths of your unknown secrets? And don’t you dare say, ‘friendship is magic’. Don’t even think it—I just said don’t you even think it but you did it anyway!” 

“I couldn’t help it,” he blurted out whilst he thought of apologetic thoughts. Mostly, he thought about her telepathy as a blessing rather than the curse she believed it to be. He thought about it real hard. As hard as he could. With as much mental effort as he could muster, he thought about how she could use her gift to help somepony, so that her suffering might have some meaning, some value, some greater purpose. 

“Ugh, you really are disgustingly good. I can see why Celestia put you here. She wanted you out of the way so you wouldn’t be a detriment to others.” River Raider rolled over onto her side, kicked out her bandaged legs, and then went still. “Look… the world isn’t what you believe it to be. It is a horrible wretched place populated with horrible wretched creatures, awful, terrible creatures with perverse, wicked minds, and all of society is an illusion. Somehow, you missed the memo.” 

“I dunno, I’ve looked at some pretty, uh, perverted porn. My innocence can’t be what you make it out to be.” 

“Pfah,” she spat. “You didn’t let it change you. And you didn’t go looking at anything soul-destroying, like foal-fronking porn. Your mind isn’t cluttered by gross things.” 

Sundance deflated. He didn’t have an answer for that. He thought about the traumatic conversation with his mother when he found out that certain things done in porn were real. Yes, it seemed that his naïveté was intact. It was comforting to know that the world hadn’t corrupted him, but also disheartening to learn just how disconnected he was from the world at large. 

“If I may confess, I am confused by your attraction to me. Oh, I get it. I know exactly why you are attracted… I understand your fetishes, such as they may be. But I still don’t get it. I am not physically beautiful by the standards and societal expectations of your kind.” 

“Uh”—he licked his lips, nervous about what he was about to say—“for all of your mind reading, if you can’t see why I find you beautiful, then maybe you don’t know as much as you think you know. It might be time to reconsider what you think you see.” 

She snorted, a mighty blast that permeated the air with the scent of woodsmoke. 

“It’s like reading a book… you might read the words, but that doesn’t mean you understand them. I’ve read lots of books, but there are whole chapters I failed to comprehend. Yes, I do think you’re beautiful. I like looking at you. Something about you pushes all the right buttons. So it seems that you can read thoughts, but not abstracts.” 

Again, she snorted, and this time Sundance allowed himself just a little smug satisfaction. 

“Don’t get cocky,” she warned. 

“You don’t understand the how or why—” 

“I just said don’t get cocky.” 

It was a puzzle. She was a puzzle. River Raider was a riddle, something for him to ponder and figure out. He used his wings to pull and tuck his blankets against his sides, and he pulled his frozen legs beneath him with the hopes of somehow getting them warm again. River Raider might know him better than he understood himself, she might know his secrets, but she didn’t understand the inner workings, the clockwork of his thoughts. He was a book with hidden, obscured context, and while she could read his sentences, she had trouble deriving their meaning. 

“Corduroy has cooled off and she’s coming back,” River Raider said. “Not a word. I could probably make her leave again, but I already feel bad about the first time I did it. That’s gonna keep me from sleeping, I just know it. I’ll be up all day fretting about it and feeling guilty for manipulating her. But I needed a moment to speak to you in private. I wish I hadn’t, because now I feel awful.” 

“Wait—” 

“She feels guilty about her dabbling into dangerous, potentially harmful alchemy. She believes it should be used for healing, not harm. She justifies it with fireworks, but her mind is deeply unsettled by the knowledge contained therein. Make no mistake, your alchemist could scrub a city right off the map with no appreciable effort. The guilt eats at her.” 

“Oh—” Sundance was about to say more, but he heard something just beyond the door. 

“You do whatever. I’m going to pretend that I’m asleep now.” 

The door opened, Corduroy entered, and Sundance didn’t quite know what to say or do.